What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

You're right, it is out of your hands. There won't be any repercussions but you were absolutely right to sit on it while considering what to do.

It was an awful dilemma to be faced with and your over-riding reason for pausing was to protect those you love. Nothing more, nothing less. That's far better than wading in with histrionics.

Your poor MIL. Tough times ahead

Your poor mil

Firstly I'm sorry to hear about your health and DH. Hope you are both ok health wise soon.

You have done nothing wrong here. Your FIL is in the wrong and you just happened to see it. Something you can deny if you want but that would rely on your friend not dropping you in it!

You felt trapped. You didn't want to hurt anyone. Right now all you can do is support DH and MIL.

Can you still take her away to Scotland for the 5 days and have some space together?

I think you have to own up to your dh that you knew. You can be honest about how you have agonised about the right thing to do, rather than him thinking you are siding with your FIL.

Maybe ask your friend if she has told anyone?

Has your husband gone to see hos mum without knowing that you knew?

OP I know it’s difficult to see it now but this is the best thing that could have happened in the circumstances. However you mil found out - it’s you fil who has caused the hurt. Your conscience is clear albeit that you are shocked and sad for your Dh and his mum.

I also think you should tell your DH that you saw fil a couple of days ago, that it looked a bit 'off' but you weren't sure how to broach the subject with him (your DH) in case you'd got the wrong end of the stick.
I wouldn't be comfortable relying on my friend to never say anything and if you ask her to keep it quiet, that is lying to your DH and creates a barrier between you. Your fil.has caused enough trouble without his behaviour potentially causing aggro for your own marriage.

I don’t know how the OW husband found out..

It was only a matter of time, as they have been flaunting their affair in public. And OW could have been equally careless at home.

MIL is devastated, but she now has the truth about her life and marriage, which she deserved to know.

In your shoes, I would come clean to your H that you saw FIL/OW and were trying to find the words to tell him, as you knew it would be a blow. Honesty and transparency are the way to go.

Thought it was lunch, not a night

@ReginaPhalangee

Thought it was lunch, not a night

Ha ha and so it unravels.......

@Moanyponey

God! I wish I hadn't gone out that night 😢

You mean lunchtime!!

Thought it all came out very suddenly...

I couldn’t keep this from my husband.
Bear in mind your MIL may already know though and is just ignoring things. Good luck.

Already sorted @YouTubeAddict - read back.

Well, it's saved you having to deal with it, whichever way it's come out. Just have to let the cards fall where they may now, no need to say anything and you don't have to worry what to do anymore.

F

This reads like a teenager has written it.

"Ha ha and so it unravels..."

Yes, I bet the OP is kicking him or herself at that mistake. Oops.

@Moanyponey

Just to explain a few things so people don't think I am a uncaring cow who won't tell my mil I have my own problems.. I am undergoing tests for breast cancer! I went out with my freind to take my mind off things (haven't been out since lockdown began) It was my FIL without a doubt. I don't want my oh to have this on his mind knowing he is worrying about me! I am not saying anything now that I have thought about it.. Thank you for all your help but I am not coming back to this thread.

Sorry about what you are going through. But you are still a coward. For goodness sake, do what's right! Your MIL deserves to know.

Pile of shite

I believe everything, but even I knew this was a load of hokum. Too many emojis.

why should you get dragged into it ?

deny all knowledge

@BoomChicka had it sussed in the first few posts asking how she knew when/where her FIL's meetings were. Then I knew it was all shite when OP didn't answer her.

This doesn't surprise me one bit . .. I wanted to say " crock of shit" ages ago but have been blasted for being uncaring in the past so just kept schtuum lol .. massive well done to the poster who spotted the night / lunch error
Doubt we'll hear off her again - some people really must have very boring lives

Yes in hindsight …. lots of drip feeding….illnesses for both husband and wife…changing day into night (miraculous eh)….and by the way OP it’s “devastated”….for next time you have a drama …I know we don’t correct spelling on Mumsnet and quite rightly…but that word spelt correctly might help the flow of your OP narrative next time. HTH.