Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

@BelladiMamma that sounds like a great date. I’d find the driving an amber flag too - but more I just can’t fathom how someone can live outside London and get around with a child without one. Probably a ridiculous perspective to have. I think it’s good too to challenge ourselves by going for different types of people.

Reading the Dreamer/Fantasy Relationship book I’m taking stock that my tendency to go for “evil genius” alpha males who I then instantly elevate and create a fantasy life around…. May be a pattern I need to address. To that end, my date tonight is completely different - first date in almost a year.. am excited and nervous!

Oh @BelladiMamma that all sounds lovely
And very promising. Despite the amber flags definitely worth further exploration.

@Dropdeadfred2 so glad things have been left so positively, despite the distance.

Loving the warm and fuzzies! 🥰🥰

Had surprisingly positive feedback about yesterday's coffee date zero from Mr Printer, which has actually made me quite angry! If he was positive about the meeting, why did he skite off, pretty much abandoning me mid-Americano, after 45 mins? I understand the sense in keeping things quite short at first, and pretty sure it's all about self preservation, but it verged on rudeness.

Meanwhile it's a week since Mr Colleague's two word, non committal message. I am sitting on my hands trying to resist messaging, but I do have a draft message that I'm tempted to leave back on Tinder, to clearly associate the text with the purpose of Tinder. I'm going to wait till the weekend and see how I feel about posting it then.

I think the wifi /privacy issue at home has been sorted but I am still feeling somewhat snooped on and, since the STBXH's pal has stirred things up, I'm sure that's not going to go away soon.

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@BelladiMamma that sounds like a great date. I’d find the driving an amber flag too - but more I just can’t fathom how someone can live outside London and get around with a child without one. Probably a ridiculous perspective to have. I think it’s good too to challenge ourselves by going for different types of people.

Reading the Dreamer/Fantasy Relationship book I’m taking stock that my tendency to go for “evil genius” alpha males who I then instantly elevate and create a fantasy life around…. May be a pattern I need to address. To that end, my date tonight is completely different - first date in almost a year.. am excited and nervous![/quote]
It's not a ridiculous perspective to have, it's a realistic one. I think at the moment his life works for him because she's little and they do everything within a very limited radius. But I chose to do things differently ... however, there are way more non drivers out there in the dating pool than I ever thought possible in my age range!

He actually owns a car and was taking lessons so that's good. But there was a slight learned helplessness about his 'I can't get driving lessons now because of Covid' (er, my DS has had them all summer?!) & also 'I'm not in touch with anyone other than x y and z, I never see my family and most of my friends'. I wondered if the two were linked?

Anyway. Over thinking here but filing those thoughts away for future reference and focusing on the fact that I don't feel scared, threatened or anxious around him. And I'd quite like to get a proper snog in ...

[quote Summerdress]@isitreallyme177 I understand, noone likes to be rejected! But you have much to bring to the table and in this case to offer this man, focus on your strengths and the 'date' will go fine x[/quote]
@Summerdress thank you! I have to remember not every man is a twat like my ex was when we were together. Mr Cricket seems genuine so I'm sure if he didn't want to he wouldn't have said yes and actually suggested a date. My ex is a twat for saying he only suggested today to inconvenience me.

@FireandBrimstone

Oh *@BelladiMamma* that all sounds lovely And very promising. Despite the amber flags definitely worth further exploration.

@Dropdeadfred2 so glad things have been left so positively, despite the distance.

Loving the warm and fuzzies! 🥰🥰

Had surprisingly positive feedback about yesterday's coffee date zero from Mr Printer, which has actually made me quite angry! If he was positive about the meeting, why did he skite off, pretty much abandoning me mid-Americano, after 45 mins? I understand the sense in keeping things quite short at first, and pretty sure it's all about self preservation, but it verged on rudeness.

Meanwhile it's a week since Mr Colleague's two word, non committal message. I am sitting on my hands trying to resist messaging, but I do have a draft message that I'm tempted to leave back on Tinder, to clearly associate the text with the purpose of Tinder. I'm going to wait till the weekend and see how I feel about posting it then.

