To think maybe this is not normal

[Poppy298]

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

This guy has issues and it’s not your job to solve them. I know what you feel, you want to hope for the best and think things will change but I’m certain they won’t. It would be beneficial to reflect on why you allow this treatment and learn how and when to set personal boundaries for future relationships. It sounds like you have in the past found it comforting that someone can be their self around you and feels good to be needed, but this is solid emotional abuse. He doesn’t see you as a person, just a service. Imagine how it will be with kids - and escape now while you don’t have any! It will be the greatest service you’ve ever done yourself. Good luck.

Well done that woman.
Stay strong and of firm resolve.
The MN vipers will meet you in the library toilets if you're ever in need of a hug or a stern talking to Poppy.
Good luck with your studies going forward and enjoy the rest of your life.

He is a cock. Walk away now.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Now RTFT. Cheerleader pom poms and party time are in order, I think.

Keep him at arm's length until he leaves you in peace, OP. Completely cold turkey with the block facility and don't let him into your home.

Top work in getting rid of this disrespectful oath. Now enjoy your university life as it's meant to be lived!

Sorry, OAF. Not oath! You definitely don't want to be taking one of those ...

LTB

Do you love him enough for a life time of misery???? Becouse that is all he is offering. He is abusive and controlling. Sack him off

Just read through the replies. Well done on dumping the ogre! Men generally are not as great as they believe they are 😂 I hope you stay safe and can look forward to happier times.

After I was with a bloke who belittled me, made me feel rubbish and that I only a deserved a cheating arse i decided to find myself

I was 25 and decided to book a holiday on my own of a mini tour of USA. The furthest i had ever been and I had never been on holiday on my own.

Best thing I ever did. I found my independence, self esteem and realised I didnt actually need anyone. I was a more confident me and a few years later when I was ready I found my now husband.

Good luck OP. Remember you dont need someone to define you.

Congratulations on losing a whole bunch of dead weight from your life! Now you must survive it trying to wheedle its way back. Stay strong and come back to this thread if you ever feel like you're wavering.

@Foodroofandfamily

He is a cock. Walk away now.

🤣😂🤣😂

Superb lol

Just don’t answer the phone, don’t interact, the more time you have a way from this total dickhead the freer you will feel.

Honestly go have some fun and live your life. Keep this piece of shit gone. I genuinely can’t believe how he was treating you. Like a piece of shit. Show him who the piece of shit is, and it’s not you. It’s him. Fucking pay for his trainers. Arsehole.

Oh what is the voicemail I wonder...

Maybe change his name in your phone to “You are just a silly little girl” so when he starts messaging you, you remember what he thinks of you. Apart everything else - “silly little girl” - how fucking patronising?!

Google “the freedom programme” for an online course you can do to help spot any future arseholery.

Um, he sounds like a massive twat.
Tell him to shove his pongy trainers up his arse and use his own feet to fetch stuff.

Definitely get rid, you deserve so much better.

So here is an update for you all!

I have had umpteen missed calls from no caller id, several voicemails (all just abuse and insults). I actually spent the evening with my sister just to make sure I didn’t cave and text him. I feel sick at the thought of starting over again but do you know what, anything is better than being someone’s mug!

Well done! Please stick to this! He is not a keeper. Do not marry or stay with a man like this or have kids with them as they will make your life hell. You'll do everything for them, the kids, the house and work like Cinderella but with no Prince or castle at the end.

23 is no age. Go out have fun, be treated and pampered and spoiled. Save the time and money you wasted on him and spoil yourself!

Well done, stay strong!

He's an idiot because he's just lost his relationship with the best person ever, and all he knows to do is hurl abuse. Yeah, that'll work

I feel sick at the thought of starting over again but do you know what, anything is better than being someone’s mug!

Switch that to feeling relieved and optimistic, OP.

Starting over without the ball and chain of an abusive utter bell end is a great opportunity!

Can you block No Caller ID for a week? Set an alarm on your calendar to cancel it so you don’t forget.

He’s using it to bully you and try to ensure you get no respite from him.

OP you rock for having the strength to realise you deserve better. Good luck my dear and never settle for some whiney tosspot who tantrums over trainers. That's what toddlers do not 30yo men!

I think you’d already done the hard work in your head then started this thread to get a logic check.

Well done for today.

A relationship should benefit you, lift you up and help you be your best self. He sounds a dreadful man who was in danger of dragging you down.

Look forwards, I assure you that no matter what, your life is going to be better without him in it.

@Poppy298

So here is an update for you all!

I have had umpteen missed calls from no caller id, several voicemails (all just abuse and insults). I actually spent the evening with my sister just to make sure I didn’t cave and text him. I feel sick at the thought of starting over again but do you know what, anything is better than being someone’s mug!

Has he failed to understand that insulting and abusing his ex is really not likely to fill her with a desire to rush back to skivvying?

Good work, OP. You’re absolutely right that it’s better to have a prick fuming because you’ve ditched him that pan the same prick fuming because you booked his taxi wrong, or didn’t deliver his shopping correctly. Life is about to get so much better from here.

@LightDrizzle’s suggestion is a good one.

It may be petty, but announce the split on your SM to your friends to hold yourself accountable. You don’t have to name him as such but a nice passive aggressive “Just been on the best diet ever and lost 12 stone of entitled idiot in a matter of hours!” will be just the tonic.