Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

@SortingItOut have not had

@Naimee87, I’m not sure how detailed the message was that you sent but clearly he’s struggling to accept your decision. Of course he shouldn’t be trying to make contact from various numbers and it’s not acceptable to bombard you in this way. Maybe a longer message to him outlining why you have reached your decision is needed and making the point firmly but politely that you won’t be changing your mind. If he persists after that then you are completely within your rights to send the additional warning as outlined by bella. It sounds like he wasn’t expecting the end to come as it did and a mixture of ego and frustration is driving his actions.

@SortingItOut - Congrats on 2 yrs! Aww, sounds like you're really going to miss your lovely DD.
@Naimee87 - I haven't been on the thread much and only went back a few pages but crikey - MrE! Hopefully he'll give up soon.
@BelladiMamma - Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Well, something interesting happened to me - sort of met someone IRL via a mutual sport/hobby . The thing is though, I don't want a relationship or to date!! (am off the apps). I thought we were going to be hobby friends but he's invited me out tonight (he actually text me the invite while chatting on FT, lol). We're meeting tomorrow (with DS and DDog) to do our hobby/sport thing. We get on well and have a laugh but he's older and shorter than what I would go for, if I was going for anything, if that makes sense.

@Naimee87 I agree with Bella’s take on the whole thing, but in particular the multiple numbers is a very alarming feature. If he makes one more contact with you, send the ‘cease and desist’ message Bella recommended. Stay strong, his behaviour now is proving you made the right call.

@SortingItOut I loved your MrK update, it does sound like you have a really good arrangement, and your wise words about feeling good in oneself being the best foundation for a relationship. This really resonated for me.

@Walkingalot oooh this sounds really interesting, so you’re out with him tonight and doing the hobby thing tomorrow? Looking forward to updates.

@BelladiMamma hope you have time and space to recover after yesterday. You are being amazing every minute you don’t message You Know Who!

Something for a different update and a different day, but watching all those updates about DCs flying the nest with particular interest. About to have a minor educational milestone moment with my DS and have all sorts of emotions about it.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Gardening sounds very therapeutic. I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you feel 100% in control of what you’re sending, and regardless of him and what he’s asking for, is it giving you happiness/pleasure? Have you met this man IRL? (Sorry, I should remember this but can’t)

Feeling a bit low about stuff/prospects here. Again, an update for a different day but a bit despondent. Plus it’s been a bad week for going to the gym so, heedful of Sorting’s advice I’m off there this afternoon and will focus this weekend on being in a better headspace.

I could do with you wise ThreadHive’s advice on my can’t-really-even-describe-them-as ‘Irons’ but I have to go do Saturday type errands now so will update (such as it is ) at a different point.

Happy Saturday everyone.

@Naimee87please be wary as I dont feel like this is case closed for you. I agree with telling your neighbour and dad. Please be careful. I also first read @Thisisworsethananticpated was off for a dump 🤣🤣 haha….

@Walkingalot how nice!! Is he attractive? Do you like him? Have fun 💗

FireandBrimstone
Thanks for asking that
Any photos I sent are either face
Or anonymous body (no face !)
He is in another country but I know who he is , where he lives etc x

I don’t really want a relationship right now
So the sexting games excite me , arouse me 🙈 a lot

However I need to be treated as a human being so if he wants to get himself a Madonna/ whore complex that’s not working for me x

He sounds bad naimee...I had one like this last year and I had to threaten the police before he finally left me alone. I would do that if he persists.....

A sexy new iron for me...Mr Greek.

It's Bang 🙂

And yes I’m going TO the dump 😂

@bang oooh I love a greek. Fell completely in lurve with a beautiful greek we used to work together. I miss him!

Like the sound of Mr Greek @TwatInTinFoil / bang !
@Naimee87 I think I might agree that maybe he genuinely didn't see it coming, I'd offer a final explanation then clarify that you don't want to hear from him again.

Shayelle2009 and FireandBrimstone - I sent him a msg declining the 'date'. Hopefully he'll still want to do the activity tomorrow.
Thisisworsethananticpated - Fond memories of the dump, lol, did lots of trips post lockdown.
TwatInTinFoil - Fingers crossed for a date zero with MrGreek.

Hi everyone, please can I join? Not quite ready to go into OLD again but taking some new photos over the weekend with a view to dusting off the profiles! Had a (mostly) great relationship with a guy I met in tinder at the start of the year, which I have broken off at the sign of a few red flags, unfortunately.

