Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

Hi all, can I please join?
Single since november, lone parent to an 8 year old whose dad doesn't see him, so tricky, but not impossible I hope...
I joined hinge last week and have 3 coffee dates this week.
One today - lovely guy, super bright but didn't get a connection. Would you bother with a second date?
One tomorrow and a drink friday lunchtime. I have my own business so can meet when my son at school, but I can't/won't get a babysitter for someone i don't know I fancy.
I've read the last few pages of posts, looking forward to getting involved a bit more!
Middlemiss, I read your post about bumble. I haven't used bumble but I have decided to go for the coffee date quickly, as I defo do not want a penpal. Like you at this stage, I'd like to meet someone for nice dinners and nice sex in that order... is that a FWB?

@PollyIndia

Hi all, can I please join? Single since november, lone parent to an 8 year old whose dad doesn't see him, so tricky, but not impossible I hope... I joined hinge last week and have 3 coffee dates this week. One today - lovely guy, super bright but didn't get a connection. Would you bother with a second date? One tomorrow and a drink friday lunchtime. I have my own business so can meet when my son at school, but I can't/won't get a babysitter for someone i don't know I fancy. I've read the last few pages of posts, looking forward to getting involved a bit more! Middlemiss, I read your post about bumble. I haven't used bumble but I have decided to go for the coffee date quickly, as I defo do not want a penpal. Like you at this stage, I'd like to meet someone for nice dinners and nice sex in that order... is that a FWB?

I'd def go for a second date unless they are repulsive, Tories, racists or have any real red flags. Or maybe really boring mono conversationalists (like, just talk about routers or something).

But this is because I am 53 and don't believe in "spark". People have to grow on me. So I need to give myself space for that and I also need to reflect and see how much I think about them after the date.

As for nice dinners and nice sex - it is what it is, there's really no need to label the type of relationship you want, call it anything, as long as it suits both of you, who cares?

One of my friends said that MrWG can't be FB because he brings me flowers. Well, he can be whatever I want him to be, he can bring me anything he wants, and I'll call it what I like. It was only her who decided it was to be referred to as FB anyway, not me. I just said it was fairly casual.
(Can't be FB without the F anyway!)

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

"Hi how have u been"

"long time no speak!"

"we must catch up some time, was just thinking about you"

[/quote]
I made the mistake of contacting Decorator, (because the roofer is coming today and decorating can be done after that) and am now stuck in another vortex of incomprehensible "banter", including at about seven thirty this morning - "morning!".

Oh god, kill me now. I think I prefer MrWG and his whole week of silence!

lol @VanGoghsDog

I got "feel free to send me a photo so I can see your pretty face"

(hang on mate, YOU contacted me first, so I'm meant to then "try to seduce you" even though I haven't even got your number stored)

Wow, wot a way to spend an afternoon, wooing some guy I met for a quick latte last summer (it was half price with the Eat Out To Help Out deal) with photos of my ugly mug.

Burner phone does not do anything apart from call/text and I won't carry it so if I get some new Prince Charming's that's all they're getting.

Vangoghsdog, thank you, I am sure you are right re the spark! And agreed re labels being unhelpful!!
He was very nice and none of those things so I guess worth a second date. He asked me for dinner Friday so maybe I’ll see if I can find a sitter.
So do you have decorator and mr wg on the go currently? Just trying to get my head around the thread! A man who brings you flowers is great!

Hey everyone

So after spending all of yesterday online stalking my (still can’t believe what he did) obsession (I could be a private detective ) I joined inner circle today

Well it’s a slightly classier app than tinder !!!
But I think healthier than obsessing over Foreign obsession

I shall report back !
I’m targeting a younger FWB , let’s see

Hope springs eternal !

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Please update us on how the app works - I'm looking for tinder replacements, and the face to face parties do look good?

@SpringlikeBunk as if he's come back from the dead and gone straight in for photo's. This a massive turn off and defnitely makes me unmatch right away. Hate photo's of me anyway and prefer to meet asap. Do you think this is an age thing though? I'm pretty sure youngsters are constantly taking photo's and posting them everywhere. And for 'social-media people' aren't there a million photo's to be seen anyway? I'm really liking the burner phone idea, i think this can help to keep your head-space in check and not be wondering/waiting for messages. Back to oldschool days where texts cost a bundle and you had to top up or you ring someone.
To the newbie's in my opinion a second date is always a good way to really determine whether there is/isn't a spark/chemistry. But as a single mum as well i can echo the not wanting to get a babysitter for someone you aren't keen on. Waste of money and time could be better spent. So to sum up i've given you very confusing advice haven't i!

