What on earth do I bloody do? 😢😢😢😢

[Moanyponey]

Was at at meeting out of town today, went for lunch in a wine bar with a girl friend and whilst there saw my father in law with another woman. We were on the balcony looking down and father - in-law was below us defiantly lovey-dovey 'arms around her' with another woman😬.. He was supposed to be in a meeting in another town. Feeling so sick 😢

@TheQueef. Yes my friend saw also.. They were sitting with arms around each other..her kissed her on her cheek .. I know what I saw..

I would have to say something to dh in your case.

Tell your husband - you can't keep that from him. It's then up to him what he does with the information. It's his family, so you shouldn't do any more than just let him know

Mil isn't a fragile flower that needs protection... Tell her now or you are an accomplice...

Hindsight is 20-20 but why didn’t you go down, hug, kiss him hello, extract an introduction?

It's none of your business, stay out of it.

Really??

It definatly is her business when the shit hits the fan...
my mum in law is lovely and treats me like a daughter

She won't if you keep this from her.

Please don't keep this to yourself.

She could just be a family friend, just tell your husband.

Keeping secrets in a family never did anyone any good.

It will eat you up anyway if you keep it secret.

There could be another explanation for this. I would forget it. However if it continues to bother you then maybe mention casually that you saw him in x town Monday but sorry I didn't get a chance to say hi? See what sort of reaction you get.

How do you know when and where his meetings are scheduled?

Yabu to say nothing - are you thinking a family holiday can go ahead with this under your hat?

@fallfallfall

Hindsight is 20-20 but why didn’t you go down, hug, kiss him hello, extract an introduction.

I don't know.. I was shocked😢.. I should have done something shouldn't I.. I was just stunned to be honest

Pretend you didn't see it. Honestly do nothing

Speak to fil in private. Tell him you were told he was in a meeting elsewhere but saw him with this woman, and it was obvious it wasn’t a business meeting

See what he says

I would tell your DH.
Then I would likely tell MIL.

If you and your husband are really looking forward to the holiday I would keep quiet until after the holiday and then tell your husband. Then it’s only you that has a ruined holiday. For your dh’s benefit not fil,
It will also give you a bit of time to consider all options as the messenger usually gets shot

I'd speak to your FIL, when it all comes out which it always does unless you lie and say you had no idea your dh and mil will be very hurt you said nothing.

My DP would tell me so therefore I would tell him. Don't add any emotions or anything, or assumptions e.g. 'I've seen your dad, he's having an affair!'. Factual recount of the events: 'I saw your DF in a restaurant with a woman. He had his arms round her.'

@HawksAreRed

I think by not saying anything to your DH you’re lying by omission.

Not at all! Don't dump this in your DH's lap, it puts him in a horrible position. It's none of your business, just stay out of it.

Of course it’s her business & why the hell should the OP have to live with a secret.

If it was anyone else, I would keep my nose out, but I don't think you can keep this from your DH, or talk to your FIL without his knowledge. That would be a huge breach of trust. It's his family, so his choice as to any action that needs to be taken. It will need very careful handling though. Good luck!

I am going to have to tell my husband tonight when he comes in from work! my friend said after I have told him, to ring her and she will tell him what she saw also.. I am doing the right thing isn't I?.. Its so upsetting!

[quote Moanyponey]@fallfallfall

Hindsight is 20-20 but why didn’t you go down, hug, kiss him hello, extract an introduction.

I don't know.. I was shocked😢.. I should have done something shouldn't I.. I was just stunned to be honest [/quote]
None of this is your fault. What a terrible man to do it so locally you saw him.

@WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo

Tell your husband. Get him to tell his mother

Exactly this.

@BoomChicka

How do you know when and where his meetings are scheduled?

I wondered this also.

You have to tell your husband, because if he learns you've kept this from him it will damage your marriage.

This would be my plan... Go on the holiday, speak to your FIL, tell him you know, and that he has 1 week after the end of the holiday to come clean to wife. At that point, regardless of what he's decided to do, you are telling your husband.

I think, while in Scotland with his parents I'd say, "I went to X town the other day and went to Y bar, lovely drinks, nice balcony, great views, you should try it some time MIL & FIL" while staring FIL dead in the eyes.

@Moanyponey

I am going to have to tell my husband tonight when he comes in from work! my friend said after I have told him, to ring her and she will tell him what she saw also.. I am doing the right thing isn't I?.. Its so upsetting!

Personally if my other half saw my father with another woman I would want to know immediately.

Good luck xxxx