Husband leaving me and I feel relieved

[Laurapb88]

So my husband has spent since Thursday giving me the silent treatment being extremely nasty when he has spoken and decided that today is the day hes leaving me there is no marriage so save blah this all started because I was in to much pain and too tired to make his tea we have a 1 and a half year old who is very active and literally never stops until he goes to bed and I have severe osteoarthritis in my knee which is causing me serious pain at the minute so our house is definitely not any where near as clean as it should be, when I ask him for a little help even just moving his own stuff all i get is he works all week anyway I feel really really sad for our little boy who is now losing his family and essentially his daddy for a little while until he gets sorted but I'm actually relieved it's over like i feel my life will now get better is this awful?

[Laurapb88]

Hi guys just thought I would update we have spoken a little bit he wants access one saturday and sunday and then just the Sunday the week after he messaged last night to ask if he could come round tonight after work to see the baby I've had to say no as I had plans and wont he home until his bed time I thought it would take longer than less than 24hours before he asked to see him now I'm not going to stop him ever but he cant just ask the night before and expect me to be available he is staying with his brother that is in a different town so he can't just come at the drop of a hat which is good hes has probably realised while watching his brother with his kids and step kids what hes lost I'm still relieved and really don't want him trying to come back so when he does come I will stay well out of the way thank you everyone again for all the support it has really helped xx

[DrSbaitso]

There's no better feeling on earth than the end of something awful.

[billy1966]

Well done OP for getting him out.
Life is going to feel a lot better.

Can he take the baby out?

Try and not allow him into the home.

Will you be selling or are you renting?

If he has no rights to the house, do not allow him to start the habit of thinking he can come and hang out in YOUR home.

He needs to make his own arrangements.

Keep posting.

[Laurapb88]

He works in all different places so I dont think he would finish in time to take him anywhere I think it would literally be an hour before bed I don't really want to let him in but then the baby has been so unsettled since Thursday I have a real guilt that I am keeping him away from his dad I still need to pack the rest of his stuff but I thought I would have until Saturday for that although he hasn't mentioned another day yet so maybe I still will it's so conflicting not wanting to do him any favours together with my son missing him and looking for him which he has done its heartbreaking for him xx

[Fluffycloudland77]

I bet his brother and oh are just delighted to have a lodger as well as kids. When they want him out he’ll be back trying to get in your good books.

[Laurapb88]

Tbh his brother and other half will be loving this they're as bad as him nasty horrible people they have come between more than I care to admit and I think this time he can try but I dont want to work it out everything is so much easier and it's only need 2 days haha

[Fluffycloudland77]

Honestly! Who meddles in other relationships like that.

Whenever my dh is in hospital the house is so much easier to look after.

[Laurapb88]

They do haha his mum asked him to chose between me and her a week before our wedding and that was because I told her if she went £150 on a suit for a one one and a half year old he wouldn't be part of the wedding as we just couldnt afford that for all the little boys that were part of the wedding so he either wore the same as them or he wasnt a paige boy, they have absolutely been telling him how he deserves so much more than me and he needs to leave I know this because they have always done it well this will be the first for the girl friend because she is fairly new I'm glad to be away from his family, and its so much easier isnt it haha hope your dh is ok xx

[Fluffycloudland77]

He’s plodding on thank you!.

Lord you are well off out of it with that family. Who leaves their wife because she won’t cook tea when ill 🤦🏻‍♀️

[RandomMess]

I wouldn't agree to him having every Sunday - that limits your weekend time with him to see friends and family.

He can have him EOW Friday evening to Monday morning plus a set day or two in the week. It's up to him to sort out where to have his child overnight.

[Laurapb88]

Were actually really struggling to sort any sort of plan with regards to custody and as always being nasty so I've had to say if we cant be civil and sorted our selves we will have to get help and go to court not what I want to do but needs must, I am really worried about the baby tho he just seems a bit lost not really eating his dad did ask if he could come round at tea time but I had plans i may just have to let him come and bath him and put him in bed this is all so unfair on the baby

[QueenBee52]

let him take it to Court... 🌸

[Laurapb88]

I would go to court it would mean that everything will be in writing but he changed his tune a bit when I said that so I can guess he doesn't want to do that

[QueenBee52]

@Laurapb88

I would go to court it would mean that everything will be in writing but he changed his tune a bit when I said that so I can guess he doesn't want to do that

listen... he's going to dick about/mess around with contact schedules.. so don't let him do that.. he doesn't control it all.. it needs to suit you both and your child..

If that doesn't work.. say No.. and let Him pay to take it to Court.., they will set a schedule..

if he fails to meet the contact schedule.. that's on Him.. not you 🌸

[Laurapb88]

That's very true but while hes off doing what ever hes doing I'm left with an upset baby I mean hes probably picking up on my feelings and I'm doing everything I can to stay up beat and happy around him he still seems to know I'm wavering a bit but I'm going to pack up all his stuff tomorrow out of sight out of mind as they say x

[QueenBee52]

@Laurapb88

That's very true but while hes off doing what ever hes doing I'm left with an upset baby I mean hes probably picking up on my feelings and I'm doing everything I can to stay up beat and happy around him he still seems to know I'm wavering a bit but I'm going to pack up all his stuff tomorrow out of sight out of mind as they say x

is he still living with you ? how does he know you are wavering? 🌸

[Laurapb88]

No he is with his brother he doesn't know but he knows me well enough to know lol I'm going to pack him up today every last thing

[pickingdaisies]

Don't waver! He might be hoping you are wavering but he doesn't know. Don't give in on seeing your baby either, of course your baby is unsettled but it's early days. He's picking up on your mood too. You need to insist on every other weekend, read what RandomMess said, she's spot on.
Get his stuff packed, you'll feel better when it's gone.

[billy1966]

Don't waver, you will bitterly regret it.

Of course the first few days are hard but it will get easier without him and his awful family.

Take the good advice re the baby, hold strong, don't be bullied by him.

[MiddlesexGirl]

Your baby may be unsettled for a few days but it won't last. Just think of all the other occasions when he's been unsettled when your dh was there - you just got on with it then.

You can use mediation as a, sometimes useful, first step before going to court. If he can stick to a mediated agreement that will be cheaper and less antagonistic than a court process.

Do keep him out of your home. He should make his own arrangements for where he sees your DS.

[Laurapb88]

Thank you guys you are helping me more than you know I've decided that there will be no communication today I need a day off its funny because he says he wants to see him as much as he can but he hasn't once asked how he is maybe he knows hes unsettled and doesn't want to feel guilty who knows

[QueenBee52]

@Laurapb88

Thank you guys you are helping me more than you know I've decided that there will be no communication today I need a day off its funny because he says he wants to see him as much as he can but he hasn't once asked how he is maybe he knows hes unsettled and doesn't want to feel guilty who knows

it's a controlling response...

you decide what works for you.. he doesn't decide this ..

[Laurapb88]

Well I've nearly finished packing his stuff and it's making me feel better the baby has eaten his breakfast and currently eating his dinner weve got this and I will make sure he has a happy home with me

[billy1966]

I think you are going to be mighty fine without his toxicity and I think your little boy will have a much better life in a calm home without drama.

One day at a time.

Keep posting.

[yourcoach]

I am always here for you, and I am sure that you can overcome the difficulties that happen to you now.