What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

If you're definitely sure what you saw, I'd tell MIL.

Girl code doesn't just apply to others your own age. As much as the messenger usually gets shot, I couldn't not tell another woman.

Hope I am doing the right thing.. Its a awful situation to be in.. My husband will be devisated for his mum 😢 she is such a lovely woman.. FIL has had an affair before... years ago before I got with my husband (mil told me) .. a long time ago.. mil forgive him and honestly me looking in.. there marriage seemed to be rock solid

Could it be his secret dd?

Tell DH.

Can you tell MIL anonymously?

Letter through door ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Oh fuck I’ll get shot down for this But I’d sleep on it and do nothing for a while (A) the messenger gets shot (B) maybe your MIL knows (C) it’s likely to devastate two people you know and care about

Others will disagree

But why should his cheating mess up your life and relationships
So for now I’d store it away

And you might decide to disclose later down the line

I definitely agree with this.

I must admit ,I would try and put it out of my mind.MIL may possibly suspect ,but turn a blind eye .You risk upsetting DH and may get shot as messengers often do!

You must be honest with your H. Keeping such a secret will corrode your marriage.

Your MIL has every right to know. He is cheating, putting her health in jeopardy, and making a fool of her in public. Do not be complicit in keeping his dirty secret.

I usually say keep out of it, but this is one of the relatively unusual occasions where you are very closely connected to the people involved and this involves keeping something from your own marriage too.

Weird advice on here!
Of course you should tell your husband, very factually, what you saw.
Then it's up to him if he does anything after that.
Can you imagine your husband keeping a secret as big as this from you?

@Womaninthistown

I would tell my husband. You’re not making assumptions. Just say what you saw… his dad with a woman in the wine bar.

I think by not saying anything to your DH you’re lying by omission.

’lying by omission’

What rubbish, give over

Thank you all for your help.. Just numb! I am going to have to tell my husband tonight.I know what I saw.. the more I think about it the more sure I am . Logging off for now but will update in the morning.

I would tell no one.

I would "accidently" drop him in it. When your next with fil and mil, I would launch in at some stage with "I saw you in the wine bar the other day? You were with ? I waved when I spotted you on our way out, but you mustn't have seen me, I had the steak and chips, by I wasn't keen, what did you and get?

If your FIL saw you with arms wrapped around a man not your husband, what would you like him to do? Do that.

If I happened upon FIL on his own when on you're away with them I'd mention I was in X on X date and say I was sure I saw him.
I'd then wait for his reaction.
Chances are he will deny it and could even be so brazen as to incredulously mention that you thought you saw him in front of mil.
What would you do then- apologise and 'admit' you're mistaken?
Are you willing to risk you're relationship with your mil if she chooses to believe him if you reveal all and say it was definitely him?

@LowlandLucky

Go on holiday and pretend all is well. Tell nobody.

This. I just would not get involved and try to forget what you saw. Maybe MIL knows.

Please tell your DH and almost make it clear you won't help cover it up from your lovely MIL.

If I were in your position I'm pretty sure I would tell my OH.

I'd be guided by him as to what to do after that but I guess one question to ask is, do you think MIL would want to know?

If she would I think she deserves to be told.

Yes, it's quite possible that MIL will not believe you and FIL will bluster - work colleague/was a group lunch after the meeting, etc. Having said that, I would tell DH and let him deal with it.

Tell your husband

I’d tell my husband. I agree with the lie by omission, but secrets fester so that would be my real reason. I’m sorry that’s happened.

You saw nothing. Leave them all to it x

Can't believe people are saying to pretend you didn't see it! (Easier said than done anyway, especially due to the upcoming holiday).
On the other hand, I can't say what you should do,but I suppose you have a number of options, including saying nothing. Some others:
-You could say to your FIL and tell him to come clean

• Say to your DH and leave it up to him
• Say it to your MIL especially as you are so close (if you were her, would you want to be told? You know her so you might be able to work out what's best). You could even ask her to keep your name out of it to your FIL (as it's awkward cause you are family), she could say a friend who shall remain nameless saw him in x on x date, and he'd know the game was up.
• An anonymous typed brief letter to MIL? To FIL? Signed-"A Friend". That's an off-the-wall suggestion but actually if you want your MIL to know but don't want you and DH dragged into it as the ones who are "telling", that might be an option! Then your conscience would be clear but you wouldn't be being seen to be in a judging role....?

I still think none of us can give you a definitive answer but maybe think through all your options and see which brings you most peace and least angst when pondering it.... If it was me I would pray about what to do next. It's definitely tricky. Good luck! Try not to be too stressed. Yes it's mental and sickening but it's your FIL's fault and no-one else's.

I would have my husband because we told each other everything. but what an awful situation for you.