What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

Personally I’d tell my husband too, but I’d stay out of it after that, I’d let him decide how to handle. Or not.

@WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo

Tell your husband. Get him to tell his mother

Except no photos to prove ops point , then it's he says vs she says, some photos would of helped prove the ops case

The advice here is ridiculous.

Anonymous letters; speak to fil secretly; pointed words among the 4 of you on holiday 🙃

Obviously tell your dh. In a factual way. Then discuss together. The likely course of action being the pair of you do nothing, and be extra attentive with his mil.

I think you're doing the right thing by telling your husband too.

There isn't a right or best case scenario. It's awful the position you're in but you will damage the trust with your husband if you don't tell him and he finds out somehow you knew all along

Agree with @Talkingmouse. Just tell your DH very factually what you saw. The holiday is going to be awkward anyway so it's better that he understands where the tension is coming from.

I'd tell your husband and let him decide, they are his parents.

Having says this, if he decided not to tell his mum then I would lose all respect for him. And I'd tell her on the trip.

Speak to your FIL first. Tell him what you saw and ask for an explanation. There may be a plausible reason. If he's having an affair, tell him to tell his wife before you tell his son.

I think I would confront FIL, so he had an opportunity to decide what matters to him, and to tell DH very quickly afterwards. It's never easy in these situations. My mum's cousin, when he knew we were seeing the same West End show on the same night he had tickets with another woman, asked me to say nothing. I saw nothing, of course, we had gallery standing tickets and they were in the stalls!

That’s hard, because I could never keep a secret from my partner, I’m loyal to him and would tell him. It’s gonna hurt him though.

Maybe I would say to him “I know something terrible, it directly affects you, it will cause a lot of hurt and upset, would you like me to tell you what it is, or would you prefer not to know, it involves your parents”. And then let him decide, but tell him to think about if he really wants to know first before answering.

You're doing the right thing by telling your dh. It's also good your friend will tell him. It's never nice but it would be a whole lot worse if you kept this to yourself. Lies tend to come out at some point

I cannot believe the amount of people saying you shouldn't tell husbamd at the very least. I would tell husband then together tell MIL

I dont get it when people say none of your business-its family of course it is

remind me of the other thread running where the bil has cheated-all this non of your business yeah fine till the wife gets a disease

@PennyRoyal

Speak to your FIL first. Tell him what you saw and ask for an explanation. There may be a plausible reason. If he's having an affair, tell him to tell his wife before you tell his son.

But that gives him a chance to shore up his defences and lie. Why risk that? He isn't owed anything. If there is a reasonable explanation then he can tell his wife when she asks.

@seensome

I would tell them, did you get a picture?

Exactly what I was thinking. So they can't make you out to be a trouble maker

I'm appalled that some PPs consider it appropriate to keep stumm. The MIL deserves to know. Living a lie is never right.

In the first instance, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd talk to my husband. Hopefully he'll have the backbone to stand by his mum. But if he were to prove to be a wet dishrag, I'd break the news to MIL myself.

Been there and got the T-shirt. Knowing is always better than being oblivious.

I think you should tell your DH tbh

Hope you're ok op. In your shoes I would tell my DH but sit on it for a bit before telling MIL. Just to take the heat out of it a bit, you don't have to rush anything.

@waltzingparrot

Definitely him? And not just someone that looked very, very like him from a distance?

I did wonder if it could be someone else

My DH recently said that he could have sworn he saw my father in town the other week - looked exactly like him, walk similar etc and his immediate thought was 'what's he doing up here?' - followed by the realisation that my dad died in January

You could go down that route 'Saw someone who looked exactly like you/your dad/your husband in X the other day.

I could only do one thing.
Sit your DH down and tell him, tell him you'll support whatever he decides and go from there. You're in a marriage which means you're a team. This shouldn't be able to tear your marriage apart too, OP

Your MIL has already opened up and confided in you about FIL’s previous infidelity. She trusts you. You must not hide this from her.

I'd have tipped a drink on him, a hot one! Dirty rat.

I would tell DH what I saw and then leave him to decide what to do next. Poor MIL - she sounds lovely.

Keep quiet.

Hope it goes ok. Awful situation

@FlowerArranger

I'm appalled that some PPs consider it appropriate to keep stumm. The MIL deserves to know. Living a lie is never right.

In the first instance, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd talk to my husband. Hopefully he'll have the backbone to stand by his mum. But if he were to prove to be a wet dishrag, I'd break the news to MIL myself.

Been there and got the T-shirt. Knowing is always better than being oblivious.

See people tend to say they would rather know but then without any prove.and if people go big on public relations, then does it not just amount to he said she said, with who can spin the best public relations ?