Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

yellowcourgette - I guess it depends what you are looking for? If it's an exclusive relationship of whatever form, then I'd be very cautious. You defo need a conversation with him about what you both want.
Anyway, he may be hopeless in bed and it's all history anyway!

@Shayelle2009

Have to say I have NEVER seen brighton so dead. ☠️ What is going on!!!

I've just got back from Brighton and the north laines were ROCKING. you and me got to re hit the town babe @Shayelle2009 🤗🤗🤗

@SortingItOut just wanted to thank you for the recommendation of Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl. I've been binge reading the website for 2 days.. it's given me a lot to think about.

I'm going to give it a whirl on FAB.

This week's dates were so ... underwhelming. MrTattoo is going to be a slow burn if it's anything... and I am hoping that a different approach might yield results.

On Bumble I've let myself be constrained by ideas of what I should be looking for and who I should be with. That's not to say I couldn't go back on there and be more honest or firm with my boundaries but I think guys on there are very shy or not clear on what they want either. Or is that just OLD full stop 🤷🏻‍♀️

Good luck with Fab @BelladiMamma

Not sure how much you’ve used it but my personal experience (brief) was that there are also plenty of flaky/weird guys on there (alongside the inbox of penii)

so hopefully there’ll be a new wave of contacts but also no form of dating seems flake-proof!

(Says she, getting a refund for speed dating that didn’t happen )

Yeh I definitely know that feeling of wanting to change strategy though!

I’m going to lean into other stuff and see how I feel in a couple weeks

Might even get back on tinder, we shall see!

@averywittyusername The Baggage Reclaim site is really good, if you can get hold of the book it is well worth reading as well, they do it on kindle as well.
When i picked the book I couldn't put it down, from a few pages in it was like reading my life and I then realised I am the issue.

@BelladiMamma Fab is very good for saying what you want and there is no shame in that.
Have a think about what you want before you create a profile.
Even without photos you will be inundated, on my first day I had 700+ messages.

My no's were men who were married/in a relationship, men who couldn't be arsed to complete their profile, men who had an age range of 18 - 99, men who couldn't accomodate, men who wanted to meet TV/TS (and females) and said they were straight ,men who had sex photos (possible issues around consent plus I know what sex looks like), men who's photos were taken in a toilet, men who couldn't string a sentence together....and after all that I still had a huge amount of available men.

The other option of course is a sex club, if I wasn't with Mr K I'd be going regularly. (We did go to a sex club together but it was when we were FB and once we became a couple we have agreed not to go to them until way further down the line)

I call my time on dating sites/FAB my sexual revolution- it wss exactly what I needed at that time and I wasn't ashamed that I had needs to be met....god I miss it😂

I'm going to give it a whirl on FAB

Oh exciting Belladi ! How are you going to pitch it ?
I’m not quite there yet as I have another month to run on inner circle
I have a hook up (it’s not a date , let’s not pretend) Tuesday and I’ll assess thereafter

Yellow
Can’t you both relieve each other’s , erm , tensions without full sex ?
Be like a 15 year old again 😂
There has to be a way without full sex
Take your dildo along 🙈

Best of luck @BelladiMamma you've had great tips from @SortingItOut re deciding what you want and sticking to it. There's so many options on there that its easy to be very picky. Always listen to your gut too.
Never been to a sex club Sorting but would've loved to visit during my "sexual revolution" 😂 maybe one day!

@Earlgrey19 I had exactly the same with my previous iron, he’s currently seeing if he can work things out with his ex for the sake of his kids. At the time I was gutted because he’ll be unhappy forever and he knows it, but the pull of being around to protect (yes they need protecting, she’s an alcoholic) was naturally very strong

@Heartbeats0708 If you ever get a chance you should go, the best ones restrict the amount of single men, the night I went it was couples and single women only.
All very lovely, no pressure, just like a night out except if you went in to the play area you had to get down to underwear, it was so liberating I walked around naked in the play area, I'm sure that helped loads with my body confidence 😊

I’ve ditched all my hinge matches now and am over it. I just downloaded feeld which is great. It says it is for hookups but there’s a real mix of people on there, at least in London where I am. I already have nearly 600 likes which is obviously ridiculous as am a 45 year old average woman, but there are some really good quality men on there. On paper anyway! I’m not looking for a relationship tbf just a friend with benefits situation - guess that is always easier to find! Or should be.
Has anyone else got any experience with feeld?

Thanks everyone and especially @SpringlikeBunk @SortingItOut for your tips

Unlike Bumble I haven't been inundated.

My profile went live last night and it's basically looking for single FWB close in age who can make good conversation

I've had about 40 messages

I'm hoping to keep a lid on it and whittle it down

Fake name, no photo, only going if they can accommodate. No marrieds no straight off dick pics etc etc

Being quite demanding of any messaging as in it has to be good. Not just 'hi'

@BelladiMamma I know a lot of women don't like dick pics but on Fab I liked to know what was on offer before I replied to messages..

Good luck with it.

