Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

@SpringlikeBunk you describe it so well. I am finally getting to the independent/happy with myself/being a single mum stage. Took ages! He‘s clearly not happy with himself but came across as if he was. I remember a conversation i had with him where i said ‚i was really happy before i met you and i‘m happier you‘re in my life‘ but deep down i knew this was a lie! I was waaaaaay happier before i met him!!! I didn‘t think i‘d get to a point where i was happy single but i did i really actually did!

@Languidleopard ta for your message too! Feel so
lucky to be a part of this group!!

@Almosthappy

Message withdrawn

Welcome @Almosthappy

I think the more you do it the more comfortable you feel making small talk with randoms 😆

I guess it's like any relationship - some people you feel comfortable with straight away, others take a bit more persistence and it's just never going to happen with some.

It's a cliche but a true one - it takes two to tango. If you're both making an effort and are open to the possibility of a connection then it stops feeling awkward after a few convos. It kind of flows iyswim?

Hi all, really enjoying reading up on this thread! Just wondering which OLD sites you would recommend? I've been in a relationship with a man I meant on bumble about 3 years ago.. a first old experience for both of us.. but I'm realising that there isn't much chance of a future with him and am thinking I need to try again.

I was thinking about trying bumble again but wondered about any others, like hinge? Feeling like I need to extend my reach .. relatively out of practice! I can recommend bumble. But I don't want to restrict my options

Almost happy
I think it’s best to do apps when you are relaxed , feeling nice , dare I say sexy ! As then you are more in the mood to engage and flirt

There is far less choice on the one I’m on which actually makes it easier

I’m going to change how i do it this time
Less is more

@Almosthappy

Welcome

I'm a bit cynical about building up the flirting via messaging - I mean polite and no red flags is enough for me, and as soon as we've exchanged enough information then onto thinking about arranging a meet? Everyone is different.

The two guys I dated the longest and had the most connection to from my last session of app-ing I met within 2-3 days - I don't think I'd have gained anything from chatting more or texting in advance?

The meets were kept very low-commitment in terms of "just a drink" so we could see if we liked each other from there

@averywittyusername

I lost my long post! welcome!

Essentially I'd say to just "mix it up" - try different apps, don't overload yourself, and as you know it just takes 1-2 connections to make things interesting! Hinge has worked for some people though I found it quite slow, but it may depend on where you live/your dating demographic?

Just try everything and see what works for you.

@Almosthappy Welcome!

I hear you, I also came out of a marriage with controlling husband.

My sister told me to have low expectations (though not standards) on OLD and then anything that works out is a bonus. That sounds a bit negative, but I’ve found it helpful advice.
With many men on OLD I’ve found the chat is uninteresting and not much connection, so I drop it fast. Occasionally there’s a real spark involving a shared interest. Those I’ve taken to dates. I agree with @SpringlikeBunk that it’s best to limit time on chat and get to meet up ASAP as you really can’t tell how you might find someone until you meet them.

@Naimee87 that’s brilliant you are feeling happy as single. 🙌 I’m getting there slowly…

So Dr Sends Selfies in Scrubs never firmed up the date for tonight, and so now has to be ditched. Another flake. I was warned, but he reeled me in a few times with sweet messages (and went to the same school as me, which though unimportant seemed appealing in the random world of OLD). Ah well.

A new iron: Mr Poet. Really interesting and responsive chat so far. He’s 10 years older but looks attractive— here’s hoping his photos are remotely realistic 😂

Morning all

I still have 2 irons on the go, Mr Outside and Mr Offshore. Mr Outside has been making noises about a date, told him I'm only free Thursday this week so he will need to firm today if it's happening. To be fair he does have a ridiculous complicated job and doesn't live nearby either so it's not like he can just pop by. He calls me every evening and sends a few texts during the day so we will see what today brings.

Mr Offshore is ... offshore so no chance of meeting for over a month. Very annoying as he says all the right things and is very much my type. He texts a lot throughout the day which I like but I'm desperately trying not to over invest.

I've hidden my profiles online, not particularly because of these two specific irons more a combination of not wanting to add anyone else to the mix currently and also just wanting a break. I'll see what the rest of this week brings ...

@Naimee87 glad you're ok, hopefully he’s not going to be any more bother if he didn't turn up yesterday, just keep ignoring him with any luck he’ll get the message.

@HairyArsedMan if you like someone you make the effort, I mean surely she knew where you lived from early on so would have been able to guess how much travel was going to be? If it was too much/too far back then, she should have said?