I think the wifi /privacy issue at home has been sorted but I am still feeling somewhat snooped on and, since the STBXH's pal has stirred things up, I'm sure that's not going to go away soon.

Both those situations sound quite frustrating. Not sure I have any great advice, as you can't change MrColleague into a great communicator and you can't make MrPrinter better at dating.

So nice to read about your evenings! @Dropdeadfred2 have you spoken to him about how things will look going forward?
And @BelladiMamma Mr Tattoo sounds like a little dreamboat, I felt fuzzy just reading about him!

@BelladiMamma yay for a fun night out! I wouldn’t be excited about the not driving either. For me I like a man who drives. Personal thing though. I’m kind of into cars which is another part of it.
3 white mice is so cute! 😆😆

@FireandBrimstone I think a 45 minute coffee is ok.. guess it was a date zero? Maybe he had to rush off somewhere? I wouldnt take it personally.

@Isitreallyme177 Isle of Wight festi will be soooo fun!! 💗💗

Belladi
As you want relationship lite , maybe it’s better he has flaws and amber flags ?

As if he was prefect and flaw free …. You’d maybe fall a bit hard ?

Ref my sexting . On the one hand I know he is busy busy in the week , he always has been . But thanks to apple I cloud sharing issues I have to take photos , send immediately and delete
And I can only take photos when son is at school
So he gets them when at work or in a building site and probably not horny !!!

But on a more fundamental level I’m accepting fairly lacklustre communication and response levels because he right now is the only person I fancy
I do know that , and I’m concerned that yet again I’m in a very dysfunctional relationship pattern

I always said I have such poor boundaries I need to be single
But as we’ve discussed , I’m horny

@Shayelle2009 I'm gonna try and lose the ex for a bit otherwise I think I might swim back to the mainland and I hate swimming😂. Not sure if I can handle a whole weekend with him😬. And I've got to take lots of photos to send to Mr Cricket, as he requested.

Haha @Isitreallyme177 is it the two of you going or a group? The weather’s looking nice for you, have you got some nice outfits sorted? Made me laugh when you said about the cat doing a poop at the wrong moment, that is EXACTLY what mine would do 🤣🤣 would also sit staring at them intensely from a distance of 10 feet making everyone feel uncomfortable 🤣🤣🤣

So it's been left that we will see each other 'soon' but i know that in reality it won't be a soon as i would like. He has a small child he sees 50% of time when he's not sitting away and i have my daughter alternate weekends. This last 6 weeks has been amazing because he had been so close. @BelladiMamma... my guy also doesnt drive - for various reasons although he wants to take lessons and pass asap... its frustrating but not a dealbreaker.

@Shayelle2009 oh no thank god, we have another friend coming too. I'm really disorganised, I have nothing to wear but I do have a gin glass and some gin!😂 I'm taking my skinny jeans and some shorts but unless it's 25c my shorts will stay in my bag and I'll be wrapped up in a hoodie😂.

My cat would do the same, or go and hide so everyone feels guilty.

@Isitreallyme177 they are so manipulative aren’t they?? For such small creatures they can totally make or braak an atmosphere 😱
Can’t wait to hear what the festival was like ☺️☺️

Do not text BeardFlake
Do not text BeardFlake
Do not text BeardFlake

Daily mantra as we reach the milestone of 8 days 😭😭😭

Don’t do it @BelladiMamma - it’s pure pointlessness and takes you right back to square one. 8 days is fantastic.

Do not do this!! He knows where you are if he wanted to text you he would....sorry

I've got my clothes for the Isle of Wight festival on my bed ready to go in my rucksack (along with flip flops for the shower, thanks Mr Cricket!), i have a cake in the oven (baking helps relieve the stress), then when it's cooling I shall do the housework. It's amazing how much of a stress reliever baking is and I have list of what I need to take and I'm ticking everything off as it goes in a bag.

@BelladiMamma you have my sympathy but don't do it, it gets easier.

