Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

We will sing a long with you @SpringlikeBunk

All together now 🎶

ALL BY MYSELF, DONT WANT TO BE, ALL BY MYSELF ... ANYMOOOOOORRRRREEEEE!

@dancemom

I don't even have a f**g iron I'm obsessing over right now!

this

"and I don't know why you get me but you do...

are you here to steal my heart

are you here to pass the time...."

thwarted love we never got to express

Well, I will join the solo love ballads…

A lovely (in some ways) but frustrating evening with Mr Lovely Friend: drink and seeing some dance. He me how beautiful I am & was quite tactile. There was the question of whether I might stay over at his as no trains back due to engineering works (though I had the untempting option of night coach). At the end of the eve I said do you want to get some food, as we hadn’t eaten. He said he was aware he had some work he has to do tomorrow, & do I think I’ll get the bus? Now I’m getting the bus! Also announced he had decided to move for a while to NYC in Jan. He’s having therapy for commitment issues. Never had a long term relationship. Clearly hasn’t changed. Feel really sad though as there’s a lot that’s very special between us, and clearly there is some mutual attraction. Sigh. I’ve known him for 17 yrs!

@Earlgrey19 Arghhh I totally feel for you having to get the bus. I would have been upset myself that he cited work etc and he could have handled that better by offering to take you home/let you stay. But there are red flags galore with the therapy for commitment etc so perhaps this was what you needed to see. Fingers crossed the Doctor is better date material.

@dancemom yay for the new irons, hope it's given you a bit of an ego boost

@Dropdeadfred2 great that you had a fun night and hopefully time will pass quickly so you can see him sooner. How long have you been together?

@Walkingalot I absolutely love a real life dating story meet so I'm hoping there's news here

@Dropdeadfred2 It sounds like you and your iron are getting on great but I'm concerned there are thoughts of you meeting his daughter so early on just so you can see him sooner.
It should be about his daughter and her life and whats best for her and not best for the adults.

I know its not great when its long distance but there must be other ways round it than getting a child involved in a fledgling relstionship.

Remember you don't need to be full on or throw yourself head first in so early on, if its meant to be it will work out.

@NewJoolz Of course I don't mind you screenshotting my post, anything I can do to help people have a healthy outlook on relationships.

I know I talk about men should enhance your life and not be your life loads and some people might find it repetitive but we have people dropping in and out all the time so I never know who might see it each time I post.

Good luck

When is your speed dating @SpringlikeBunk?

I MIGHT have another brief pop at tinder later this week.

@Earlgrey19 that’s harsh you had to get the nightbus 😣 at least you’ve known him all that time though which I guess makes it easier to understand him.

[quote SortingItOut]@Dropdeadfred2 It sounds like you and your iron are getting on great but I'm concerned there are thoughts of you meeting his daughter so early on just so you can see him sooner.
It should be about his daughter and her life and whats best for her and not best for the adults.

I know its not great when its long distance but there must be other ways round it than getting a child involved in a fledgling relstionship.

Remember you don't need to be full on or throw yourself head first in so early on, if its meant to be it will work out.[/quote]
As ever you speak wisely..i do think that it may have sounded like seeing his daughter was just a means to seeing him sooner... that's not the case at all. I would be introduced as a friend ( she is already aware of my existence as he had face timed her from my house) and i would sleep in spare room etc
He is a father and that's a huge part of his life... if like to see him in that role as part of being to know the real person. I would also like to meet his daughter just because i love children ( have 3 daughters myself but all alot older now). She sounds like a funny, intelligent little girl...i would never want to cause her any upset or confusion.

Morning lovely threaders.

My BFF & I did some lovely light gardening yesterday, pots and tidy up things, & then hot tree surgeon friend joined us for dinner and finally it looks like for love 💕 or lust or lack of anything better to do they might be moving towards an understanding. It's only taken them 35 years 😁

DS leaves for uni today. I have so many new chapters.

My innards don't feel half as bad as all the warnings from the medical team and I'm thinking I might go see my horse tomorrow. After not seeing him for almost a month!! I've received a very decent offer on him and they now need to do a vetting next Friday. I will miss him but DD needs me and it will help me to focus on her.

