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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The phone..

175 replies

trickmetwice · 08/09/2021 14:00

I got some great advice yesterday then admin removed the thread! I actually didn't screen shot the information I needed so I'd like anyone with good tech skills to message me. I found a phone, I won't go into details in case the same person comes back to bash me again. I need to see what's on the phone. Last active Monday am and been in use since Feb 2021 (friend has found out that part) I'm pretty certain and have that guy sinking feeling but I need evidence for my own mental state! Don't bash me, all I want is tips/tricks to get into this phone. It's locked and I don't know the password. Was on airplane mode but isn't now, no notifications have come through. H is panicking about it for sure.. not that I care! He's done stuff before so has a history of being a very cleaver cheating B

OP posts:
minmooch · 10/09/2021 10:22

The relationship is dead in the water whether you get proof or not. Your gut instinct is enough. That he has a secret phone is enough.

You are only further torturing yourself.

Be better than him. End the relationship and keep your own standards high.

It is as simple as that.

Loveabitofrain · 10/09/2021 13:51

Op I understand you! I’d want to know too! I got into my exes using his parents phone number! We were talking numbers one day and if we remembered them, bingo, I noted it!

We all react differently and I’m on your page!

trickmetwice · 10/09/2021 14:25

Thank you @Loveabitofrain it's always nice to know others get it. Being blunt is all good and well but when the life you thought you had is a heap of shite those harsh words actually don't help. I've come to learn that some people actually enjoy the misfortune of others and that says more about them than the wife needing closure so she's not blamed for being bat shit crazy. Hey ho, happy weekend all.

OP posts:
Loveabitofrain · 10/09/2021 14:51

I think unless you’ve been there it’s very difficult to understand.

Big hugs to you, you’ve got this.

My inbox is always open! I’ve been where are!x

fidgetmad · 10/09/2021 14:52

I agree with PPs that you have enough 'evidence' to leave him as it is.

However for my own sanity and peace of mind I'd still want to see what was on the phone!!!

In my own personal situation, I found out my now exH was cheating. When caught he confessed and made out it was a one off with a woman he met on a business trip. If I'd accepted that at face value I'd never have found out it was a mutual friend and a 18 month affair!!! Even when caught he was still covering some of the details as he knew the repercussions would be massive

Jerseygirl12 · 10/09/2021 14:54

Men only admit to the minimum even if you have the evidence.

MydogWillow · 10/09/2021 15:00

All the investigating aside (and there's been some really ingenious processes here!) I just want to send you a massive handhold. I've been there.

fidgetmad · 10/09/2021 15:02

But if she can find out more for herself it doesn't matter if he de it's it or not. OP will know as she'll have evidence

SnatchCassidy · 10/09/2021 15:17

@trickmetwice

Thank you *@Loveabitofrain* it's always nice to know others get it. Being blunt is all good and well but when the life you thought you had is a heap of shite those harsh words actually don't help. I've come to learn that some people actually enjoy the misfortune of others and that says more about them than the wife needing closure so she's not blamed for being bat shit crazy. Hey ho, happy weekend all.
How is he actually reacting now he can't find the phone?
wonderlust23 · 10/09/2021 17:35

I've actually been wondering about how you got on . I really hope you can get into . Could you take it into one of those independent phone shops and explain your situation they might try and use their skills to help you :-) xxx

NoEffingWay · 10/09/2021 21:52

Any luck today OP?

User646326712 · 10/09/2021 22:04

Would a photo of his face open the phone??

MsJinks · 11/09/2021 06:50

Have you tried putting an iPhone sim into the phone? It may show some saved to phone stuff - it did when I borrowed a friends i phone when mine was out of order, but this was a couple of years ago and wasn’t loads - it was unexpected to both of us. I’m never sure really how phones store stuff but may be worth a try.
I have done this as a trick many moons ago on an old phone type and it brought up an awful lot but I know it’s more security tight now.

snackodactyl · 11/09/2021 06:57

I agree with minmooch take on this. There’s absolutely no way you can take it to a phone shop, hookup to a pc with iTunes, etc etc to be able to get into it. Apple has been solid on that and am sure many law enforcement agencies have tried and tried but they wouldn’t budge. The phone is definitely enough OP.

