Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

Evening all.
I just want to say, hopefully without being patronising, that it is possible to find someone amazing on Tinder
Mr L was just the best last night. I was nervous going to his home, but he just made me feel so comfortable, he constantly does all of these little things that he knows I will like without a big deal or announcement - he genuinely wants to make me happy and he does (so much!)
I’m afraid of my feelings here :) (or it could be the oxytocin)

@BelladiMamma I'm looking forward to it. Pick n mix and pop corn and remortgaging the flat to pay for it!🤣

@TimeToDateAgain I didn't I blocked not long after. I don't mind how long you were married etc but the ins and outs of my marriage is no ones business and definitely not a random man on Tinder.

@MayEye yay! Lovely to hear he’s been putting you at ease. Perhaps I’ll get my courage up and try Tinder sometime!

@Isitreallyme177 that's really nice that Mr Cricket has stepped up ... enjoy the cinema!!
I'm trying to have talk to myself about why i feel so sad about my guy. I have to admit that I'm still getting very down about how it's disintegrated but I'm reminding myself that he's not ideal for me by any means and that alot of my issues are wanting people who don't want me.
It's such a cliche . .

@Sugaspunsista don't go down that rabbit hole of wondering why the men you like don't feel that way about you. You'll only depress yourself. I'm positive you have a ton to offer someone, its just a case of meeting them.

Also try and remember that you have rose tinted glasses on with the last iron, try and remember the crappy bits.

@anniewilkes21 and others - can I just check you're aware of Clare's Law?

You can make an application to find out whether a partner / someone you're seeing has a (known) history of domestic violence.

It only takes about 15 mins to fill in the form, with basic info - as much as you have (name, address DOB etc). And then you should hear back from the police rep within a few days. It's all completely confidential (ie your partner won't be told you've done this).

Obviously there's no guarantee that all incidents of domestic violence will have been reported to the police - but it's certainly worth doing just in case.

www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/daa/domestic-abuse/alpha2/request-information-under-clares-law/

(I think that site redirects you to the local police force - or you may need to search for the relevant force for your/partner's location.)

PLEASE do this x

[quote Eesha]@Sugaspunsista don't go down that rabbit hole of wondering why the men you like don't feel that way about you. You'll only depress yourself. I'm positive you have a ton to offer someone, its just a case of meeting them.

Also try and remember that you have rose tinted glasses on with the last iron, try and remember the crappy bits.[/quote]
Thanks Eesha... think the love bombing and then cold retreat had just hurt my head ( and my heart). I'll be fine. I'm not a sad as when i thought i was ghosted .
The stupid thing is i always overlook the nice guys who are there waitng in the wings and go chasing the useless ones

@Sugaspunsista I think there is a happy medium between love bombing and too nice etc. I have a large group of friends and the ones who are married/happy now seem to have been with the nice, decent partners who regularly texted at the start but it wasn't this wild passion /uncertainty. The divorced ones had the passion but it was always up and down. OK I'm generalising there but I would rather have that niceness myself these days so I'm much more aware of what might be good for me. It's like now I can forsee what might be hassle ahead. I'm mid 40s btw.

Sugaspunsista
I had this summer and it did break
My heart a bit too

My friend lent me ‘women who love too much ‘
I’m not recommending you read the whole book !

But google the Amazon review and see if you see a pattern
So many of us are single again after long relationships and I’m certainly making the same mistakes !

Poor you @Sugaspunsista I always feel that way when things go wrong too. Its very natural to feel that … did he just ghost you in the end, not reply to your messages? Hugs x

Good advice eesha we must all try and remember that!

Got a date on Friday for lunch....with the one I'm not instantly attracted to but seems lovely, Mr Nurse.

I'm similiar as well to you @Sugaspunsista and tend to chase the ones who i know aren't any good for me because the crazy person in me thinks i have a chance at changing their mind! I should also be way more careful about getting intimate with someone whose already told me 'they don't want a relationship' because i'll find it very difficult not to catch more feelings! The nice and stable ones just don't seem to excite me enough! I'm hoping this will change though over time! But for now i'm enjoying the peace and quiet and free headspace of not having anyone 'on the go' at the moment!