I am going to try to keep work to set days instead of allowing it to seep through the week & hopefully finish my creative project. And get started on my building project. My to do list has some fairly hefty items on it. And it will be just me and DD and hopefully DS will come home frequently and won't get freshers flu or anything else that will cause my anxiety to sky rocket as the one hangover from my accident is regular headaches which mean I'm not confident driving long distances to swoop down and save him ...

Eating the elephant one bite at a time here.

A few date zeros and second meets coming up over the next few weeks. Let's see how things pan out.

NC with BeardFlake day 10

@Dropdeadfred2 I'm glad you took my message with the spirit it was intended.
I know being a dad is a huge part of his life but it doesn't mean the two parts need to meet just yet, I hope @Naimee87 won't mind me saying but her experience recently should be a lesson to all, what looks like a perfect match early on which led to meeting children can go awry so quickly and affects everyone.

I know you like children but he needs to think about what your role is when you visit, are you launching in to being a step-mum or would you not do anything that would constitute parenting and just be her friend.
I think its too easy for women to slip into parenting mode even when you barely know the child.

@BelladiMamma Your new chapters sound great and will keep you busy.

I hope today goes ok for you and your son🤗

[quote SortingItOut]@Dropdeadfred2 I'm glad you took my message with the spirit it was intended.
I know being a dad is a huge part of his life but it doesn't mean the two parts need to meet just yet, I hope @Naimee87 won't mind me saying but her experience recently should be a lesson to all, what looks like a perfect match early on which led to meeting children can go awry so quickly and affects everyone.

I know you like children but he needs to think about what your role is when you visit, are you launching in to being a step-mum or would you not do anything that would constitute parenting and just be her friend.
I think its too easy for women to slip into parenting mode even when you barely know the child.[/quote]
No parenting at all... she has a mum who certainly wouldn't appreciate a step mum type of role being introduced... especially not so early... i would just be a friend of her daddy....very hands off.

Thanks @Eesha, ego slightly dented this morning as overnight Mr Medical has gone from keen texts to blocking me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'll never understand men 🤯

However Mr Outdoors sent me his number so I'll message him shortly

@dancemom

Thanks *@Eesha*, ego slightly dented this morning as overnight Mr Medical has gone from keen texts to blocking me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'll never understand men 🤯

However Mr Outdoors sent me his number so I'll message him shortly

I think if guys do that it's often a fake account or they're in a relationship...

@BelladiMamma who knows, he was my least favourite of the three anyway 😆

[quote dancemom]@BelladiMamma who knows, he was my least favourite of the three anyway 😆[/quote]
Pah - who cares then 🤪

Oh yes! Protecting children is so important and my recent antics have really caused trouble. I’m completely to blame as well and 12 is such a confusing age with emotions flying high. I’ve learned a lot from the experience mainly that i’m just not ready or interested in taking on anyone else’s life right now. We’ll stay our tiny little unit for the time being.
@BelladiMamma hope your son gets off to Uni ok can’t imagine how you must be feeling, definitely the start of a new chapter. As for the NC with BeardFlake, i’m so impressed. I went 6weeks with magnet-man only for him to reappear. I never blocked him though as that would have made me more anxious as i’s be thinking ‘maybe he has text…’
@FireandBrimstone how you doing today? feeling any lighter?
@SpringlikeBunk when’s the speed-dating event? I’m sure being in a new place would be tempting to get back on the apps see what’s out there? I’m completely scared of them now after this MrE experience! @Dancemom, so someone matched with you, chatted then blocked you? I actually saw an old iron who ghosted me in town on thursday. We had great text/chat but there was never a spark but it went from making plans one day to ‘poof’ the next? I wasn’t too shook up about it, he was big into ‘partying’ at 35…which i can only imagine would get so tiring!