I've been following these threads for 18 months now and find them to be so helpful and compassionate (and brutally honest when necessary!)...so hoping I can join you all through the madness. X

welcome @KintsugiForever

@SpringlikeBunk Thank you. 😊

I feel out of practice with it all, hopefully it'll come back like riding a bike!

@KintsugiForever

Yeh it is hard to navigate for everyone, I've found the key for me is to just be mindful of and respect my own comfort zones and journey and preferences and boundaries really!

I've found I can change my mind quite easily which is fine as well - like I had an "idea" I was going to spend the summer dating lots post-lockdown

but found it was burning me out so took a break to recalibrate.

And good for you for "spotting red flags and acting on them".

Absolutely agree...boundaries and your gut are so important. I have to say I did have high hopes for the latest guy...but turns out there were a few things I just couldn't accept and I knew they would cause problems in the future. I have 2 kids too so just can't mess them around, or myself. I started having feelings of doubt 2 months before I ended it...thought it was general dating wobbles, turns out my instincts were saying he wasn't right.

Photos taken. Just have to pluck up the courage to download the apps and dive in!

I'm just back from my night in a hotel with my guy. Arrrggggghhh I'm going to miss him. We did agree that i could meet his daughter soon if i want to, which will make seeing him sooner easier ... i really like him. Sex is amazing.... its been a great night.
@Naimee87 sorry that mr E is being weird.
@BelladiMamma sorry beard flake hasn't text you... good on you for not texting him though.

Don’t want to ignore other posts so will have a read through in a bit. Today has been lovely my run cleared my head and the pug walk as well she loves to prance down the street! Now just back from a few hours at the park with DS and his BFFL(bestfriendforlife) 😂 It’s 25 and sunny!
I had a few missed calls, when i got back as i’d left my phone at home. @SortingItOut i love the sound of what you and MrK have because you really let it develop into what works for both of you and have been so mindful of your kids as well. And yes being content/happy can only come from us and not from someone else. Took me years to realise this! @Heartbeats0708 i am really not wanting to get in touch but do think it may need to be done in case he it isn’t clear on my reasons. I think he just isn’t at all aware of how he comes across to others/made me feel. But getting into all that just sounds so draining, maybe i’m being lazy/selfish? Let’s see, tomorrow i’ve nothing planned so i could set aside some time and prepare myself for and difficult but final conversation. @Shayelle2009 so glad i wasn’t the only one to read that post really wrong, but it made me really really laugh. @FireandBrimstone we all have these kinds of days! This is where i actually do something productive like sort my wardrobe out/try on clothes i forgot i bought/ clean my flat or go out and indulge in a massive piece of cake and super cringey tv (the circle, too hot to handle, TOWIE) just watch any of them
shows and you’ll know you’re in a good place! And not a brain-dead tv-wannabee looking for ‘lurve’ It’s up to us not to get too wrapped up in the future. I’m sure this feeling will pass as well. Sending you loads of 🌸🌼🌺🌸🌼🌻

@SortingItOut. Just wanted to comment and say thank you for your earlier post. It really resonated with me and I hope you don’t mind but I’ve screenshot it to re-read to remind me about being happy in myself and having a man to enhance my life rather than be my life. It’s something I really really need to work on and need all the reminders I can get! 😁😁

I have picked up 3 new irons in 24 hours 😱

Mr Offshore is my top pick, unfortunately he's offshore for the next 5 weeks and I really don't want to over invest for 5 weeks

Mr Outdoor seems interesting, hoping he asks me on a date soon

Mr Medical is very polite and complimentary, we have moved to WhatsApp and he's asked for a date although not arranged anything as yet

And I'm back in the game 🙌🏼

😆😆😆

Sounds a delightful range of new irons - enjoy! @dancemom

(wondering if this means the post-lockdown lunatics have cleared out now and guys are a bit less mental on the apps?)

Irons are definitely like buses 😆😆😆

@FireandBrimstone @Dropdeadfred2 yay to no texting. Have taken loads of lovely photos of sunsets, my house, view of the sea etc. Sent them to friends and MrTattoo instead

LOL @BelladiMamma

Join me and @Shayelle2009 and @Dancerinthemoonlight on the "sitting on our hands for now" bench!

Part of me wants to join the Tinder fracas and have a chat going in new city but going to just "settle in before then...

It can be quite addictive having WhatApp flirty messages popping up so feeling very "Johnny No-Mates" but know I can hold out till speed dating, or until I'm really ready to go back to the apps (if at all).

I'm playing love ballads alone on a Saturday night with no-one to direct them AT