Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

Well I've had a great night out and if MrProperty or MrGig suggested something interesting another time I might say yes.

Very unlikely to pursue them myself.

MrGig did a lot of monologue type chat and reminded me of my Dad. Not in a good way. I love my Dad but now he's older he can bore for France. Like someone had said to him ‘now please talk for 5 minutes without a break on what ever subject Bella mentions - but don’t actually let her say anything.’ He also went to the loo three times during our date and at least once got himself a drink on the way back from the loos. Slightly suspicious he may have a drink issue.

However the gig was amazing and I’m so pleased I went.

Date zero coffee which became pub trip with MrProperty was also quite similar. He did a lot of the talking and in doing so revealed a family dynamic which sounded challenging for any LTR.

Feeling pretty chilled and happy to have been out though

And ladies - I can tell you where all the men are. They’re in the pubs and at gigs. I’d say men outnumbered women 5-1 at least on all the venues that I went to this evening.

I can tell you where all the men are. They’re in the pubs and at gigs. I’d say men outnumbered women 5-1 at least on all the venues that I went to this evening.

I did not find this to be true at the Duran Duran gig last week .....

@VanGoghsDog

I can tell you where all the men are. They’re in the pubs and at gigs. I’d say men outnumbered women 5-1 at least on all the venues that I went to this evening.

I did not find this to be true at the Duran Duran gig last week .....

Sadly they are also all on this train drunk and disorderly. Maybe I could have got a Duran Duran train, I'm sure it would be more civilised

I'm not sure a Duran Duran gig was ever aiming at a male demographic

@Dropdeadfred2

I'm not sure a Duran Duran gig was ever aiming at a male demographic

I know. It was a joke.

@BelladiMamma sounds like you were more enamoured to be having a great night out than with either of your irons. I find that sort of mansplaining monologue very boring indeed. I was meant to meet a guy although cancelled in the end, because he was one of those people who kept telling me on the phone about 'I read this book about habit change, and it has this concept of every day you do things 1% better, and so if you want to go running the first day you put your trainers by the front door, and the next day....' (FOLLOWED BY 10 MINUTE DETAILED EXPLANATION) - none of which would be a problem if it weren't for the fact I know exactly the book he was talking about, that I've read it too, and have an opinion on it, but it was impossible to get a single word in to be able to articulate that... so boring.

I'm a bit crap about going for second dates although probably should give people more of a chance @dancemom - have you been in touch since? Same with you @anniewilkes21?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes he messaged and called last night. And he did ask for a second date although I'm away for a few days and then he's away for a few days once I'm back so will likely be another 10 days or more before that can happen. He does call daily though and messages a bit too.

Still got Mr Offshore on the back burner too although he's still not onshore for another month which isn't ideal.

That's great @dancemom - I much prefer phone calls over excessive texting too...

@HairyArsedMan thanks for your post! and @Shayelle2009 I do feel in many ways i lead him on because i wasn't really listening to my 'gut' properly and was definitely playing down red-flags. And it took for me to say that sentence to make me realise that i was in fact much happier before i met him. It was this old feeling of thinking i'll only be happy in a relationship that was creeping back into my head. Then the final straw was him saying that previous sentence to me. I told him how awful that made me feel and asked him to leave. I'm not a violent person and don't really swear but it got me so livid. I text after saying i need space/time ...then a few days later sent a text saying we just aren't compatible and ultimately want very different types of relationships. After that he made multiple attempts to reach me and i didn't engage at all. So even though i did send a text i feel like a conversation is the decent thing to do. But so far he hasn't given me any idication of when he wants this to happen. So i've give him to the weekend as after that i'm no longer interested. It's over. I'm done and it's time to move on. Hope that sort of makes sense. Perhaps i sound like a doormat but trying to put myself in someone else's shoes and end this knowing i behaved in the best way i could.

Yeah i guessed that.. sorry

@Eesha I also read she was on way to an online date.. they then questioned a 40 yr old man but released him didn't they so maybe that was the date she was meant to go and meet. Poor thing 😔

@BelladiMamma glad the pubs are going to be full that’s what I’m hoping for, out for drinkies tonight, the sun is shining and I’ve got 7 different outfit options hanging up 😂 not been out for soooo long I’m excited!! 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

@Eesha i meant to tag you in the above post as well! I do feel like i have confused him. And annoyed at myself for not just speaking to him when he called. Could have ended this by now.

