Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

@Dropdeadfred2, oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that your guy hasn't been in touch. It's such an unnecessary way to go on. Is this a significant change in his pattern of behaviour with you ? I know he has returned home after working closer to you but to have not been in touch just leaves you in a weird limbo. I have experienced this myself and I hated it. Have you literally heard nothing at all since you parted on Saturday ?

@VanGoghsDog thank you, good advice. I shall go into each date with an open mind.

I am now down to 1 iron as just messaged Mr Tech to say I think we're looking for different things right now (ie I am ready for a relationship, he is 2 weeks out of a 12 year marriage!). We wished each other well and that's that.

Dropdeadfred2
I’m Sorry
It’s a really shitty feeling

Have you met with him a few times ? I’d attempt closure if so , casual message saying I’m not hearing back , assume this is over /off
Etc

Then you know , you can down some wine , have a cry and get back on the horse

The not knowing totally sucks and you get your life back from waiting for some mofo to text ?

@Dropdeadfred2 - hello, I know I am new to this thread but I had something similar with my ex who I met on Tinder. It was a lovely relationship until he suddenly changed (I had a separate thread for it!)....I couldn't deal with the waiting and not knowing so I took the decision to end it myself. It was sad but made me feel better that I had chosen what was right for me and not to endure a slow fade.

@Shayelle2009 this is so cool! I cannot even draw a stickman pleased to hear there's someone you've got your eye on as well. Is the class once a week, so you'll chat to him next time? I think the class in itself will be so good for you. The truck stuff definitely kept me occupied and away from my phone. And to join the hairy chest vs clean shaven i'm hairy dad-bod all the way. I love to work-out but really really do not find buff-men at all attractive. The thought of them taking longer to get ready than me is just ridiculous.
@Dropdeadfred2 i feel for you been there as well and it just feels like you'll be in this limbo state forever but it does get easier. He hasn't returned your call either? This really is the cowardly way out or a way to keep you hanging on in case he does want to start things up again i suppose. Had you made plans to see him again or were you going to discuss this

Thanks everyone. We have been seeing each other since beginning of June. But because of the distance we had only spent 3 weekends together befire he started working locally and we saw each other for two long weekends and at just twice a week recently. I knew it would be different when he returned home. I think for me this just shows that he thinks of me as a friend.. that he has sex with. I guess im glad that this has become clear .. bit i can't pretend it doesnt hurt 😔

It's tough and i've never understood why men do this. Build up hopes and say all the right things at the beginning only to change when we're already quite invested and think we're on the same page.
All this MrE stuff has made me realise that i'd like a FWB situation for the time being. Not a relationship. Someone i can see on a casual basis but isn't a part of mine and my son's life. No clue if i'll find this but i'm in quite a calm headspace at the moment which i'm enjoying. What's your plan? Closure message or play the waiting game?

@Naimee87 the thing is.. we never really discussed what the relationship was.. we did say it was exclusive but dudnt really label it. I think i could have handled a FWB of it had been proposed from the start.. now it would seem a downgrade. In reality i will miss him ... but i miss the phone calls and messages just as much as the meeting up ...i feel cut loose and i never thought he would do this to me. Then again once he went about 6 days without talking to me.. i think i will just wait until the weekend before messaging.
I hope you are okay after all the Mr E drama??

Hi, sorry to hear that @Dropdeadfred2 I wanted to offer some common humanity. I have been is similar situation but after 3.5 relationship. He disappeared with a great guilt, replied to my 3 msg then stopped at all, hasn't msged me since Feb and I haven't contact him either (our children were introduced too). I suffered badly at first but I finally understood its not reflection on me but on him and his immaturity. I am happy now , on apps being picky 😁, feeling enormous relief he showed his true colours (late but hey ho). It was long distance relationship and it was hard work because of that. It will get better x

Hi @Naimee87 I'm the same. Cant stand a honed man bod. I like a bit plump too, hehe. Cuddly!! Hairy and plump, like your favorite teddy! Yeah the class is once a week so hoping over the coming weeks to chat!

God thats awful @Hehx3 he ghosted after kids were introduced? Wtf? 😞

@Shayelle2009 arty guy sounds great - definitely make a beeline for him next week and get all the info 😁
@Dropdeadfred2 hopefully you’ll get a call soon but I found when Mr TG went silent it was helpful to take the control and message him a closure message ( after 4 weeks of NC!) I couldn’t sit around in the limbo forever. He finally responded to me last week after 6 weeks and apologised for his behaviour which was all to do with his own stresses and I felt like he regretted the way things ended.
I know it’s only been a few days so I think your plan to wait until the weekend is a good one, but I would make a decision then about how long you are willing to hang around for.

Things still going great with Mr L. He’s exactly what I needed after Mr TG (and Mr Blue Eyes and Mr German!!) and I can’t quite believe there isn’t a red flag somewhere - I keep looking while enjoying it for what it is. He is so kind to his family it hits me right in my heart! Invested much

@Shayelle2009

LOL I love a bit of extra padding on a guy too, I find it comforting!

MrSmooth is on paper a tremendous catch (even has his own shagmobile camper van)

but my vagina does not automatically open for tall dark ripped guys (even if they spend half their life saving lives in one job and a successful second career) so I left him to sell things on EBay .