Surprised it hasn’t started pinging if DH has Find My iPhone set up, but I think you’d silenced it or something?

EarringsandLipstick · 11/09/2021 07:06

I didn't see the previous deleted thread; however, I find this thread both sad & shocking.

OP, if you are in a position where you have this level of doubt & suspicion (based on past experiences) then the relationship is already in serious jeopardy.

As much as I sympathise with your situation, looking for ways to hack into a phone isn't the right way to go, you behaving badly (and it is behaving badly, trying to get access into a phone that isn't yours, regardless of your reasons) isn't going to help.

Ask him about he phone, confront him. As PP said, his reaction will tell you what you need to know.

The suggestions of trying to use his thumbprint etc are so far out of the bounds of acceptability.

I hope you get the answers you need OP💐

Windmillwhirl · 11/09/2021 10:57

I don't think the op is going to get answers by just asking him. I think that suggestion is beyond naive.

trickmetwice · 11/09/2021 12:17

@Windmillwhirl

I don't think the op is going to get answers by just asking him. I think that suggestion is beyond naive.
This!! I know full well I won't get the truth. I've been made to look as mads as a box of frogs in the past. Having proof in black and white is what I'm after. The phone if able to be unlocked 'could' give me that. Too many attempts at guessing the passcode have now left no option but to reset from iTunes. So I doubt I'll get my answers just yet. But I won't give up or give in until I do.
OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 11/09/2021 12:37

I didn’t read your other thread and I’m sorry you are in distress but you’re essentially asking how to break into someone else’s phone. Your reasons for wanting to, don't matter, even the Police would need a court order to access data on someone else’s phone.

You’ve probably heard it on your deleted thread but it probably needs repeating, if you’re at the phone hacking stage, then your relationship is over and maybe you need to stop distracting yourself with ‘finding proof’. You know enough.

AgentJohnson · 11/09/2021 12:43

Thankfully, iPhones aren’t so easy to hack. If they were, the FBI wouldn’t have wasted time trying to force Apple to give up their encryption methods.

For your mental health you need to walk away from the Rabbit, hole not run towards it.

RandomMess · 11/09/2021 12:55

Stop caring about what he says about you, and the lies he tells.

If he won't unlock the phone to show you he has nothing to hide then that his him admitting guilt.

Start believing in yourself and surrounding yourself with loving and trustworthy people Thanks

MydogWillow · 11/09/2021 12:57

Has been acting odd since the phone has gone?

Astralitzia · 11/09/2021 13:02

Shhh @AgentJohnson the OP doesn't like it when you point out that she's behaving very poorly.

You are wasting your time and your energy and destroying your mental health at the same time OP. This relationship is over. Leave and get some counselling for yourself, and learn to be healthy and happy, because at the moment you are neither and you are obstinately sticking to a path which will only make you worse.

And some of the posts on this thread are deranged. Hidden cameras and lifting fingerprints - would you listen to yourselves? That's outright abusive and controlling behaviour. Just because you suspect your partner of cheating doesn't mean you have the right to do whatever the fuck you like to them and it's ok because you have suspicions.

Sampafie · 11/09/2021 13:13

"But I won't give up or give in until I do"

Thats one way to justify, albeit only to yourself, why you insist on staying with him.

Flowers
trickmetwice · 11/09/2021 13:39

I'm fully aware this isn't healthy and I'm fully aware I need to walk the fuck away. I'm also fully aware there are some people on this site who get a kick out being quite nasty to others who are a bit fragile and facing major life changes. Fortunately I'm more compassionate and caring and know when to walk away from the keyboard and live in the real world instead of poking others in the virtual world for my own gratification. Thank you to those of you who have offered advice and been sympathetic - those mostly seem to be females who have also been through similar experiences sadly 💐

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 11/09/2021 13:43

What make and model is the phone, most are now fingerprint or face recognition so you may not get into it.
Is it definately your husband's phone? If so try holding it Infront of his face to unlock, otherwise try his fingers when he's in a deep sleep.

If it's passcoded try date of births, bank pin codes etc.

Otherwise there's not much you can do to get in it