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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To think maybe this is not normal

681 replies

Poppy298 · 12/09/2021 12:45

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

OP posts:
CharlieBoo · 12/09/2021 17:38

Just seen that you have binned the tosser!!! Well done you!!! He will be seething! Block on everything and be prepared for him to try to
Contact you through other means.. just ignore.. make no contact.. block his family members or anyone you have contact/know only through him.. you can do this girl .. proud of you..

LightDrizzle · 12/09/2021 17:39

My guess is his “business” ideas all centred around shit he likes to do: fitness/music/fashion/ whatever, you know, the stuff the rest of us attempt to cram around job, family and friends, - and Poppy’s role should have been to hold down a joyless but stable job and pick up all the chores to “support him in his dreams”. Naughty Poppy!

What a lucky escape.

paisley256 · 12/09/2021 17:39

Fuck him

HereticFanjo · 12/09/2021 17:39

Omfg thank god you realised what an abusive prick he is before you moved in together etc. Be prepared for either abuse or love bombing when he realises his slave is gone. Ignore both and laugh at your escape.

diavlo · 12/09/2021 17:40

Why are you allowing him to treat you like that? You need to tell him to fuck off, walk away and not look back!

Freeloadingtosser · 12/09/2021 17:44

Just read your posts and bloody well done OP!! Try not to dwell on your first year being tainted, just see.it as.a learning curve and start having a great time as of this year! What a loser he is!

ApolloandDaphne · 12/09/2021 17:46

Well done for walking away. Go and enjoy freedom and uni life.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/09/2021 17:46

Well done for dumping the idiot. Now block him on everything and don't engage at all! He'll be trying all sorts of tactics, crying will be next...

iklboo · 12/09/2021 17:47

Well done OP.

PrimoPiatti · 12/09/2021 17:49

The door marked EXIT is your friend, your very good friend....

Poppy298 · 12/09/2021 17:50

He has tried to call me on no caller id and left a voicemail 🥴🥴🥴

OP posts:
Beehappy21 · 12/09/2021 17:53

He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a PA. 🤦‍♀️

lazylinguist · 12/09/2021 17:53

What kind of voicemail...? An angry 'Ha - I'm better off without you and you'll be single forever because nobody will have you!' one, or a wheedly 'Oh come on, you know you love me really' one?

Ducksarenotmyfriends · 12/09/2021 17:54

YES! I'm so pleased for you that you've shifted this utter cockwomble out of your life! You will do so much better Grin

BabbleBee · 12/09/2021 17:54

Stay strong @Poppy298 and ignore, ignore, ignore.

Don’t walk away from him - run! Seriously, you deserve so much better. My abusive ex proposed to me ‘because no one else would’ and constantly reminded me that he could do better… well, guess what? I’m the one who is married with DC and he’s the single loner with a string of broken relationships.

Still1nLove · 12/09/2021 17:58

Well done you 👏

annacondom · 12/09/2021 17:59

Well done for seeing the light and acting on it, OP. Now you are free to enjoy your uni experience.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 12/09/2021 17:59

Don’t lose your resolve! Don’t forget he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a skivvy. You’ve bruised his ego and he doesn’t like it. He’s used to being in control and he’s lost it.

LightDrizzle · 12/09/2021 18:01

Delete without listening.

TicTac80 · 12/09/2021 18:03

I levelled up (on the insult front) when I split with XH...I was called a drunk, a druggy and a prostitute. Now, I'm virtually teetotal, I work FT as a nurse and the strongest drug I take is paracetamol.

I bet the voicemail will be either.....him begging/pleading/trying to reel you back. OR....a load of abuse. Sod him either way...

PS I knew he had tried to sabotage your studies. My ex (not XH) did similar. They follow a script...

TicTac80 · 12/09/2021 18:07

You should play Twatty Ex Bingo with your mates and place bets on what he does next:
-pleading/reeling back in attempts - 10 points.
-insults - 50 points.
-him trying to turn it around and blame you for being like the worst girlfriend ever, for not wiping his arse, polishing his turds, savouring the fragrant aroma of his farts and generally being so fucking THRILLED to be his beck-and-call skivvy 24/7 - 100 points...

Or just delete and ignore.

maddening · 12/09/2021 18:11

Amazing, keep making it real by letting other people know, it will make it harder to go back the more you allow it to become fact

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 12/09/2021 18:12

Just read your thread and had to quickly comment and say well done sweetheart for freeing yourself from this prison. You have a whole new free life ahead of you and make sure you enjoy yourself, meet new people and spend your free time doing stuff for you and enjoy that. Wine No more being called 'girl', no more shopping for an ungrateful twat, no more being told you are good for nothing.

Allergictoironing · 12/09/2021 18:12

I find it hard to believe that 2% of over 650 people think YABU!

You're well shot of him. If people tell you what lies he's told them about you, just laugh loudly - YOU know it's a bunch of lies.

Something to consider. If he's so great and can do better than you/you are so pathetic & won't ever get another man, why is he with you instead of somebody else who is up to his "standards"?

babouchette · 12/09/2021 18:13

What a satisfying thread. Good on you OP, you deserve so much better than this lowlife! I too dumped a loser boyfriend after my first year of uni ... have never regretted it for a second, and I had loads of fun during the remaining two years! Hope you do too!