Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

Early loo update

Conversation still nice and chilled, dry senses of humour. Shy so very unlikely to be naughty 😈 which is boring a good thing

@BelladiMamma

Early loo update

Conversation still nice and chilled, dry senses of humour. Shy so very unlikely to be naughty 😈 which is boring a good thing

Love a loo update!

Sounds like a positive start. If anyone can bring him out of his shell, I suspect you can Bella...

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@FireandBrimstone

oh I know that feeling - the whole "I'm naturally quiet" vibe just makes me feel like I'm gabbling on even if I'm not? It feels kind of uneasy, like they're sitting there gathering information whilst giving away nothing about themselves.[/quote]
Tbh I feel less that he was accruing useable info, and more genuinely that either he is massively guarded, or actually doesn't have much more to him 😬
His WA chat has been really consistent and interested, but very much geared towards asking me stuff, keeping his own answers to a limit. He also cuts off the chat very quickly (going to do something, going to bed) which I think is self protection. It felt very odd that he left after only 45min - which I know we could interpret as a textbook low investment Date Zero - once again he had something he needed to do. So, everything just cut short rather than risk relaxing into it / vulnerability?

Anyway - I've sent a non committal nice to see you message and I'm prepared for it to go no further. There are definite pros and cons either way.

@BelladiMamma

Early loo update

Conversation still nice and chilled, dry senses of humour. Shy so very unlikely to be naughty 😈 which is boring a good thing

Oooh good luck..i missed the fact you had a date tonight x

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, your advice was greatly appreciated. MrYellow and I spoke earlier and we both want to move forward from what happened. We agreed to speak in a few days to arrange a date. I am feeling hopeful x

@Summerdress

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, your advice was greatly appreciated. MrYellow and I spoke earlier and we both want to move forward from what happened. We agreed to speak in a few days to arrange a date. I am feeling hopeful x

That's great. Good comms!! Best of luck with next date

I need to stop worrying. I got all excited about dinner (have now decided on lasagne as I can do that the day before and stick in the oven on the day) and I've not heard from Mr Cricket about whether he is stopping by tomorrow for coffee and now I'm worrying that I got all excited and I've jinxed it.

@BelladiMamma glad it's going well.

Forgot to say, I also think he was in dad and work mode and feeling overwhelmed with it all. It was a surprise though as he is usually very chatty. I actually think that not talking every day is a good thing, it can become monotonous.

@Isitreallyme177 oh that sounds sooooo familiar! However the back and read your first sentence: yes, you NEED to stop worrying!

@Summerdress welcome, I've still not caught up fully with the first posts of this thread but I've read your original one and I'm glad you have been able to talk about what happened and square it away enough to move forward.

Update.... I'm going out to dinner with my guy

@Dropdeadfred2 I am excited for u! Tell us more

I will update upon my return

@FireandBrimstone thank you. Ive just trained myself to think the worst then when the worst happens I'm not too upset. But he agreed to dinner and said he thought it a great idea and he wouldn't have done that unless he actually wanted to. It's coffee for gods sake, it's not like I have to prepare a meal this time (that's next time 😬).

After not hearing from an iron since yesterday (when I initiated brief chat & we swapped one min —clothed! —videos, which is a thing we seem to do) would it be too much to send this:
“So — I’d be interested to have a chat or a drink sometime, if you’d like that . There are a few days coming up when I will be in London again”.

I want to either pin him down to a date now or ditch & move on — he was hoping to see me Sat but didn’t contact me until the day — too late!!

Or do I need to build up more chat/ suggest phone call? I dislike phone — prefer in person to test.

@BelladiMamma excellent loo update! ;-)
@Dropdeadfred2 have a lovely time!

Hi everyone
I’m off tinder , I was so laughing at that other thread . It also relieved me, it’s not just me !

I’m sexting with my overseas obsession and that’s keeping me amused for now
My kids are very needy !