@Naimee87 matched me, was full of charm, chatted all evening, asked for my number, chatted more on WhatsApp, asked me on a date, chatted more and we said goodnight and last thing he said was he looked forward to messaging me more tomorrow. Went on WhatsApp this morning, he's gone 😆😆😆

But this is why we don't over invest 🙌🏼

dancemom
Why ! Ah we will never know but fucks sake why are they such shit communicators

Belladi well done 👏

I’ve deleted my overseas sexting obsession
Deleted the chat and his contact
I need to forget about him , and get him out of my head

I feel like I’ve let him off lightly but what’s the point of sending him a shitty message
None

I’m hungover after a fab party yesterday and a bit 💔

@dancemom so strange. There’s a lot of talk as well on here about the ‘good morning’ & ‘good night’ messages. I personally like these but my friend hates them as she says they show no effort. Or the simple emoji faces. I interpret these differently, i see them as like a ‘checking in’ ‘thinking of you’ kind of message. I learned from the experience with MrE if ever i get texting with someone it will not be every minute of every day. I think it gets draining for one or other person and you come to rely on their messages so if they stop you go into a panic mode. But for your match to move to whatsapp then to block/disappear makes no sense. I’ve only done this when i get asked for more photo’s after numerous times of telling them i’m not sending any and we just meet.

@dancemom I agree that does seem most odd. At least you have more interesting options on the go but that kind of flakiness is just so aggravating and would give me the rage (I have the rage about just about everything at the moment though 😬).

@Thisisworsethananticpated oh that's a big step with your overseas sexter. I really hope my questions yesterday didn't cause you to be unhappy - I didn't get a chance to reply but you did seem as if you were in control, as you described it. I do think ultimately it's about what feels right for you and is it going in a direction you want it to. It's a hard decision to put an end to any of these things but I hope you're doing ok.

@Naimee87 thank you for looking out for me. I'm still a bit low. I don't want to thread-jack but to bottle up the issues:

• last week STBXH friend screengrabbed my profile on an OLD app and sent it to him (yeah, some friend) . Caused a confrontation, there's been a sense I'm being checked up on (including the fact that XH knows how to get into my home wifi router details and I was concerned my activity was being monitored). As a result I think the only app I'm safe on is Tinder, where STBXH's (and now friend's) numbers are blocked. BUT...
• like at least one other poster on here, it looks like I've completed Tinder and only have the occasional new beast mode left 👹 . So - no other Iron options at all which makes me focus way too much on...
• Mr Printer, who is still being lovely and in contact but the logistics of shifts/childcare mean it will be really hard work to move this any further forward and I am not sure I want it that much to deal maybe a once a month, painfully slow, getting to know each other and 'what did you do today' texts in the meantime.
• and Mr Colleague - no word from him at all since coffee a fortnight ago. A friend reminded me that of course he could be having lots of dates. And of course he could have decided to focus on one in particular. I hate not having closure though. I'm tempted to leave him a message back on Tinder where intentions are less likely to be construed as just friendly, saying I'd like to meet again or he can unmatch me without need for explanation and we'll remain acquainted in business terms. I know it's a bit 'cute' to do it on Tinder but it saves me a bit of face and, I think, makes the intention a lot clearer.

The gym has helped a bit and I'm about to head back there again today. I have my women's walking group too so I know how to top up the exercise endorphins. Need more opportunities for IRL men-meeting-but the meet up event opportunities for women over 50 in my area are slim to woeful.

Anyway sorry for the dump - I know you all understand. 💛

I’m so sorry that you ex is doing this to you fireandbrimstone
That sucks , total understatement
How soon will the divorce be ?

And yes exercise helps , it’s a shame it’s raining but I think I need a swim and sauna

I feel fucking stupid
Trying to hold onto a Man by sending him porn which he then IGNORES
Jesus it’s like I’m making all the shit mistakes I made in my 20s again
Except I’m 48 and should know better

@Naimee87
@Shayelle2009
Speed dating still to occur

Looking forward to it!

Aware on the apps I could meet new guys very quickly/easily but I’d rather pace myself and not have the “messages blowing up phone” but chances high of meeting flakes or idiots situation.

May be lots of guys I’m not clicking with but also it’s a night out and I think the fact that they’ve committed to come out to an organised event/location for an evening means they’ll hopefully they’ll not be too crazy!

I did have a preliminary peek at some dating apps for this area and guys looked fine but I’m still app-allergic

It just shows how the apps condition our mind to “instant results” as well - I found over the last year I’ve been thinking “I’ll have a browse” without really taking it seriously and I imagine a lot of guys have the same mindset too?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Sorry you feeling bad but really don’t beat yourself up about it - it’s a journey and it’s all so new so it’s good to try different things to “find your comfort zone”.

It’s quite easy to feel like you’re the only one who has done something they slightly regret in the field of love/lust but it isn’t relevant in the grand scheme of things!