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Original poster

The phone..

175 replies

trickmetwice · 08/09/2021 14:00

I got some great advice yesterday then admin removed the thread! I actually didn't screen shot the information I needed so I'd like anyone with good tech skills to message me. I found a phone, I won't go into details in case the same person comes back to bash me again. I need to see what's on the phone. Last active Monday am and been in use since Feb 2021 (friend has found out that part) I'm pretty certain and have that guy sinking feeling but I need evidence for my own mental state! Don't bash me, all I want is tips/tricks to get into this phone. It's locked and I don't know the password. Was on airplane mode but isn't now, no notifications have come through. H is panicking about it for sure.. not that I care! He's done stuff before so has a history of being a very cleaver cheating B

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 09/09/2021 12:12

I get why you need to know, I really do. But all this creeping around ..for what? Tell him you have the phone and ask him to show you it /tell you the pin. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

Itonlymakesyoustronger · 09/09/2021 15:27

@trickmetwice Maybe you could put the sim into a new smart phone, download WhatsApp on the new smartphone. The WhatsApp will give you a OTP which will come to the sim card inserted into the new smart phone. Hopefully if he has backed up the WhatsApp it should automatically synchronise from the secret phone his used to the new phone you are using the sim in. You should be able to see messages etc - I've done it before and its worked!

QueenBee52 · 09/09/2021 15:49

Aahh glad you are back OP 🌸

Original poster
trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 15:56

[quote Itonlymakesyoustronger]@trickmetwice Maybe you could put the sim into a new smart phone, download WhatsApp on the new smartphone. The WhatsApp will give you a OTP which will come to the sim card inserted into the new smart phone. Hopefully if he has backed up the WhatsApp it should automatically synchronise from the secret phone his used to the new phone you are using the sim in. You should be able to see messages etc - I've done it before and its worked![/quote]
Thanks, useful info! 😉 I'll try that

OP posts:
MydogWillow · 09/09/2021 15:59

I can understand your need for proof but you're torturing yourself by playing sleuth in the meantime.

Sit him down. Tell him you know he's cheating. Trust your instincts if he denies it.

You can see he's panicking over the missing phone but he hasn't asked if you've seen it. As a partner in the company and equally as a significant other, if it was innocent he would have asked you. That should be enough for you to confirm your suspicions.

I can't remember what led you to find the phone in the first place but your relationship is no longer a healthy one.

Booboo24 · 09/09/2021 16:13

To those saying the OP doesn't need proof, I can see why she does. I had a similar situation where it was pretty damn clear he was cheating, but I was young and thought I could just leave, I didn't need proof. It seriously messed my head up for a long time as even though I knew, I kept wondering if I had made a mistake, thrown away a wonderful relationship, my mind played tricks on me and would only let me remember the 'good bits' and I went back to him. Years of doubt then followed, I never quite knew and I didn't dig enough (scared of what I'd find probably). For that reason I TOTALLY understand why the op is looking for the evidence.

I really hope you can get to the bottom of this op x

Drinkingallthewine · 09/09/2021 16:18

It's not a personal phone - he's got one of those already.
It's not a work phone - as there is zero reason to keep a work phone secret.
So there's only one explanation for a secret phone, particularly if you are on your second lifeline in your marriage after cheating. If he needed a separate phone for any other purpose (dealing with an ex, separating work and personal life, he would have told you he was getting one, if only to stop you freaking out thinking he's up to old tricks, right?

Honestly, if it was just the phone and zero prior evidence /knowledge of cheating, I might go to the bother of trying to find out what's on it, but finding a secret phone and him having prior form for cheating, I wouldn't bother. I would offer him a single chance to open up the phone in front of you there and then to read all and any messages without him taking the phone away somewhere in private, and if he's unwilling, he can pack his bags and fuck off, because by not showing me what's on the phone would tell me everything I needed to know anyway.
So if you don't get into the phone, you aren't mad, and this IS enough to walk away from if he won't unlock the phone for you.

Itonlymakesyoustronger · 09/09/2021 16:21

@trickmetwice - I hope you get access to it. Keep me update or PM if you need further guidance

WatieKatie · 09/09/2021 16:32

Good luck OP. It’s a horrid feeling and I hope you find some answers that will give you closure.

Just a thought but if he knows that the phone is missing will he not wipe all of the data? Warn OW(?) not to message etc?

I’m not at all tech savvy but is there any way you can access the itemised bill? Also check the voicemail?

SuperstoreFan · 09/09/2021 17:39

[quote Itonlymakesyoustronger]@trickmetwice Maybe you could put the sim into a new smart phone, download WhatsApp on the new smartphone. The WhatsApp will give you a OTP which will come to the sim card inserted into the new smart phone. Hopefully if he has backed up the WhatsApp it should automatically synchronise from the secret phone his used to the new phone you are using the sim in. You should be able to see messages etc - I've done it before and its worked![/quote]
I don't think that'll work, I think it would have been backed up to the husband's Apple account if it is backed up.

Original poster
trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 17:51

No back up on what's app, tried that. Phone is on but now completely disabled stating connect to iTunes. I'll do that tomorrow. Friend has called it and it rings and I can answer it. Pretty sure if I connect to iTunes it wipes it. We shall see! In the meantime let's see if anybody rings.

OP posts:
MydogWillow · 09/09/2021 17:59

@Booboo24

To those saying the OP doesn't need proof, I can see why she does. I had a similar situation where it was pretty damn clear he was cheating, but I was young and thought I could just leave, I didn't need proof. It seriously messed my head up for a long time as even though I knew, I kept wondering if I had made a mistake, thrown away a wonderful relationship, my mind played tricks on me and would only let me remember the 'good bits' and I went back to him. Years of doubt then followed, I never quite knew and I didn't dig enough (scared of what I'd find probably). For that reason I TOTALLY understand why the op is looking for the evidence.