But I am going to go to a work event and try my flirting skills with real people
Maybe 🤔

@Earlgrey19

I personally think that message is fine and would send similar - I'd stick to your comfort zone regarding what you want (actual date not last minute hang out!)

and if he's vague or doesn't want to confirm then also that's useful information too if you need to move on?

I've sometimes thought I needed to "be a bit more relaxed" but actually I prefer a scheduled date (doesn't have to be posh but just so I know where and when in advance) and I've regretted it when I've compromised.

Not sure if you were lurking on the threads then but there was a bit of a consensus that doctors can be very charming and intelligent compared to the usual Neanderthals, and give good date/chat/contact - but can also be a nightmare to schedule with (unless you want to basically be "on-call" all the time yourself!).

Hope I'm wrong though here!

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk

I think I will send, and stick with my boundaries 😊. No, I wasn’t on the earlier threads but I’m sure that can be true about docs. It also sounds to me like his son might live with him full time, tho I don’t know that for sure.

Summerdress
I think women definitely tend be good at communicating , sending catch up texts etc
From this thread and friends who are OLD I don’t think men are the same
Anyway maybe don’t necessarily see it as an out and rejection ?

Bloody he’ll are you on an actual date Belladi!

Back from my date! I didn't sleep with him - go me!

With the 6 foot 3 eyes of blue MrTattoo.

What a nice chap. Reserved but relaxed, intelligent, quiet, nice around me. Not huge amounts of love bomb-y fetching and carrying or paying but nice checking in with me, when necessary. Didn't feel smothered or put on a pedestal or sex hounded or any of the usual vibes I get from men.

He is shy and he does have two amber flags of not being in touch with many of his family members and not driving. Also, not a huge amount of dating. A couple of virtual things during lockdown and one ex who popped up but that fizzled out. Doesn't look, act or feel like a player to me ...

And: good job that he's happy in, own house, generally happy and content in himself. Despite being widowed and being fully in charge of a six year old!

Lovely hug and kiss when we said goodbye. I gave him a lift to the station and got out of the car to hug him, which we did and then he went in for a nice friendly kiss, brief but really genuine and I wanted more.

But a totally out of character move I decided to get an early night and leave the ball in his court.

Already exchanging messages now.

Feeling all fuzzy and warm

Mr Tattoo sounds ace! What a lovely date. Yay for you! 😊

@Earlgrey19

After not hearing from an iron since yesterday (when I initiated brief chat & we swapped one min —clothed! —videos, which is a thing we seem to do) would it be too much to send this: “So — I’d be interested to have a chat or a drink sometime, if you’d like that . There are a few days coming up when I will be in London again”.

I want to either pin him down to a date now or ditch & move on — he was hoping to see me Sat but didn’t contact me until the day — too late!!

Or do I need to build up more chat/ suggest phone call? I dislike phone — prefer in person to test.

@BelladiMamma excellent loo update! ;-)
@Dropdeadfred2 have a lovely time!

I think it's perfectly fine to suggest a meet up. Just a relaxed coffee is good? Sounds them out too

@BelladiMamma wow, sounds like a really nice date, and promising. Love that ‘not driving’ is an amber flag

@bangheadhere40

That was exactly it spring wanted to chat 24/7 but very little / zero meets - as you say of course he had time for other stuff.

Previously too I may have spelt that out again to him but why should I! I'm always going on about actions v words so I have to present with my actions ( not words) I'm not going along with the penpal arrangement anymore.

Hi @bangheadhere40. Hope you don’t mind me asking, but did your iron promise/arrange meets with you and then flake, or always claim to be ‘too busy’? I’ve just been mostly lurking here in the dating thread, and reading about everyone’s dates with interest. I am currently chatting with someone who seems lovely, very frequent messaging etc, but is so evasive/swervy when trying to arrange to meet, and am coming to the conclusion that he just wants a pen pal. I don’t want to call time on him, but don’t particularly want to just chat forever!