Husband leaving me and I feel relieved

[Laurapb88]

So my husband has spent since Thursday giving me the silent treatment being extremely nasty when he has spoken and decided that today is the day hes leaving me there is no marriage so save blah this all started because I was in to much pain and too tired to make his tea we have a 1 and a half year old who is very active and literally never stops until he goes to bed and I have severe osteoarthritis in my knee which is causing me serious pain at the minute so our house is definitely not any where near as clean as it should be, when I ask him for a little help even just moving his own stuff all i get is he works all week anyway I feel really really sad for our little boy who is now losing his family and essentially his daddy for a little while until he gets sorted but I'm actually relieved it's over like i feel my life will now get better is this awful?

[Laurapb88]

I think weve spent most of this year like that too unfortunately he definitely wants me to beg him to stay but I don't think hes realised I haven't asked him to stay the 4 times this year hes been "leaving" currently packing the all essential xbox haha I dont think I'm strong just weary of his shit I'm strangely ok thank you I'll be glad when hes gone x

[Guiltypleasures001]

First thing mom morn put in for any benefits
Then go get a jab in your knee I've had 3 makes a big difference
You've got this lovely

[Laurapb88]

I'm on the waiting list for the nerve blocker I'm counting down the days haha I'll get everything sorted first thing I wish he would go now and stop walking in and out I'm taking my self to bed when hes gone I'm exhausted x

[lisaandalan]

Aww bless you. Keep us posted I'm happy for you, you are much better off and I'm glad you know it and you are happy. X

[layladomino]

I feel happy for you @Laurapb88

The fact you feel relieved is very telling. Your instincts are that this is a good thing. And you are right. He brings nothing to your life. He doesn't make it easier or happier. He doesn't respect you. He thinks that bringing up your (joint) child is somehow all your job. He thinks you're some sort of household appliance, there to make his life easier.

You will feel even more relief once he's gone. I'm sure you will feel happier, calmer, more 'you'. It's not like he does much, so your workload won't be affected (in fact you'll probably have more down time once you don't have to look after him).

He will likely want to come back once he realises you don't want him, and that his life is harder without you in. Stay strong. For you and your child.

[Laurapb88]

Thank you I will its going to take some adjusting but I know I'll be fine ❤ x

[billy1966]

Keep your key in the door at all times so he cannot return.

Get his stuff together and dump it by the door.

Do not hesitate to call the police if he is even vaguely aggressive.

[ChargingBuck]

so unless I let him have him here then he wont be having him for any sort of time and I don't want him to have him here its always somehow my fault tho never his

Glad you are feeling relieved OP, well done you :)

Do NOT allow DH to tell you his contact time needs to be at yours.
He left, & if the place he now chooses to live in has other adults who "can't cope" with his son, that's his problem to sort out, not yours.

He sounds like a manipulator & Hooverer, who would use any time in your home to destabilise & undermine you.
lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

Keep that resolve.
Life is too short to have a critical, unhelpful drain in it

[dworky]

You & your child deserve so much more than this.
Don't be surprised if he doesn't go or goes & wants to come back, he sounds like an emotional blackmailer. Stick to your guns & make a better life. Good luck.

[Fluffycloudland77]

4 times? Is he not a teeny bit embarrassed about all that 😂

Good luck to you both. I hope they can help with your pain too.

[adultchildofalcoholicparents]

@twoandeights

Let him go. You can do better. I’m in the same boat. Receiving constant silent treatments everytime we disagree. I think I’m at about 8 weeks now in total this year. I wish I had your strength. If I was your age I’d definitely be out. There’s better out there for you. I can feel your relief

It probably doesn't belong on this thread but I'm sorry your age/set of circumstances put up such a barrier to you being able to do something similar to sort out your life and work towards some form of peace of mind and heart.

[PandaMine]

It’s tough being a mum when you have health issues. But even more tough with stress and strife in the home.

Once he’s gone, I think it would be very important to see a Family law Solicitor for an initial consultation. Knowledge is power. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. I think you need to know where you stand in terms of finances, property (can he just walk back in?) etc. You might need to draw up a formal separation agreement first off. Though I must add I’m not a solicitor so do t know how that exactly goes. But knowing where you stand legally puts you in a position to make the best decisions for you, can’t stress that enough.

[HollowTalk]

It's really telling that when a man like this leaves, he always goes to live with another woman, whether it's his mother, his grandmother or a girlfriend. It's never a man is it? You are well rid of this one. From now on your life will be peaceful and happy without him.

[Opentooffers]

Just thinking you're very young for osteoarthritis, previous injury, or have you considered reactive arthritis?- which can be in response to some STI's or gastric infections.

[Muchmorethan]

XH left me for OW 4 years ago. Once l knew l could financially survive, l was so glad he'd gone.

Our relationship had been dead for years and so l had done all my grieving whilst still married.

They are married now and I'm actually really pleased for them as they're well suited

[RandomMess]

Is the tenancy in both your names?

You need to sort things out so he can't come back.

Do you have family you could stay with for a while until your knee is more sorted?

[Laurapb88]

Sorry for the late reply the baby wouldn't settle tonight think he feels something is a miss, thank you all so much for your advice and encouragement it's made me feel a lot stronger than I am, he has gone and given me his keys so he can't let him self back in he mumbled something about I'll see you when I pick up the baby I just ignored him I didnt feel like I needed to answer, I have spoken with my mum who is going to help me and take me shopping lucky I have some money saved as we were just about to start ivf again that will help me out in the short term may use the rest for a holiday , pp I dont have the right grove in my knee mine is flat and has been dislocating since I was around 11 I've had ten operations and a full knee reconstruction which only helps for a short time I am under two consultants that are monitoring me they know I need a replacement but keep saying I am too young xx

[Laurapb88]

The tenancy is in my name he moved in with me i was already here, I will be able to cope with my knee especially since I will now only be cleaning after two and not treated like a slave haha,@Muchmorethan

[BrendaBubbles]

While this sounds like a long term good outcome for you do be prepared for some delayed grief to suddenly set in. Emotions are weird

[Laurapb88]

I think that will come I do love him more fool me I also fully expect in a few weeks he will want to come back but that's definatley not an option I think I will take others posters advice and seek some legal advice because I wont let him take him away from my mum and dad who have him every other weekend he adores them and they adore him I don't want to change his routine because his dad has left, he sounded like he was going to cry when he left so I think he was probably having second thoughts but its to late I'm going to find my self again reconnect with my friends and just be the best mum i can be to my little miracle boy xx

[LunaAndHerMoonDragons]

Does ex work? Could your parents have DS during the week instead? If he wants EOW then he'll get that at least. The court will prioritise a father's time over grandparents, better to work it out amicably instead. If ex has EOW and your parents have the other weekend, it would leave you with no weekends, which might be ok now, but you don't want that precedent long term once DS is at school.

[Laurapb88]

Yes he works, I think its reasonable my dad also works and would be to tired to have him during the week I think he will want to be out partying anyway so will suit him fine and I can spend time with my mum dad and baby the weekends they have him we are close and do a lot together anyway

[ChargingBuck]

So glad you have your mum & dad onside OP.

When you feel able, here's a bit of advice -
lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

[Redjumper1]

The child's father is obviously more important than his grandparents. Unless your former partner doesn't want any custody which is very sad for your DC .

[Laurapb88]

He does want custody but i hope he wouldnt take him away from the only grandparents that care about him they only have him on Saturday anyway so I'm sure we will all work it out he had made plans to go drinking Saturday night before he left so I genuinely dont think he will be bothered about it the baby was supposed to be at theres this weekend but there on holiday and he wont have anything to let him sleep over