What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

The only person I would tell is FIL that you saw him . You never know the full story wouldn't tell DH or MIL

I would do nothing.

I've been in this situation. Not with family, but my best friend. It did not go well. We're no longer friends and she's now married to him. I would say nothing.

I'd keep out of it, not my business.

Oh that so hard!
I’d like to think I’d have let him know I’d seen him at the time and let him sweat, but that’s not an option for you. Can you ask him in private who she was?

I would caution not to assume to know what you really saw. Could it be an old friend, a relative? Sometimes things are not as they seem.

It’s a horrible situation for you to be in. Don’t make any rash decisions.

I would tell the fil, nobody else at this stage. What options does you mil have realistically?

you dont know who she is
i would say nothing, perhaps tell my dh, but i would not tell mil

I’d not get involved. No one will thank you. It’s happened. You knowing about it makes no difference.

how do you know where he was meant to be though?

I couldn't not tell my husband about this (if I had one!) The whole point of marriage to me would mean honesty and communication. It will eat you up.

Do nothing. Your MIL may already know. If not, she may not accept the news and you'll be shot as messenger. It's a horrible position to be in but it'll be worse if you put yourself in the centre.

I think you doing the right thing. If you don’t speak up, then you’re complicit in the deception. You’ve not anything wrong, fil has.

I once saw my boss and the receptionist kissing outside the pub I was in.

I went out and said hi. Worst error ever. Queue workplace bullying and threats “if I ever tell anyone” blah blah blah.

As such, to all the “hindsight is 20:20” comments, nope never would I reveal my position again. All it does is give them a chance to start discrediting you.

Please don't tell her anonymously. Someone always suggests it and it's the cruelest thing you can do.

I would speak to your FIL so he knows you're aware. Then say nothing to anyone.

I'd definitely not tell my husband.

I'd speak to him. Tell him what I saw and ask him what he thinks we should do about it. That he has put me in a very difficult position and I want him to figure out a solution.

There's no fuckign way I'd be doing the emotional labour on sorting out the mess he has made with his wee cuddly lunch.

What a fucking idiot he is.

@Couchbettato

I think, while in Scotland with his parents I'd say, "I went to X town the other day and went to Y bar, lovely drinks, nice balcony, great views, you should try it some time MIL & FIL" while staring FIL dead in the eyes.

I was thinking along the same lines.

I would have to tell my husband. And I would be really shocked and hurt if I found out he saw something like that and didn't tell me.

@ItsReallyOnlyMe

Can you tell MIL anonymously?

Letter through door ?

Ffs. Are people really this cruel and immature? Terrible suggestion, I’d tell my bloke.

I would draw it out, inter woven over your life for the next 12 months, like a character study in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

I wouldn’t say anything. The messenger always comes out badly in these circumstances.

@theseoldbone

Please don't tell her anonymously. Someone always suggests it and it's the cruelest thing you can do.

Yes. When she's told, she needs to be able to ask questions of the person with the information. It's incredibly cruel to let her find out in a way that makes her powerless.

Op I think you are right to tell your Dh - it’s too big of a secret to keep. I’m sure you are very anxious and afraid of hurting anyone but you need to remember you aren’t the one doing anything wrong.

Your fil has made his bed so he can lie in it!

Sorry, I'd keep my mouth shut.