Same about the stable ones not exciting me...I think we need to remember it's so easy to confuse anxiety with chemistry.

Thats an interesting statement but how would anxiety and chemistry be confused with one another In my case i think with MrNeighbour who on paper could not have been more perfect for me he ticked every other box! Very thoughtful and we got on great! But there was 0 chemistry and i gave us time too But still nothing! Then along came magnet-man and we were pretty incompatible but had amazing chemistry and it was him i wanted to pursue rather then MrNeighbour! I can see being in lust being confused with being in love It does seem near impossible to get just the right combination of 'nice' but not 'too nice' @Isitreallyme177 sounds like a geat nights on the cards for you! @MayEye i know tinder sucess stories IRL too and i think it's so good to hear them! Like @SortingItOut said about all the advice/experiences on hear has helped us all so much and everyones posts are such a good read too! Getting so many different perspectives is overwhelmingly helpful when navigating the dating world especially with baggage/responsibilities and being 'older' as well @Dancerinthemoonlight good luck back at work! Hope the weird meeting/team dynamics settled down a bit for you!

I've found this thread so helpful, it's also great when the men pop up with their experiences as it shows us the other side. But we all come with different experiences, different wants and a different ages point of view.

Thank you @Sugaspunsista and @Naimee87 I do like going to the cinema but I don't go very often so this is a treat for me and I get to have some company watching a film I want to see as well.

I think it’s a simple case of economics haha.. supply vs demand.. what is in short supply or unavailable becomes most sought after and valuable.. hence we all want the ones who don’t show any keenness, and have no interest in the ones that do.
HOWEVER all you need is that magical occurrence where you meet someone you like and they feel the same way back. It can and will and does happen!! Just gotta keep the faith 💗

@TwatInTinFoil Bang oooh a lunch date! You seem to be meeting more guys now than you did a few months back.. do you think are better men on the sites or is it just random do you think??

shayelle hmmm I'm not sure tbh, there do seem to be more men around I think...but still very few where I live. I call this one 'close' and he's an hour away!

I'm finding Bumble to be better atm that Tinder, more guys I swipe on anyway.

naimee I read that when you feel uncertain/ anxious etc this can be confused ad a 'spark'. Seems to fit with how I behave anyway 🙂

I have tentatively dipped my toes in bumble and had a first date on Friday, there was an attraction when we met and it was a nice date. We have another date on Sunday. The problem is he has been texting a lot and it's irritating me. I've said i am not much of a texter and prefer to get to know in person. I've got no issue with a quick daily text but I don't think texting is a good way of getting to know someone as it can either be mundane and leaves you with nothing to talk about when you actually meet or it builds up a false intimacy when you don't really know the person. I'm getting to the point where I feel like maybe I don't want a second date. I've been on my own for a while and quite content but would like to meet someone but not wanting to rush into integrating someone into my kids life. I have a busy life and he does too. Any words of wisdom please? I used to be the needy one pinning my hopes on one person and being horrified at the idea of dating more than one person at a time but feel maybe all the time on my own and work I have done on myself has given me better boundaries. Still feel like a bit of a cow though for being irritated by some texts.

@TwatInTinFoil don't you get to the end of bumble though and its runs out of people? I always used to swipe through in a day or two and run out..

@moirarosebabay think we have all had one like this. You could tell him you're too busy to message much but look forward to chatting more when you meet up? Or just ignore the messages and see if it calms down? Its pretty much guaranteed to put you off him though. Nothing worse than over keenness!

@Shayelle2009 thank you that's great advice.

@moirarosebabay its only from what ive learned on here. Usually I wouldn't say anything and just get more and more pissed off but wiser posters have advised to do that and it’s great advice ☺️ Hope it works for you!