I really hope you can get to the bottom of this op x

Completely agree. The reason I suggest OP doesn't need proof comes from personal experience.

I tore myself apart as I wasn't sure if I was imagining everything. I could've got a job as a super-sleuth when it happened to me. I was driven demented by seeking clarification and felt I was going crazy. I did some very clever cloak and dagger work but the all-consuming searching turned me into someone I didn't like and frightened me tbh.

In hindsight I should've saved my energy. He wasn't worth it. Deep down I knew what he was up to but didn't trust my intuition.

I completely sympathise with the OP.

fidgetmad · 09/09/2021 17:59

Sorry Op! The fact it has been disabled rules out any possible innocent explanation (not that i can think of one!).

Glad you've got the support of your friend IRL Thanks

Soupsseason · 09/09/2021 18:09

@fidgetmad

No advice but I was reading your thread yesterday when it got removed and I didn't know why.

I really feel for you and totally understand you wanting to see what's on the phone Thanks

I would think the reason they would remove the thread is because you can't always be sure things are as they seem. Imagine if an abusive partner was trying access their other halfs phone to spy on them. This would be a perfect way for them to get advice on how to do it.
Sexnotgender · 09/09/2021 18:14

What type of iPhone?

MadeForThis · 09/09/2021 18:21

Definitely no way to get into an iPhone.

Sampafie · 09/09/2021 18:28

@trickmetwice

No back up on what's app, tried that. Phone is on but now completely disabled stating connect to iTunes. I'll do that tomorrow. Friend has called it and it rings and I can answer it. Pretty sure if I connect to iTunes it wipes it. We shall see! In the meantime let's see if anybody rings.
Called this on page 1. I told you he was going to wipe the phone remotely. Instead of playing Mr and Mrs Smith with the man you live with how about adressing the issue at hand in your marriage?
accentdusoleil · 09/09/2021 18:42

Could you leave it for him to find and then ring him on it In a few days ?!

Original poster
trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 20:35

@Sampafie what a nasty unsympathetic comment!

OP posts:
Original poster
trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 20:38

I shall confront him, when I'm ready. I've some info that shows he's got a secret phone that's active. Think we all all know the outcome so park your pitch forks away thanks!

OP posts:
Feminem · 09/09/2021 22:50

If he knows you've got it OP, he might be able to wipe apps/messages if it's linked to another Apple device. I'd take it to be unlocked, pronto.

Anordinarymum · 09/09/2021 23:34

@trickmetwice

I shall confront him, when I'm ready. I've some info that shows he's got a secret phone that's active. Think we all all know the outcome so park your pitch forks away thanks!
Take it to one of those small phone shops. I am sure you will get all the info you need there
DoylyCarte · 10/09/2021 00:09

You could ring his actual normal phone off the iPhone when you are around him and know he has his phone. Eg watching tv/film, go get a drink and pocket dial as you’re re-entering the room (with it in your pocket on mute and volume down). When his phone rings pay normal amount of attention- even making small talk/lighthearted behaviour and you’ll get to see his reaction and confusion (has he still not even mentioned it? How’s he behaving generally? Do you think he suspects you?)

He might even have the number saved under a 6 digit code or even a 6 digit name “Trevor” or whatever so if you see this when his phone lights up might give a clue to the code (ie typing it in as the code as if using an old skool Nokia layout) or if you recognise the name then their birthdate (if known) or it might be a name you recognise or know who could be the AP.

Also try all the standard 111111, 222222, 333333 etc and obvious 123456, 147258. All birthdates in family. Any patterns such as 696969.

I 100% agree just asking him directly will give you the answer either way in the quickest and easiest manner. Gin

AnnieSnap · 10/09/2021 01:44

I don’t have any suggestions about getting into the phone, but I have heard that doing so with an IPhone is near impossible (there was a Hoohah a couple of years ago with the security forces trying to convince Apple to let them access the Iphones of terrorist suspects. Apple declined). I didn’t see your original thread, so forgive me if I’m on the right track, but if you are in this situation, might it be best to walk away rather than put yourself through this?

AcrossthePond55 · 10/09/2021 03:00

@trickmetwice

No back up on what's app, tried that. Phone is on but now completely disabled stating connect to iTunes. I'll do that tomorrow. Friend has called it and it rings and I can answer it. Pretty sure if I connect to iTunes it wipes it. We shall see! In the meantime let's see if anybody rings.
You can't connect an iPhone to someone else's iTunes and retrieve info as the phone is 'synced' to its owner's iTunes Account. My iPhone is synced to my MacBook. If DH tried to plug my iPhone into his MacBook his iTunes app wouldn't recognize it, nor would my iPhone recognize his iTunes account and start syncing.

I think you'd have to be able to make a new iTunes account and sync it to the 'other' iPhone, but you'd still have to have the owner's Apple ID/password and the screen password in order to do that.

And if you do the 'lost password reset' it WILL completely wipe the phone and return to factory settings, all data will be lost. In essence, it's a 'blank' phone. It then has to be 're-set up' from an iTunes back up as one would a brand new phone. So that wouldn't achieve your goal.

As far as messages appearing on the lock screen, that's a setting. You can have 'show preview', 'iMessage' with the sender's name, or no notification of any kind. Since he's obviously hiding this phone I'm sure he has it set to 'no notifications' for both the iMessage and Mail apps.

iPhones are pretty damned good at security and privacy.