Ahh well @Naimee87 maybe it’s water under the bridge now and you won’t have anything to deal with.. perhaps he wont contact you if he doesn’t like the way you treated him and everyone can just move on!

@Shayelle2009 sounds like a good night you've got, i'm hoping for a quiet weekend! Afterwork drinks last night turned a bit wild and i can confirm Prosecco and Vodka/Orange is a terrible mix! Today is going to be loooong!

@Shayelle2009 even the date I was with at the gig said to me he hadn't seen that many men out and about since being at the football and it was freaking him out 😁

I am pleased I went to meet them both because it reminded me that there are nice blokes out there who aren't really my type but fine to interact with. For example, MrProperty is probably the sort of guy where if you had a shared hobby eg you were both into golf or tennis he'd be a good companion. He was in great shape but he wasn't my type and there was a hairy bloke with a dad bod just behind him and I couldn't help but think to myself that I would much rather be with dad bod guy.

Hopefully I'll get to see MrTattoo and things can progress from there. MrTattoo is not my type physically but I love his quirky personality and outdoors lifestyle. He's funny and has a real playfulness to him which makes the interactions very mellow.

Plus he doesn't drink which I'm finding is a massive bonus these days!

Hehe @Naimee87 I hope I’m going to be in a bad way tomorrow! I can’t remember the last time I got wrecked, it’s way overdue 😬

@BelladiMamma it’s a shame we weren’t there, we could have gone round chatting to them all 😍

Just catching up again after few days away - thread moves so fast!

I second that there are a lot of men out and about now. In the club Saturday night women were out numbered about 5 to 1 too id guess. I'm no stunner but there were lots of men trying it on (and I obviously ended up dancing and snogging with one 😆)

Have had quite a few matches recently on apps which is rare for me as I barely swipe right. Convos ongoing with 3 currently and one moved over to whatsapp.

Hey @Slothmomma did you swap numbers with club guy? Or was it just a fleeting fancy? ☺️

Ooooh I will definitely give the gossip from the night later!

@Shayelle2009 yeah we did (well after lost phone and him returning to find me we connected on fb) and he's been on touch since. I'm not sure we're compatible but I get butterflies at the thought of kissing him as he was so good however I'm not sure a relationship can be built on this alone 😆

@BelladiMamma i hear that too. My neighbour (different one to the one i dated but fits to him as well) is lovely, friendly, funny so easy to get along with. Not bad looking but there isn't any spark/chemistry and i don't understand why this is the case. They would both make really good boyfriends. But i'd rather go for someone like magnet-man whose completely unavailable but happy to drop me a cheeky text every few days. He lives with his mum (mid 40's) and has health issues but for some reason HE is who i'm drawn too. He's around next if i want to go see him. So tempted. I just can't work out if on some level i'm scared things will work out with someone or whether those 'settled/kind' men are just too boring for me and in the long run i'd dissapoint them by going after something more exciting.

@naimee87 my best friend always says I find the ones who don't show as much attention/are flakey/commitment phobes more appealing than those like mr hair because deep down i don't want anything too serious in case I risk getting hurt again. So even though I'm looking for a relationship maybe I am only seeking those out that will be short term things. It may well be the same for you

@Naimee87.. typical gemini 😉 haha x

@Naimee87 Hi! I guess I have been on these threads a while and seen loads of times where the men appear to change their minds and leave the woman hanging. Luckily you are trying to explain why however I can see it from his perspective that he thought things were going swimmingly and then nothing. Obviously he will be upset about it. No one wants to hear they have been dumped when it all seemed OK so I don't necessarily think he's a nutter. However you sound like you are handling it well and trying to be civil. I wouldn't meet him but would explain in a text but then I know lots who prefer it face to face to have closure.

@Slothmomma yes could be! But all these years i’ve always thought that what i wanted is marriage and kids and a family mini-van and a house, but recently i couldn’t care less about those things. Well i’m very lucky to have my DS i do know that. But life is just so much fun right now for us both and anyone whose ever come into our lives hasn’t ever made our lives easier or better in anyway. (apart from one man who was just lovely but didn’t work out due to distance) I was never open to the FWB situations before but the more i think about it the more i’d like some fun on the side without having that person be a part of my life and me not be a part of theirs. I got to a point where being a singlemum doesn’t scare me, i don’t feel any pressure to be in a couple or feel like the odd one out in my friends groups even the ‘mumsy’ school friends group who just keep popping out babies all the time. I think i will always be addicted to chasing after what i can’t have or what’s trickier to make work. I like a challenge i suppose!