Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

apple.news/AXs0AV0tYQNe8ba1VYV0YHA

Here is another OLD story 😳

@BelladiMamma

https://apple.news/AXs0AV0tYQNe8ba1VYV0YHA

Here is another OLD story 😳

I suppose it could be the real thing, but that's just creepy to me 🤮. Call me a cynic...

Well done Naimee for seeing Mr E for what he really is and respecting yourself too much to buy his bullshit.

I'm pretty firmly off the apps, with the odd 'unpause' to see if I'm missing anything. I even swipe right occasionally. Matched with someone on Bumble. Messaged him, as you're meant to, just saying hi and that his profile had made me laugh. It was a funny profile. He immediately unmatched me. So no, I'm not missing anything.

Like Dancer I've got two weeks off work now. Travelling back to the home country next week. On an actual plane. Spending a week with family and very old friends. I'm a bit worried that I'll come away feeling sad about leaving all that behind, when I'm now a single mum with coupled up friends. It's been over 30 years now though, so I've been in England much longer than anywhere else.

I've joined a local MeetUp. I'd love to go on walks but they tend to happen when I'm working. Went to a fun quiz night though, and hope to do more stuff with them. Wish I didn't feel lonely sometimes. I think I need a dog. But full time work makes that impossible.

If I'm feeling brave, I'll give the apps another go even I'm back. Until then, the kids make me happy.

Ah it's so vomantic @BelladiMamma

No quotes at all from Kevin 🤔

@HairyArsedMan @WeWantTheFinestWines 🤔 I suspect, having worked in PR for my sins, that often these oh so romantic stories are publicised by the apps themselves as 'case studies'. Tbh I hadn't really thought about Badoo before and I mentally put it on my 'might try' list even thought the story did not appeal!! The power of PR, eh?!

[quote BelladiMamma]**@HairyArsedMan* @WeWantTheFinestWines* 🤔 I suspect, having worked in PR for my sins, that often these oh so romantic stories are publicised by the apps themselves as 'case studies'. Tbh I hadn't really thought about Badoo before and I mentally put it on my 'might try' list even thought the story did not appeal!! The power of PR, eh?![/quote]
Badoo is horrible. People can message you who you haven't liked or seemingly not even seen before. And they're all creeps.

@WeWantTheFinestWines ewwww yuk. Thanks for the tip.

Badoo is OK, just ignore and block people you don't like the look of.

The only issue I had was that it links to your Facebook and I don't like people to know my full name, where I live, see all my profile etc. It never used to do that. I found an excellent FB there years ago when I wasn't even looking.

Shayelle2009
Good for you
I need some of that !

Belladi
Still not texting ? My fucker hasn’t even texted me
So lesson learned there ! Don’t sext if you can be casual

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I've found the same vibe with guys wanting naughty talk etc - it's like they aren't even excited by it, they are so "desensitised/entitled" with the app culture it doesn't mean much?

It's just like free porn chat - they don't get excited or flattered and aren't that connected to the woman they're asking - just a random boredom/ego-boost thing?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Shayelle2009 Good for you I need some of that !

Belladi
Still not texting ? My fucker hasn’t even texted me
So lesson learned there ! Don’t sext if you can be casual

Nope not texting. Even though today I was in hospital for a thing that I'd told him about and that he's been really sympathetic about. Nope. No texting.

I may have posted on social media about being back in hospital in the forlorn hope that would jog his memory

I’ve swerved every call/text from MrE and he’s still trying! Wants a ‘proper conversation’! I’ve muted him but he has so many numbers? I’m hoping he’ll get sick of trying soon. Got my neighbour upstairs if he does decide to show up. Is a bit unnerving but i honestly don’t think he’d do anything. I think he just doesn’t understand my reasons because from his point of view he’s the ‘perfect’ man for me. And only ever been helpful/wonderful.

@WeWantTheFinestWines i’m glad your kids get you in a good mood and i’m sure the meet-up group will be a good place to see some new faces. We got a dog in November. She’s a little pug and the best companion ever for me and my son. I juggle full time work (from home though) and my DS and her and it works. He’s 12 and does his (haha) fair share (after a fair few nags at him) They are so adaptable and love people. There is also a ‘pug-society’ where we live and we get to meet people. She needs her exercise and is really a lovely little thing, great with kids/other dogs as well. But definitely a big added responsibility. And over the past two/three years i’ve realised i’m at my calmest/happiest when i’m on my own. I found my sports hobby and persevered with the truck stuff. I realised i was looking for my happiness to come from someone else. But turns out being happy or feeling content with me/my life/set-up and my own company has to come first. I think this is why most relationships failed because either i wasn’t quite there yet or whoever i was seeing wasn’t. Hard to explain but i think it’s just much better to be single than with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I also stopped comparing myself to others i think someone spring maybe said that comparison is the ‘thief of joy’

Naimee
This is annoying me (his behaviour )
You’ve dumped him
Like we’ve all been dumped and ghosted !
He needs to suck it up

Like everyone else does
Fucks sake

Belladi that’s totally not texting him !!!! and I hope your procedure Went ok xxxx

SpringlikeBunk
It’s odd he has been gagging for what I sent him for weeks
Gets it
No reply

And as flaky as he is he usually replies

What a rich learning curve this all is !!!!

Yea! I’ve been a bit guilty of doing what he’s doing to me though. Well not to this extent. Only with one ‘ex’ but it just boils down to the fact that they aren’t happy with themselves/their lives so the thought of losing that person making you happy/forgetting your unhappy/not content is hard to come to turns with. But i won’t be entertaining his messages. To be honest i’m nursing a slight headache, even though i didn’t have all that much to drink last night, just my age showing i suppose. I’m hoping a run will rejuvinate me. If my old battered ipod will turn on with my 90’s techno playlist!

