What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

Ah what a tricky position. Hope you don’t get shot as the messenger

@AnneShirleysNewDress

I've been in this situation. Not with family, but my best friend. It did not go well. We're no longer friends and she's now married to him. I would say nothing.

I had a similar situation and as the messenger got shot. It did transpire years later the DH had multiple affairs but the friendship was dead and buried in the water by then and now I am older and wiser I question whether I would say what I saw.. However, if it were me in that position (the MIL) I would wish someone told me rather than being the last to know.

Message FiL and say you saw him in the restaurant and wait for a response. If he obviously lies to you or ignores your message you have to have a conversation with your husband.

Definitely him? And not just someone that looked very, very like him from a distance?

I'm older and wiser. I would do nothing. There's really no need to explode this bomb. It might happen anyway, without any input from you.

It could be an old work colleague, it could be anything, not necessarily what it looked like. So much goes on within a marriage - it's astonishing what people 'accommodate' just so a happy family life can continue.

Just let the happy family life carry on as normal. No need to be the one who lights the blue touch paper.

You are right to tell your husband and I agree with telling him what you saw but don’t make any assumptions.

It’s most likely he’s having an affair but it just possible it could be something else. Let your husband deal with it.

@Couchbettato

I think, while in Scotland with his parents I'd say, "I went to X town the other day and went to Y bar, lovely drinks, nice balcony, great views, you should try it some time MIL & FIL" while staring FIL dead in the eyes.

Would you indeed.

Your life may resemble an Eastenders script, but there's little evidence from OP's posts that she would enjoy goading her FiL into a ruined holiday & protracted family upset.

Oh OP what a horrible position to be in. Definitely tell DH.

@MadamMalkin

I would "accidently" drop him in it. When your next with fil and mil, I would launch in at some stage with "I saw you in the wine bar the other day? You were with ? I waved when I spotted you on our way out, but you mustn't have seen me, I had the steak and chips, by I wasn't keen, what did you and get?

Way to drop some soul-destroying & marriage-threatening news onto a much loved MiL. Not tactless or melodramatic at all.

What is it with the PP recommending game-playing on this thread?
Is the situation not excruciating enough already?

What an awful situation to be in.

I've always been in wonder at where the bravery came from the night my friend told me about my exH affair. She has a special place in my heart for that.

I hope your conversation goes well tonight with your DH, this isn't your fault.

I agree you should tell your DH, I think your MIL deserves to know she is married to a rat

Oh sheeeet

This could end so badly for you if you try to intervene yourself. I would find this impossible to keep from my husband, so I would make that the starting point and let him decide what to do.

You are doing the right thing. You can’t keep a secret like that from your husband. I would be so angry if my partner did that. It’s not your secret to keep, it’ll burn you up

I would tell my DH. To do otherwise feels like colluding with fil. And could damage your own marriage if it comes out down the line that you saw him.

Whatever you do, don’t tell fil you know. He could deny, convince everyone you are crazed or worse etc etc. A man who has the audacity to cheat is unpredictable and lacks integrity.

Either a - tell dh. Decide together how to proceed.
Or b - don’t tell anyone. Throw the memory in the deep recesses of your mind. But find ways to inflict pain on the asshole. Eg - steal his golf clubs and donate to charity, pee into the whiskey only he drinks, cancel any bookings you know he’s made....

Of course you must tell the husband.

How could you possibly not.

What a terrible position to be in, you must be so stressed!

I’d tell my husband. I couldn’t not.

Tell your husband then he can decide to tell him mum or not.

I can't believe so many people are saying don't tell the husband.
I would most definitely tell my husband, there is no way I could keep this from him. He would also tell me.

@leavesthataregreen

If you say anything to anyone I would speak to FiL in private and explain what happened. Just be absolutely honest - say you saw and you feel uncomfortable at the position it has put you in.

But if you do this, and it ever comes out that you knew all along, then that has serious repercussions for your relationships with your MIL and DH

@Moanyponey

My husband has not been well lately (early hip replacement) and he is just getting back on his feet😢 we are due to go on holiday in scotland next week for 5 days with his parents we haven't been away for a good few years and we are so looking forward to it! What the hell do I do? God I wish I never saw this! 😥

What a horrible thing to be faced with.

I wouldn't say anything before the holiday but gauge the situation while you're away.

Your MIL may confide in you or you may be able to tailor a casual conversation about the area etc.

When in doubt, do nothing.

I would then tell your DH.

Tell your DH and make a decision together.