To think maybe this is not normal

[Poppy298]

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

You're obviously not good enough for him so do him a favour and bow out, he can find another slave just by clicking his fingers. Set yourself free!

It might be worth going out tonight just in case he turns up 💐

Please remember this when he comes creeping round sometime next when you've cooled off - because he will.

Please get away.
This man-child is an absolute wanker.
Your life will be a million times better without this ungrateful, spoilt, messed up git.
And yanbu, at all!!! It's not you. He is not a normal functioning adult man.

It's potentially worthwhile sending one more message that says you don't want to hear from him again and that you will consider any further contact harassment. This would make it wasier for you to go to the police if he doesn't just leave you alone.

Consider also security arrangements where you're living - might he have a key / access code? Think about changing the locks.

Well done! He's a total moron.

Please please never accept so little again. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. You deserve so much more in life.

Well done OP on ditching him. Just block him on everything and stand firm.

There is nothing wrong with you and an awful lot wrong with him.

I had a friend who stayed with a man for years because he made her feel that nobody else would every want her, and even though her whole life revolved around him and his family, nothing she ever did was good enough for him. She walked away and now lives a very happy life.

You are so young and at Uni, and have a chance to make a good life for yourself, and you don't need this loser dragging you down and holding you back.

He will be angry right now because he has lost his servant, so just remember that and do not listen to anything that he says. He will want to hit out at you and hurt you. Just remember he is the one with the problem not you.

The fact that your family all hate him says an awful lot too.

Well done OP! You must feel amazing. You are going to have so much fun in the future without this loser nipping at your heels!

@Poppy298

He has tried to call me on no caller id and left a voicemail 🥴🥴🥴

He will try lots of ways to contact you - phone, email, letters, gifts, maybe turning up at your house/uni or following you. Keep posting and you can get lots of advice.

Keep the voicemail for now as you might need it if he doesn't leave you alone but don't respond to anything he sends as it will only encourage him.

Well done OP! What a brilliant thread. Now never look back!

Well done on ending it. Stay strong and take time to fully recover by having the best time in your second year. He sounds awful

In all seriousness, OP, and I don't want to worry you, but men like this can turn nasty when you leave/threaten to leave. I'm trying to think of practical steps you can take to make sure you are perfectly safe and sound and clear of this horrible man - even if just for the next while until he moves on.

Maybe I'm being overcautious, though. Hopefully he will rage a bit and then give up, so long as you hold firm.

You are now in control, use your power wisely

@Poppy298

He has tried to call me on no caller id and left a voicemail 🥴🥴🥴

He is going to try desperately to hoover you back in. Please, please don't allow that to happen. He has lost control of you and he simply can't handle it, it has nothing to do with him actually caring about you. Don't answer his calls and don't listen to his bullshit messages. Just delete them.

He is treating you horribly, it's abusive behaviour. I'm glad you're questioning it, I sincerely hope you dump him.

I voted YABU.....for being in a relationship with this ar$e. Mumsnet LTB is apt in this situation.

A huge well done to you! Onwards and upwards and don’t look back.

Well done. Now you can begin to enjoy your life, learn who you actually are (big difference between 19 and 23 (even without a man like him telling you're crap all the time), and work out what YOU want. Sure, there'll probably be some ups and downs while you get used to life without him, but I would say that whenever you feel lost turn to your studies as they're what's going to have a permanent and positive effect on the rest of your life.

Good luck. You've clearly got grit, strength and persistence aplenty. I think you're going to do really really well.

Congratulations OP, you have an incredibly bright future ahead of you xx

I have now read all your posts on the thread and have changed to YANBU. But please do not go back to the ba$tard!.

Checkout The Freedom Programme OP, to ensure you don’t walk into another of these types of relationships.

His behaviour is disgusting. You can do so much better. Dump him and block his calls.
Build up your self esteem and find somebody amazing

Well done OP. So pleased for you. I would definitely go to the uni pastoral care team and ask for some counselling sessions to try and work out what happened and stop it happening again.

It is so awesome to read a thread where the victim dumps the bullying knob! And moreover to feel like OP won't take the knob back.

Brava!!!!!!!

@Poppy298

Yes he has made comments about me being at uni and that I won’t make it anywhere in life. He’s also very angry about his work situation. Apparently any good woman would have helped him to start a successful business so that he didn’t have to be an “employee” and could work for himself. But I didn’t do that, I don’t have a money tree plus his business ideas are shit anyway. Actually the more I think about all this crap I deal with the more angry I’m getting 😂

Seriously, that is the best post I've read on Mumsnet for some time.

Find that anger, hold onto it, and let it mobilise you.

I'm the mother of a young son. I'm raising him to know this kind of behaviour is pathetic and that women are not there to act as men's unpaid Krytons. I'd bet a box of Hotel Chocolat to a Cadbury's Creme Egg that his mother waited on him hand and foot at home and took on the burden of wifework for her entire household.

Learned helplessness, they call it. It's about time some of these overgrown children - your 'partner' is by no means the only one - learned otherwise. Can you imagine living with this?