It’s probably stress , a bit naimee
Having someone incessantly contact you like that is stressful and not nice x

Enjoy your run
I am going to cut back my front garden and take to dump xx

@Naimee87 Do not meet Mr E, we all know how the last dumping chat went when you met face to face.
He wants to wear you down by seeing you.
You have ended it and that is enough.

Well done for finishing it and recognising he wasn't right for you.
His latest comments about no one eber treating you right before but he does is just 😱. Normal people just don't talk like that and of course its rude to talk about someones history in a negative light.

Its 2 years for Mr K and I today🥳
Mixed emotions today, happy with Mr K but taking DD to Uni which is a huge thing for her and me.
I saw Mr K last night for a few hours when he came out for the goodbye meal for my DD but he didn't stay and I won't see him until Tuesday but these things can't be helped.
As much as he is emotionally unavailable he sent me such a lovely message today (and his card is lovely too) so I have no doubt he really likes me😂

No real advice to give about dating as we didnt do normal dating-met on Fab so were FB, which became FWB, which became a relationship of sorts until after 9 months we had 'the talk' and became boyfriend/girlfriend and what we have now is a relationship which works for us.
This way worked for us because we'd both been very hurt in the past and are both emotionally unavailable and didn't want a relationship, just sex, but it turns out we both liked each other a lot and got on great.

In terms of knowing what you want from life, make sure your life is the best it can be, that you are happy in yourself and only then do you look for a man to enhance your life (and not be your life).
Consider what a relationship looks like to you, not your family or friends, not society but to you and do not compromise on this no matter how nice you think a man is.
I know that I don't want to live with my partner, I don't want to share finances, get married or blend families and luckily Mr K is in agreement, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
And most of all relationships should be fun with some normal, mundane thrown in.

@Naimee87 it sounds like it’s taken the whole episode with mr elf to make you realise that everything you have built on your own is so precious, it’s a lovely feeling to know you’re truly happy and don’t need anyone else to do that and certainly not to come in and destroy it all. Think I was about your age when I realised those things too. And I’ve been single since 😁

@BelladiMamma hope hospital was ok? 🌸

@Thisisworsethananticpated I love the end result when ive spent a good couple of hours on the garden and tidied it all up. So worth the effort 💚

@Naimee87 this is a completely abnormal reaction from MrE and the multiple phone numbers are a huge flag. I'm not sure where you live but locally here police take stalking seriously. You could consider sending him a message being quite specific and transparent, as guided to by my local police force here last year which says 'I've asked you not to be in contact and this level of communication from you is harassment and causing me mental distress. Please stop. If you don't I will be forced to inform the police'. Keep a note of his communication and phone numbers, screen shot or keep in a separate folder. He is harassing you. Make sure the neighbour and your Dad know. One of them could call MrE too and let him know that you will be involving the police. Take it from me, nip this thing in the bud now so that he knows he can't fuck with you.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I have booked mani pedi for Tuesday!! Yay!!

@Shayelle2009 so far so ok. Not feeling great but not as bad as I'd feared. Am hoping to do some light gardening today too

@SortingItOut good luck with your DD off to Uni. My DS is going tomorrow and it's such a wrench. He's an amazing person and he's really kept me going through some dark times with his consistency and reliability and thoughtfulness. His sister and the dogs are really going to miss him too

I agree with Belladi
He needs to NOT fuck with you
I’m so angry on your behalf x
Do what she advised 100 💯
It’s not heavy handed , it’s appropriate and he needs to back the fuck off

All these uni babies
I can’t imagine 🥲
Bless them

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I agree with Belladi He needs to NOT fuck with you I’m so angry on your behalf x Do what she advised 100 💯 It’s not heavy handed , it’s appropriate and he needs to back the fuck off

All these uni babies
I can’t imagine 🥲
Bless them

I am Fucking angry too 😠

Men need to seriously examine themselves sometimes. Their sense of entitlement is bang out of order and frightening. Literally.

@BelladiMamma Glad you are feeling okish after your procedure, even if you can't do light gardening, just sitying out in the garden for fresh air would be good.

It is definitely a wrench, I've been doing ok (well I've been in denial) until last night after the meal when DD said goodbye to Mr K and she was crying, so then I was crying and we had a group hug 🤗
DD will miss the dogs and her tiny cousins the most, me and her brother are of no consequence😂

DD has been amazing throughout my split with her dad but last night at the meal she said she was worried he would kill himself as he'd be lonely without her. She has unfortunately taken on the mental load of having a dad with mental health issues and I regret that hugely.
I told her he would be fine and he had plans to travel down regularly to see her and that he was in a good place with having a very part time job and getting his life on track.

Thanks @Shayelle2009 i love this realization as it seemed such a distant goal a fair few years ago to me! Now i’m here, i feel i made it. @SortingItOut wise words as ever from you as well. Cannot imagine sending of my DS to uni (not that he is academically inclined at the current present) the emotions involved must be a mixture of excitement/feeling proud/missing her/celebrating her success! And it seems what you and MrK had did evolve into something that really works for you both. I suppose this is where i have always gone wrong i’ve jumped in head first. Won’t be doing this ever again.
@BelladiMamma things have calmed this morning but if he continues i will have to follow up with him letting him no i want no contact and my decision is final. He needs to accept that as well.
@Thisisworsethananticpated thanks for thinking of me! I had to read your post twice as i read that you were off ‘to take a dump’ 😂😂 i thought ‘wow’ hmmm not sure i’d post that! But i see you are off ‘to’ the dump!!!