@Isitreallyme177 @Dropdeadfred2 @ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you. I rode that wave of temptation and have now realised I've got a sh1t ton of work to do & in for minor surgery tomorrow!!

I also need to remember that IRL an indecisive partner is effing awful and a massive turn off

[quote BelladiMamma]**@Isitreallyme177* @Dropdeadfred2* @ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you. I rode that wave of temptation and have now realised I've got a sh1t ton of work to do & in for minor surgery tomorrow!![/quote]
Good for you!! I know why you want to text him i really do.. but stay strong

@BelladiMamma as my friend said to me about my last bf/iron - he will drive you mad over time.. she was right although when he ended things after love bombing/over promising like crazy I didn’t agree. Now, 3 months later, I look at his social media and just cringe… mememe…. victim mentality… attention seeking… volatile moods… no thanks!

@NewJoolz - my iron was a constant talker, I never met him for 3 month...he would message all the time but be very vague about meeting. He would always say he wanted to though! Eventually this carried on more messaging for ages and then we did meet up a few times ( he cancelled a couple of those though too).

I would slow it down with your iron or just say ' nice chatting but I prefer in person so drop me a line when you have some time' - you can get very invested in these penpal scenarios.

@BelladiMamma keep going, 8 days is great! Can you delete number so you aren't tempted?

@Isitreallyme177 - I looked at going to IoW, inevitably now the weather is nice I wish I had booked it. My fave band are playing Friday night, then Duran Duran Sun, but not much in between I wanted to see, so decided it wasn't worth it. I saw DD last night in Birmingham instead!

@BelladiMamma - I was responding to this, it made it sound like he has a three eyes:

With the 6 foot 3 eyes of blue MrTattoo.

I'm starting to get bored of MrWG now. No full sex (he's great at the other stuff) and he doesn't have much time to see me at all. I don't want an odd hour here and there, and his comms in between is really poor unless he's actually away doing something when he sends me photos.

Guy from the walking group who asked me out has tested positive for Covid so not sure how that affects our "date" Sat week. I'll let him let me know about that I guess.

[quote VanGoghsDog]@Isitreallyme177 - I looked at going to IoW, inevitably now the weather is nice I wish I had booked it. My fave band are playing Friday night, then Duran Duran Sun, but not much in between I wanted to see, so decided it wasn't worth it. I saw DD last night in Birmingham instead!

@BelladiMamma - I was responding to this, it made it sound like he has a three eyes:

With the 6 foot 3 eyes of blue MrTattoo.

I'm starting to get bored of MrWG now. No full sex (he's great at the other stuff) and he doesn't have much time to see me at all. I don't want an odd hour here and there, and his comms in between is really poor unless he's actually away doing something when he sends me photos.

Guy from the walking group who asked me out has tested positive for Covid so not sure how that affects our "date" Sat week. I'll let him let me know about that I guess.[/quote]
Can i ask why no full sex??

[quote Bangheadhere40]@NewJoolz - my iron was a constant talker, I never met him for 3 month...he would message all the time but be very vague about meeting. He would always say he wanted to though! Eventually this carried on more messaging for ages and then we did meet up a few times ( he cancelled a couple of those though too).

I would slow it down with your iron or just say ' nice chatting but I prefer in person so drop me a line when you have some time' - you can get very invested in these penpal scenarios.

@BelladiMamma keep going, 8 days is great! Can you delete number so you aren't tempted?[/quote]
Thanks @Bangheadhere40. My iron is exactly like this!! Glad you actually met yours a few times though! Did it take 3 months to actually get him to meet??

Mine has been All talk for the last 4 weeks about how much he wants to come down and meet me and spend the weekend together rather than just a quick couple of hours, blah blah blah!!! I’ve given him options (me driving to him, meeting in the middle etc) but he just swerves the question, blames work shifts not allowing him a whole weekend, being ignored by his boss about taking holiday etc etc and then promptly changes the subject by heaping on more compliments!

I fear I’m already too invested in the chat/phone/video calls as he’s so lovely to chat to but seeing it written down, it does all sound dodgy!!