@SpringlikeBunk expect MrSmooth thinks you’re going to be all happy and excited to hear from him 🤣🤣 I would take great pleasure in completely blanking those messages 🤣 knobs like that hate being ignored!

So.. little update from me. I decided I wanted to do something different with my life other than an endless existence of slave drone. So I signed up to a little art course some time ago and went along to my first one yesterday. It felt SO good to have the morning off and go and do something creative and fun! The class and teacher are amazing. AND… huge surprise, there was a guy in the class who’s piqued my interest!! I thought it was going to be all retirees because it’s in the day/mid week… he is about my age, nice dressed…good height, good hair, fresh faced and handsome, good job.. seems cool.. I'm hoping to get to chat to him more over the coming weeks, and see what occurs!! I’ll call him MrSound 😊 hope he’s not gay/married/plain old repulsed by me! x

@BelladiMamma are you ok xx ill help you delete pof from your mobile if you need?

@BelladiMamma I also love a hairy man! MrSound has nice hairy arms I was pleased to note as his shirt sleeves were rolled up yday! 😋

What is it on tinder and these freaks displayed SHAVED stubbly chests.. oh my life 🤢🤮 I am staying app free for the foreseeable.

I prefer a man with a smooth chest 😬 but i suppose I'm going to have to get over that if anything develops between Mr Cricket and me as he has a hairy chest. At least it means his arms are hairier than mine though 😂.

I hate my hairy arms (downside of having really dark hair and olive skin apparently).

I’d just rather have their chest as a pleasant surprise !
Why topless
Why
Why
Why 🙈

Ooooh excitement, I've had a match! It's on bumble so up to me to message..

I'm having cold feet as I'm still very much dating the man I met on bumble a few years ago the problem, so to speak, with MrCurrent is that he won't talk about the future, lately there's no forward planning (there used to be!) and I feel that either he's taking me for granted or just not that into me anymore.

So last night I found myself, Bridget Jones style, all by myself on the sofa and rejoined bumble just to have a look, and yes, it feels like a betrayal. But.. I'm in my late 50s and (hope it's ok to say it here) don't want to waste time when what I want is a soulmate who wants to live with me, not just a emoji messages and the occasional night at his in front of the telly.

Anyway, possibly not a soulmate but a match with someone who looks interesting. What do I do?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’d just rather have their chest as a pleasant surprise ! Why topless Why Why Why 🙈

That really made me laugh.. so, so true!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’d just rather have their chest as a pleasant surprise ! Why topless Why Why Why 🙈

Most likely because they have nothing else going for them.

@averywittyusername have your told your current guy that you want more and you are going back on the apps?

So after joining this thread last weekend, I took the courage and rejoined Tinder on Sunday evening. I have two irons already (Mr Engineer and Mr Tech)....Mr Engineer moved me over to WhatsApp very quickly which I felt fine with (in the past it has felt too soon but I realised that's because I just wasn't liking the pace in general with that person) and comms have been consistent and nice. He has booked in a date zero this Friday night already.

Mr Tech I do like and he has a very similar communication style to me, but I'm starting to feel a bit wary as he is very recently out of a relationship. I've asked him directly about his 'ready-ness' which he has responded well to. But, I think I'm just going to slow the pace of our messaging so I can figure out what I really think. He's quite excitable and a bit OTT I think, which probably means I should not continue. But we'll see.

My question to you all, which may sound shallow, is that both these irons are the same height as me. I've tried really hard to get past this in the past and yet I can't seem to really want to date anyone who is shorter than about 5' 11 (I'm 5'7). I know I am potentially shutting out some amazing guys, hence my decision to meet Mr Engineer regardless. It annoys me that it's a bit of blind spot for me. Any suggestions how to get beyond this?

@KintsugiForever - I think the only way to get over it is to meet loads of men of every variety until you meet a great guy and his height will not be an issue.

@averywittyusername

Basically you're cheating on your partner. So either stop and stay with him as things are, or talk to him and try to fix things, or end things with him before you talk to other people.

@VanGoghsDog you are correct and I'm terribly ashamed. Have deactivated my profile. Going to talk to current (partner? boyfriend? FWB?) .. I should have known, it just felt wrong.

So .. still radio silence from my guy. I'm keeping busy and trying not to feel sad about it. Obviously ifhis feelings have changed it would be nice to have been told but there's nothing i can do about that. Hello to all the new people good luck to those with dates and new matches

@averywittyusername I know its hard to have a conversation with someone but you do need to have this before you start looking elsewhere.

If he doesn't answer that is an answer in itself.

The fact you've kept in this relationship for 3 years even though the future has not been certain indicates other issues.

Have a read of Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.