Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

@Naimee87 During my sexual revolution I had a number of FB/FWB, everyone involved knew there was no exclusivity.

I've never gone from FWB to FB, generally the communication level was agreed at the start.

If you think an FWB is becoming an FB then you mention it because you've got good boundaries, and end things if it doesn't improve.

@Naimee87 my ex is very much a man that gets himself into those situations and he invariably gets hurt (and I'm usually the one picking up the pieces). I said to a friend last weekend he needs a nice, normal woman, with no issues. His last one wanted to carry on seeing other women whilst with him, his last interest(who he said he had fallen for before they even met) has serious health issues. None of them wanted a committed relationship which is what he wants but instead of saying that he goes along with the FB or FWB and gets himself in such a mess as he falls for them and they don't feel the same.

I'll keep you posted on dinner, may have to do something with chocolate now (he likes his chocolate). Not sure I could live without galaxy.😬

Naimee87

IF I manage to land a FWB, I don’t think I’d manage more than one ! As I’m mainly looking for that as don’t have time for a real relationship
I’d find it super draining to have two , three !

But I think you discuss early
I have a potential I’m sexting right now (!!) and he was upfront he wants exclusive

@Thisisworsethananticpated good point! Haven’t met him yet, though. Maybe need to soon, to check. The messages are really good. He seems attractive. Maybe struggling with him working in a boarding school, feel wary our values won’t align...

BelladiMamma
I’d shit myself too !!!! But I’ve pasted what sorting it out shared and I’m going to read later xxx

I was very body confident when young
But at 48 ….this is embarrassing but I have a varicose vein on one leg and I’m so para about it

Morning all, hope the weekend is going well.

Not much to report here except I swiped right on someone holding a huge fish and we matched. I started asking him about said fish in a jokey way and I think he's taken offence, so protective over their fish!

@BelladiMamma Exactly, I had a chat with someone who said why not wait for someone who could be a potential life partner but I think my views have changed in the sense meeting people on dating sites then feeling disillusioned post this. Definitely not invested here!

@Naimee87 I've only ever had one FWB and we saw each other exclusively and regularly. I couldn't manage it not being exclusive really like @Thisisworsethananticpated Ideally I am looking for someone long term with potential and my last FWB just filled the gap. However he then started having feelings and I realised from his perspective, he thought the relationship couldn't progress because he was emotionally unavailable yet from my perspective, he was completely unsuited to anything long term due to his lifestyle etc. I genuinely was shocked when he said he had always loved me. We didn't actually chat about it as I thought that was obvious.

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma Exactly, I had a chat with someone who said why not wait for someone who could be a potential life partner but I think my views have changed in the sense meeting people on dating sites then feeling disillusioned post this. Definitely not invested here![/quote]
I find that attitude slightly patronising ... and the 'oh if DH and I ever divorced I don't think I'd bother' ... mmm 🤔 maybe come back and let me know when that happens... and tell me how you feel ...

@Thisisworsethananticpated

BelladiMamma I’d shit myself too !!!! But I’ve pasted what sorting it out shared and I’m going to read later xxx

I was very body confident when young
But at 48 ….this is embarrassing but I have a varicose vein on one leg and I’m so para about it

😆😆😆 The comedy potential for everything is huge really isn't it 😄

@BelladiMamma I guess they think why waste time with people you don't see a future with. However I think living for now is a hugely empowering thing if you aren't hurting anyone. I had a great time last night and would have been fine had it not gone anywhere because he's certainly not life partner material. That said, we are seeing each other next weekend!

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma I guess they think why waste time with people you don't see a future with. However I think living for now is a hugely empowering thing if you aren't hurting anyone. I had a great time last night and would have been fine had it not gone anywhere because he's certainly not life partner material. That said, we are seeing each other next weekend![/quote]
I'm increasingly of that POV. I can't and won't do FWB with anyone I don't enjoy spending time with but if the timing is right ...

Mr Fish is actually nice, lives nearly 2 hours away though!

Another iron is Mr Nervous, seems nice but just joined and seems very anxious.

Also brand new to this thread and it's definitely making me smile

@Eesha

Lol you hussy

I think that's kind of where I am with "casual" - I'm not going to go through the process of negotiating online

but if something happened spontaneously after meeting someone, then it happens?

At a conference next week and have a few days down time - should I Tinder in a new european city or not?

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Eesha

Lol you hussy

I think that's kind of where I am with "casual" - I'm not going to go through the process of negotiating online

but if something happened spontaneously after meeting someone, then it happens?

At a conference next week and have a few days down time - should I Tinder in a new european city or not? [/quote]
Could be interesting ;-)

Just a quick check in from me. I had a 3 day weekend with MrMud which was amazing 🥰. It was the longest we've ever spent together in one go, we split our time between both our houses and had a great time. He asked if it was ok to officially call me his girlfriend and I said yes, so I guess I now have a boyfriend 😳 . We have both agreed to delete the apps (I was only on bumble as I had long since deleted the others!) And I'm feeling very happy about it! Also briefly discussed introduction to respective children, we both agree it's far too early yet, but both see it happening at some point.
I told my daughter about him last week, and she was much better about it than I thought she would be.

@Dirtyduck

excellent news!

@Dirtyduck @TwatInTinFoil nice to get positive updates

Well, after Feeld exploded (but FAB didn't), I have one new WhatsApp iron: MrActor.

Feeling very meh about the fact that MrTattoo has turned into another scheduling nightmare, along with MrItaly. They're the two I have the most genuine connection with, always respectful and fun. The sort of guys I like to spend time with, but without it turning into an obsession like BeardFlake. Which was only an obsession because like all these flakes they get you all excited then ... flake ... so you're endlessly chasing the validation and the artificial high.

17 days NC with BeardFlake

17 days NC with BeardFlake
It’s funny you just wrote that as I followed your advice and wrote a note about overseas obsession! I’d say NC but he started it !!!!

Well done

And that’s nice news dirty

I’m not going to do any OLD or looking at
Messages on a sad Sunday night ! That’s my new rule
Only message when chirpy / flirty

Which ain’t happening Sunday night !

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m not going to do any OLD or looking at Messages on a sad Sunday night ! That’s my new rule Only message when chirpy / flirty

Which ain’t happening Sunday night !

Well if you had a very lush Scottish actor off Feeld sending you voice notes you might get tempted 😜

@Thisisworsethananticpated

17 days NC with BeardFlake It’s funny you just wrote that as I followed your advice and wrote a note about overseas obsession! I’d say NC but he started it !!!!

Well done

By next week all the things that we'd planned should have happened so I think I won't be reminded of him. Unfollowed him on social media etc etc finally. Not that he ever posted anything

Feeling myself flag already at the multiple times daily messaging that goes on when you seem to make a good match on OLD. I get to a point I want to take a few days off from It & then they think I’m not interested. Alternative is to suggest meeting but I think I tend to suggest it too soon and it scares some.

@Dirtyduck that’s lovely! And good to have a positive story to inspire us 😊