Off to chat to MrE tonight! Was so odd, was driving to meet a friend over lunch with the dog in the car, she escaped her clip on harness so was bouncing around on the back seat. Had to pull over and strap her back in again then who pulls up beside me MrE. I was just at the end of my road. So i guess he was coming to see me wanting to talk for a few minutes. I'd had a few messages but he was muted so hadn't seen them. I was a bit shocked but said OK to meeting after work. Was clear with my decision to end things being final and said this is a closure chat not a 'lets see how things can go' kind of chat. I'm off in half an hour to meet him. My friends on-hand if i need her she lives close by to where i'll meet him. When this is over i shall be more than relieved. And likely find out how magnet-man is doing! Go Me and my rational/sensible decisons

Had to pull over and strap her back in again then who pulls up beside me MrE. I was just at the end of my road. So i guess he was coming to see me wanting to talk for a few minutes

Please don't be naive, he was stalking you/hanging around to see you.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.

@Naimee87 does he often turn up unannounced? That would make me feel uncomfortable.

Oh naimee

Why does he have to see you ?
Motherfucker has been dumped
Accept it like an adult

Please be careful xx

Hey Naimee!
Well, confusing is fine as there is no clear cut answer.
I think, on balance, I'm going to say no to a second date. Right now I am looking for someone I fancy enough to want to have sex with, rather than a full on relationship, and I have met people i fancied recently, so I think better to save my babysitters for someone I have more chemistry with.
I think I also would feel awkward about someone turning up unannounced, if that's what happened. My ex would have done that. Actually he did, although at the end of a 5 year relationship, so a bit different, but still felt intense.
Good luck with the chat

@Naimee87 you don’t owe him a meeting. Please think about cancelling as he is escalating his forcing contact you when you have been Clear that it’s over and you don’t want contact.
Please be careful

@Naimee87 do not go

Send your tallest burliest best male friend who can give him one message - back off.

Time to start logging these interactions and call the police

@BelladiMamma

@Naimee87 can you just check in and let us know you're okay?

I‘m fine! He text afterwards to say he couldn‘t make it. So it never happened. My dad is here the next couple of days and staying with me so i‘m OK. I have been clear he was one chance to speak with me and that is when my dad is here and it will be somewhere close by. Thanks for all being so concerned. Should i feel in any ‚danger‘ i will of course contact the local police in my village. I think he wanted to see me on my lunch break which is why he came. His texts were muted and i hadn‘t seen them.

Springlike
Well , it’s a classier tinder
And they vet you to check you are legit
And you have to answer more questions
But , it’s still tinder !
But as I’ve decided I want a younger sex pal
Let’s see

But the men are a bit less rough shall we say !!

Glad to hear it @Naimee87

Lol @Thisisworsethananticpated

I had a look at the parties and sadly none close to me.

But will be interesting to see how sites like this develop.

I do think there's starting to be a bit of a "weariness" with apps culture (not to say there aren't some great interactions from there and some good guys and girls)

So seeing what the market throws up next.

Glad you're back @Naimee87

Sorry for the perceived pile-on - obviously you're a confident grown competent woman who is trying to be kind and do the right thing

But for those of us who are a bit older and have crazy stalking abusive ex's I think we're all reading about MrE and thinking THIS IS HOW IT STARTS.

They sort of prey on your sympathy and you think they're harmless/vulnerable/and almost don't take them seriously as you think "I'm a professional confident intelligent woman, they're just a sad lonely bloke - what harm can they do?". It's like they use your strength against you?

Then they just start to push and push boundaries and manipulate things until your life is seriously damaged.

I know I can be a bit flippant here sometimes but seriously please please take care of yourself here

thanks @dancemom and everyone for checking in! I feel like such an idiot with the way i‘ve behaved. It‘s just so hard because i am such a trusting person. I thought i had actually met someone decent but looking back i can see the amber flags for what they were and they were clearly red. I have a lot of work to do on my ability to judge someones character way better. Hope things are all good with you!

@Naimee87 😊

Glad to hear you ended up not meeting him.

I hope he gives you some space now. When it's over it should be over and he should respect your decision.

Have to agree with others that just turning up at your house after you've not replied to his messages is a bad sign. He's trampling over your boundaries in a big way. He needs to take the hint and back off.