This guy is perfect. Quill for Guardians of the Galaxy - "one sandwich away from being chubby"

@Shayelle2009

You'll have to paint him for us and post the image!

@Shayelle2009 yeah, 3.5 years of relationship and I couldn't say goodbye to his kids, he didn't say goodbye to my either. Still don't understand his reasons but a good part is I don't care anymore 😎

[quote Hehx3]@Shayelle2009 yeah, 3.5 years of relationship and I couldn't say goodbye to his kids, he didn't say goodbye to my either. Still don't understand his reasons but a good part is I don't care anymore 😎[/quote]
Omg that's just awful ...i can't imagine the pain that caused. You are a strong woman and I'm so pleased to hear you are happy now

Seems I'm in a minority here, liking a nice ripped body and a hairless chest. I like a nice toned body, a man that doesn't skip leg day, a man that works out his whole body not just his chest.

Computer Geek had an amazing body but he worked out a lot.

Don't mind a hairy chest but can't stand a hairy back!
@Hehx3 that's truly terrible, what an awful way for things to end.
@averywittyusername you definitely need to sort things with Mr Current before apps. It sounds like you've checked out of the relationship which is normal, but not fair not to communicate that to him.
Firmly on the smitten bench with Mr D so of course Mr O has popped up. Told him to bugger off. Sounds like I'm sat with you @MayEye 😍
@SortingItOut it hasn't been a good session if I haven't cried at least once! Glad you seem to have got off to a good start. Did you celebrate your anniversary with Mr K last night?

It is so rough can't believe how many people on here have gone through the same thing. When it was happening to me i felt like the only person it was happening too. You know i've come to realise that these things don't work out for a reason and the 'not knowing' is always frustrating but i think you have to get to a point where if someone doesn't add value to your life you move on whether you get closure from them or none. It's much easier said than done though i know. If you can go 21 days without any contact not hearing from them becomes the new norm (a habit) and you should start to feel better (emphasis on 'should') ....
So good to hear @Heartbeats0708 and @MayEye things are going well! Seems you've both been through the similar ghosting scenarios so to have found these nice specimens must be a real breath of fresh air.
So far MrE has said he will tell me later today when HE has time to talk. I replied and said i'll give you to the weekend but any later than that and i'm not interested anymore. But i suppose in a way i'm trying to ghost because i haven't answered any calls/texts since sending my final one on friday. I guess women (generalisation) seem to be more able to have the awkward 'ending things' talk. Men seem to think it better to walk away and disappear.

@Naimee87

Again please please take care with MrE - you hardly dated that long, you don't know him, his behaviour seems fairly erratic and desperate and disproportionate to the time you were together?

I mean Ok maybe sometimes we all send a drunk angry texts or sad WhatsApp after a break-up, but sending repeated ignored messages and physically turning up (ie stalking you) is crossing normal social boundaries.

Not sure what there is to "close" or "discuss" - you weren't married or living together, you've been kind and honest in closing things.

You don't owe him anything - it seems like he was fast-forwarding your dating in his head, but that's not your responsibility.

@SpringlikeBunk you are right! I don't even know why any part of me feels bad. We are clearly worlds apart from ever being compatible. I will tread carefully. And will make sure if we meet to meet somewhere public. My friend went through a similar situation with her bf where she needed space/time to think. Then after he'd been to hers for a talk she came away feeling like the bad one. It's amazing the manipulative game-playing that goes on in relationships. But if this is happening it's the biggest red-flag and time to end things. I think a few years ago i wouldn't have seen it at all, i was far too unhappy with myself and the thought of being 'with' someone was so appealing. Now the thought of being with anyone at the moment feels very 'smothery' I guess true to my gemini routes i definitely need freeeeedom! (said with a braveheart voice in honor of my dad whose a proud Scot)

But i suppose in a way i'm trying to ghost because i haven't answered any calls/texts since sending my final one on friday.

No, ghosting is when they just disappear. With no explanation.

What you have done is respectfully ended a short relationship that wasn't working for you (despite trying to keep things on track after a couple of earlier disagreements) and, completely reasonably, requested no further contact and you are trying to stick to that.

What he has done is totally confirm that you were right to end things, and behave in an alarming, bordering on criminal, manner.

But I do love it when their break up response confirms you made the right call :)

@VanGoghsDog yes this really does confirm it doesn‘t it. I feel a massive sense of relief as well. I think i‘m too lenient and forgiving. I just generally expect people to behave like i would but this isn‘t the case. How‘s things with you? I‘m travelling back from the office. Town seems manic! Don‘t miss it, i‘m hoping home-office continues for a wee-while!!!

I don’t want fat but I don’t want too ripped either as makes me feel inadequate ! A normal body

Anyway I’m loving inner circle ⭕️

Getting loads of younger men ! And I’ve even got a date zero next Tuesday !!!
I’ve been clear about wanting a nice fwb
Let’s see ! I’ll be re reading the thread rules a few times

I can’t lie the 24 year olds are really cheering me up (and I know it’s too young 😂)

I’m off to exercise now as this fella is 10 years younger than me

Has anyone tried the app Thursday yet? A few of my team at work have had success on it - it only launched a few months ago. I've just done a profile to see how it goes tomorrow. You can only view/chat on a Thursday, apparently it speeds things up and weeds out the timewasters.