Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

[BelladiMamma]

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

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Just popped in to share this with you all.

Now back to work. And staying off the apps.

@Naimee87 that'd really piss me off, it's so patronising as well as manipulative and plain rude. Definitely bin that one.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Just popped in to share this with you all.

Now back to work. And staying off the apps.

God that's depressing 🤦🏻‍♀️

But thanks for the reminder 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Naimee87 other posters have said it all but I am so pleased you're out of that scenario. Bad news which you're better off without.

Text him then grey rock / ghost / block. And be very aware that he's the kind of guy who might 'up the ante' so just warn a couple of people that you're concerned he's taken it badly and not to engage with him if he tries to get in contact with them. You don't need to state a reason just say you've got a bad feeling about him and you don't trust him. Anyone with your best interests at heart will respect that.

For the text you can just say

'Hey Elf, I've had a chance to think about us and I've come to the conclusion that it's run it's course. Best of luck out there. I'd rather we didn't stay in touch.'

Then you can actually legitimately block him without it being a crap move.

Seems you've all given me the go-ahead that i can do this over text. Thank you very much! I'm also glad that you saw this comment the way i did. Feel so sorry for anyone who does end up with him. I'll try throw myself into work and will message him tonight so i can enjoy my weekend. I'm not too sure how persistent he'll be but better to get this over and done with as soon as possible. Next time round i'll be going at a snails pace...

@zonky I agree with @Eesha I just don't swipe when it gets too draining.

Most of them are just looking for casual I reckon too.

Good luck @Naimee87 and I'm glad you're seeing this as the liberating, empowering moment that it is.

I have a date zero planned for next week, but I'm not at all enthused by it! I think it's because we've not messaged much - that should be a positive though...Mr Treats.

@Naimee87 I agree to go with Bella's message :

'Hey Elf, I've had a chance to think about us and I've come to the conclusion that it's run it's course. Best of luck out there. I'd rather we didn't stay in touch.'

We worry too much as women but we shouldn't do. It's clear, concise, polite - NEXT!!!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines that's interesting, depressing but interesting!

As someone who dates both men and women this is something else I've been mulling over.

1. I'm rarely scared or worried about interacting with other women: from matching and chatting to saying thanks but no thanks.

1. Other women, when interacting with someone they want to date, are often over explainers and careful to be diplomatic / keep the peace / over apologise.

1. Women are happy to suggest meet ups, and generally stick to them.

1. Women do ghost but will often over explain and over apologise afterwards / before

That's all folks 😊

From 2-4 I think I am a man!

As women we’re socialised (often by other women sadly) to accept being treated like shit, or guilt tripped if we are “ shock-horror”
putting our own interests first.

Plus there’s the societal idea that “any man is better than no man” and “if a man is nice to us and pays us attention and wants COMMITMENT we need to reward him with a relationship and support and access to our vagina”

meh

Ultimately most people we meet on the apps are strangers to us and won’t have our best interests at heart - nice to be nice and not intentionally hurt people but I’ve learned “if one person is going to be upset in an interaction it doesn’t have to be me” 🤷‍♀️

So I said to Dr Sends Selfies in Scrubs I was interested in a date, and he sent me a voice note saying ‘Trust me I’m very keen’ and to let him know possible days. We’ve narrowed it down to probably Tues, but still not firmed up! Maybe it’s Drs, as some were saying. We exchanged more 1 min videos today (a way he likes to communicate— what I do appreciate about it is I think we have a realistic idea of how the other looks now). He said ‘English rose’ in reply to mine. Which is not how I think of myself at all, but I’ll take it!

And I’m going out for a drink and to see some dance on Sat with Mr Lovely Friend. He also wants to go night swimming in the river sometime!

So, some minor action ;-)

Happy Friday everyone

@zonky agree it can be disheartening. Being super selective on it, maybe? Every now & then there is someone interesting. Hinge a bit less for hookups I think, though I’m fairly new to it all.

So... I'm excited because I'm getting an extra night with my guy. He was supposed to have left his work yesterday but he had to stay another night...i got an invite a while ago

@Dropdeadfred2 that's sooo exciting! Love those types of cheeky surprises! Do enjoy!

I've sent the text to MrE and ignored a bunch of calls/txts from him. Turns out he has other numbers too which i don't have to be able to block him on. Hope it blows over soon! Luckily i got drinks on the cards with my neighbour for later and sooooo looking forward to a drink as well flippin need it after today. Been so manic with work....
@SpringlikeBunk you'd get on with my best friend, she's said exactly the same thing to me as you said in your last post!!

@VanGoghsDog

From 2-4 I think I am a man!

Me too 😊 😂

[quote Naimee87]@Dropdeadfred2 that's sooo exciting! Love those types of cheeky surprises! Do enjoy!

I've sent the text to MrE and ignored a bunch of calls/txts from him. Turns out he has other numbers too which i don't have to be able to block him on. Hope it blows over soon! Luckily i got drinks on the cards with my neighbour for later and sooooo looking forward to a drink as well flippin need it after today. Been so manic with work....
@SpringlikeBunk you'd get on with my best friend, she's said exactly the same thing to me as you said in your last post!![/quote]
Oh jeez he's one of those. I'm so sorry 😣 what a head fuck.

@SpringlikeBunk

As women we’re socialised (often by other women sadly) to accept being treated like shit, or guilt tripped if we are “ shock-horror” putting our own interests first.

Plus there’s the societal idea that “any man is better than no man” and “if a man is nice to us and pays us attention and wants COMMITMENT we need to reward him with a relationship and support and access to our vagina”

meh

Ultimately most people we meet on the apps are strangers to us and won’t have our best interests at heart - nice to be nice and not intentionally hurt people but I’ve learned “if one person is going to be upset in an interaction it doesn’t have to be me” 🤷‍♀️

Yup which is why so often the blokes do all that creepy scary stalkery stuff, often just to tell you where you have gone wrong and that you should be grateful because they bought you flowers or fancied you or whatever 🤯

@Dropdeadfred2 @Earlgrey19 nice news with some real interaction coming up!

I have 1 hour of work to get through before a blissful 2 weeks off. I will still be lurking in the thread but not thinking about dating until early to mid October.

Happy Friday everyone!

To those with dates, enjoy!!!

I'm still at the stage of looking for a decent match!

I've seen a few mentions recently of 'a zero date' or 'date zero'. I asked one guy who had it in his profile what he meant and he said it was a coffee meet up before arranging a date. Is the coffee meet up not a date??

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Enjoy!

happy Friday all you lovely threadies.

@fidgetmad

Yes AFAIK it's just the quick "seeing if the other person and you vibe" meet? I'm off the apps for now (and speed dating should be my next dating foray) but it seems quite sensible.

I never used the phrase myself, but arranging the first meet to be fairly "low commitment" seems sensible for both parties - you can organise a proper date or even extend the meet if you really get on?

I guess in a way a "speed date" is a lot of date zeros in one night!

@Dancerinthemoonlight enjoy your lovely and well deserved break ☺️
I’m also lurking but nothing to add as love life is non existant and honestly im quite happy with that 😊 feeling completely happy and calm in myself. 💗