I still have my profile on there but its hidden, Mr K knows, he deleted his but I can't quite bring myself to do that.
Occasionally I log in to read the forums and check out the hot photos.

If you have paid for a subscription make sure you use the notes section for people, I rarely block but if someone did or said something I didn't like I'd make a note in case they messaged in the future. Especially handy if you ask why they can't accomodate and they give an answer, I would make a note in case in the future they messaged again and might give a different answer.

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma I know a lot of women don't like dick pics but on Fab I liked to know what was on offer before I replied to messages..

Good luck with it.

I still have my profile on there but its hidden, Mr K knows, he deleted his but I can't quite bring myself to do that.
Occasionally I log in to read the forums and check out the hot photos.

If you have paid for a subscription make sure you use the notes section for people, I rarely block but if someone did or said something I didn't like I'd make a note in case they messaged in the future. Especially handy if you ask why they can't accomodate and they give an answer, I would make a note in case in the future they messaged again and might give a different answer.[/quote]
I don't like it with the first message

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma I know a lot of women don't like dick pics but on Fab I liked to know what was on offer before I replied to messages..

Good luck with it.

I still have my profile on there but its hidden, Mr K knows, he deleted his but I can't quite bring myself to do that.
Occasionally I log in to read the forums and check out the hot photos.

If you have paid for a subscription make sure you use the notes section for people, I rarely block but if someone did or said something I didn't like I'd make a note in case they messaged in the future. Especially handy if you ask why they can't accomodate and they give an answer, I would make a note in case in the future they messaged again and might give a different answer.[/quote]
Hit send too soon!

Stressing about waiting in for very late running builder ...

I am not going to pay for a subscription but I'd like to get a PAYG contract for my old phone before I start sharing any numbers. I'm interested in meeting before a lot agreement and I'm hoping the FAB guys are less flaky than the bumble guys ... but as many of you pointed out that's not always the case ...

How the hell do you find out about sex parties? Tell me more!

Mr Cricket sent me some lovely photos from his holiday. Slightly jealous of his dinner view, it puts my view of the communal garden with its uncut grass and overgrown bushes slightly in the shade 😂😂(still doesn't beat my dawn photo from IOW though😀). I've had 10 days off and now it's back to the hum drum world of every day life again. As i said to Mr Cricket the break away, even though it was only a few days at a festival, has done me the world of good. Even the past few days where I've done nothing other than watch TV has been a nice break from work.

Now back to work, the gym and everyday life all refreshed and raring to go. Oh and dinner plans, birthday plans, nights out and Christmas plans.

@BelladiMamma I was more thinking of dick pics in their photo gallery rather than in a message.

I paid for a silver subscription, it wasn't much and you get a few extras like who's jear, who has liked you etc

Mine wasn't a sex party but a swingers club/sex club although on the Fab forum I have seen mention of private parties - not the invite though, I think generally people meet in clubs, become friends and then get invited to private parties.

I found out about Vanilla Alternative on Fab, its in Bedfordshire which is miles away from my house but we booked the accomodation on site.
Lots of clubs advertise in the forum under Clubs, there are lots all over the country.

@BelladiMamma a lot of my irons/ FWB are fab guys

So weird that sex clubs is suddently a theme on here, i was chatting to two friends just this week my gay best friend and my other friend whose bi and both have had amazing experiences. They couldn't believe i had never even heard of a sex club before. Sounds way waay waaay too much for me but perhaps in the future my opinion may change.

No chat with MrE. I'm sure even you're all fed up of this on-going saga. He couldn't talk yesterday until too late so i said 'no' and offered today at lunch and again 'no' so text and said 'look this is it for me time to move on, you've had plenty of chances to make time to talk and not taken any'. I was willing to speak but i'm not waiting around for HIM to be ready.' Blocked him and he's reached me on another number. Now he's convinced himself i'm seeing someone else and this is the reason for me ending things. I have been final 3 times now and offered to talk. Not much else i can do. I think i've been as accommodating as i can and he's just pissing me off now.

@Isitreallyme177 lovely to hear you enjoyed your time off and you got some nice photo's from MrCricket. How are the dinner plans coming along? Is it this thursday you've invited him?

So far the one thing I am really enjoying about FAB is that I can only access it at home so there is less bored searching or messaging

@BelladiMamma

Yes I am sure I’d have found a gem or three on Fab if I kept at it - some decent nice sounding guys in contact but just wanted a break from everything after a week!

But the one guy I met FTF turned up late and then didn’t live where he said he did

one did the “on the day” flake a few hours in advance

Couple guys asked for a number and seemed very entitled/pushy/not respectful of consent - ie “you’re on Fab so that means you HAVE to agree to sex on the first meet and sexting in advance”

I guess it’s boundaries boundaries boundaries, and remember that first contact/promising chat doesn’t necessarily “convert” to anything

like all apps really!

I want to know about sex parties 🎉

What do you wear
Do you have a few drinks to loosen up
How does it actually work
I’m envisaging you sit there and watch, get horny and join in ?
What happens if someone you don’t like tried

The etiquette ! It’s boggling my mind !!!!