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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The phone..

175 replies

trickmetwice · 08/09/2021 14:00

I got some great advice yesterday then admin removed the thread! I actually didn't screen shot the information I needed so I'd like anyone with good tech skills to message me. I found a phone, I won't go into details in case the same person comes back to bash me again. I need to see what's on the phone. Last active Monday am and been in use since Feb 2021 (friend has found out that part) I'm pretty certain and have that guy sinking feeling but I need evidence for my own mental state! Don't bash me, all I want is tips/tricks to get into this phone. It's locked and I don't know the password. Was on airplane mode but isn't now, no notifications have come through. H is panicking about it for sure.. not that I care! He's done stuff before so has a history of being a very cleaver cheating B

OP posts:
AnImposter · 08/09/2021 20:11

@ufucoffee

What happens if you ring it though. Surely it's easy enough to answer the phone and then you're in? Or am I being incredibly thick probably
That... is a really good point.

Or I'm a bit thick too Grin

SuperstoreFan · 08/09/2021 20:22

@ufucoffee

What happens if you ring it though. Surely it's easy enough to answer the phone and then you're in? Or am I being incredibly thick probably
Answering a locked phone doesn't then unlock it.
Thatsplentyjack · 08/09/2021 20:27

Honestly if it's an iPhone you have no chance. They won't even open them for the police.
I would want to see what was in it aswell but Honestly OP just leave him. You can't live your life like this. He's done it before, you don't need proof to leave, just get rid of him.

nimbuscloud · 08/09/2021 20:29

She doesn’t know the phone number
How can she ring it

RandomMess · 08/09/2021 20:41

Your best bet is confronting him and insisting he unlocks it in front of you...

Probably regardless your relationship is over as there is no trust.

Thanks
trickmetwice · 08/09/2021 20:54

@SecretWitch

I’m sorry you are experiencing this, op. Can I ask why you stay with a partner you don’t trust? What happens if/when you find information that confirms your suspicion?

💐

I guess first time round I just hoped this really could be fixed and tried hard to make it work for my children. I know now after three years of double guessing and questioning myself that walking away would have been a wise choice and far less head f*ck. I'm a stronger person now, my kids are older and I'd happily walk off with the clothes on my back barefoot. BUT knowing he's done this to me again for my own head is a must. Proof I'm not mad..
OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/09/2021 21:00

If you force him to unlock the phone you will have your evidence I'm sure. If he refuses you also have your evidence....

Thanks
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 08/09/2021 21:02

@nimbuscloud

She doesn’t know the phone number How can she ring it
If its a company phone and op is a director/shareholder she could get access to those records, surely? Or if would be on his email signature? (I didn't see the first thread so don't know if I'm barking up the wrong tree.)

If it's an iPhone I think you're shit out of luck OP. if it's an older android you might be able to get it cracked by a dodgy phone shop. You will pay as lot though, and you might have to go round a lot of places before you find one.

PPs suggestion of a dummy phone and a spycam is a possibility. Or trying fingerprint unlock when he's sleeping.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 08/09/2021 21:26

I'm a stronger person now, my kids are older and I'd happily walk off with the clothes on my back barefoot. BUT knowing he's done this to me again for my own head is a must. Proof I'm not mad..

If it was me I'd just outright ask him. Get him to unlock the phone in front of you so you can check it. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. Job done.

MsDogLady · 08/09/2021 21:27

OP, thanks for updating. I tried to post a comment yesterday but your thread was gone.

I hope you have success with the phone. However, I agree with @pinkyredrose. Your H is a man with no integrity who shat all over your trust while you were holding down the fort and handling all responsibilities.

Whether or not he is cheating again, staying with this unscrupulous man will further diminish you and expose your children to a toxic relationship model. Flowers

Suzi888 · 08/09/2021 21:36

Have you tried any existing codes? How many numbers is it?
Have any more messages appeared?
I’d have to cough to taking the phone and ask for the code I think. Otherwise you just have a phone, and no idea what’s on it. What will you do? Put it back, surely he knows it’s you who took it?

Name99 · 08/09/2021 21:36

If its an iPhone you won't be able to unlock it, apple don't even cooperate with criminal investigations by unlocking iPhones.
Is it asking for a password or is it face recognition or fingerprint?

Bollindger · 09/09/2021 09:00

Take the SIM out, the number will be on it.
Call the phone.
Sometimes messages will appear on the screen.
Other than that, it is locked.
Maybe check which finger he uses to unlock his phone.
Offer him a clean jar to unlock, lift his finger print and use that taped onto your finger . Ok to CSI.

MattHancocksSexTape · 09/09/2021 10:17

@Bollindger The number isn’t on a SIM

trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 10:35

It's a six number code, I have put the sim in my phone and messaged a friend who's given me the number so I have the mobile number and I've been able to see it's topped up with credit and via what's app last seen on Monday early morning on a train (so clearly takes the spare phone with him to message someone on it). Someone has suggested putting the sim in a spare phone - I plan to do this today. See what happens.

OP posts:
parietal · 09/09/2021 10:46

I read a story of a lady who put her husbands thumb on a phone to unlock it when he was deeply asleep ...

Onyernelly · 09/09/2021 10:51

I really hope you get the answers you need op Flowers

Mamamamasaurus · 09/09/2021 10:51

@RandomMess

If you force him to unlock the phone you will have your evidence I'm sure. If he refuses you also have your evidence....

Thanks

"force him"..... How exactly?
Onyernelly · 09/09/2021 10:51

And that you ditch his ass ASAP

LawrenceChaney22 · 09/09/2021 11:07

Sorry is this has already been suggested, this is what it says on the apple website:

'If you can’t remember your passcode when you try again, you need to use a computer to put your iPhone in recovery mode. This process deletes your data and settings, including your passcode, giving you access to set up your iPhone again.

After you’ve erased your iPhone, you can restore your data and settings from backup. If you didn't back up your iPhone, you can set it up as a new device and then download any data you have in iCloud.'

Good luck OP Flowers

trickmetwice · 09/09/2021 11:08

@Onyernelly thank you, I also hoping W I get to the bottom of it. Fully charged phone, pay as you go sim topped up and active this week is telling my gut I'm going to find much more!

OP posts:
fidgetmad · 09/09/2021 11:10

Do you think he could've warned whoever he's in contact with to not use the number again?

Maves · 09/09/2021 11:12

6 figure code could be one of the kids date of birth?

RandomMess · 09/09/2021 11:13

Have you booked in for a STI check?

I would be thinking the worst tbh.

belljar89 · 09/09/2021 11:19

OP, I just wanted to say that I fully understand ad support you.
I hope you will get the info you need- it is definitely suspicious.

I would be worried that swapping phones would erase info that was saved on the previous handset?

Stay strong