Oh god, I hate to say/think it, but I reckon DH is at it again...

[Sorryhavenamechanged]

...and I don't know what to do

DH had an affair a few years ago and I knew for a while before I confronted him, but didn't say anything until I had proper evidence.

Now I think he is doing it again. He works away a lot, which I am fine with, it's what he has to do. This week he is off abroad and that was fine, until I called him this afternoon as he had forgotten his booking in details for his car at the airport. It was only when I was speaking to him I realised the flight home was on Weds, instead of Friday like he said (and he is also meeting friends in London on Friday night so will be home on Saturday) I did comment on the fact that it said Weds not Friday but he said it was an old booking and he would be abroad until Friday. The booking was made at 1.30 this afternoon, just an hour before I ahd called him.

I texted him earlier to ask if should be worried about what he will be doing after Weds and he has replied basically saying 'he was refraining from speaking his mind for once'and also 'that he hopes we will have a loving talk about it later' Kinda criptic, but I guess he is saying that he is annoyed that I have even dared to suggest it. Now he does this turning the unreasonable behaviour onto me when he is doing something he shouldn't be...I know him very well.

Now I just feel sick and I don't know waht to do. I forgave him last time (though I can't forget) I don't think I can again

Now I am aware

Sorry, know nothing about telecoms. My mum does though - so will ask her.

Hope your boys love their playmobil. My brother used to love it - I remember he had a fort and I was quite jealous!

SHNC - sorry to hear what you have/are going through. Just to confirm that caller ID CAN show up even if they call from abroad. I have British clients ringing from Spain often on their mobiles and their number normally displays on my phone. Best of luck. I'm glad you're so busy the next couple of weeks. Let's just hope this was just work messing him (and you) about.

Perhaps then, the only way to find out is to phone him.

I have phoned him and he is abroad - phew! I can't tell you how relieved I am. So while I do think everything has been a little odd this week, I will absolve him of any wrong doing. I will still talk to him tonight though as he needs to change his secretive behaviour.

Thanks for the info ladies.

Re the bill, his mobile bill is paid for by work, so I don't think he actually gets a bill unless he asks for one. I may be being totally naive here, but since he changed companies I haven't seen a mobile bill for him.

Ladylush, they will love their playmobil DS2 has the big plane (which he went into meltdow about when DH refused to buy it in Toysrus the other week, not knowing I had bought it in a different toyshop at the same time ) and DS3 has the farm. I have instructed my mum and sister to get bits to go with it, so they are going to play happily for hours (I hope!!!)

I have visions of DS2 wanting to take his plane to school though

oh brilliant, that's a relief
I'm delighted for you

Great news!

Hurrah! Very pleased for you Now you can relax and look forward to playmobil play next week

SHNC - I haven't been able to help on anything else, but my dh has a mobile through work and we/he has never had a bill for it - either at work or home.

Prufrock, thanks, that really helps a lot

We didn't talk last night as I developed a migraine before he got home. DS3 has been coughing all night and DS2 has been in and out of our bedroom all night, but I was left to deal with them AND get up with them this morning. DH stays up til really late and of course is now too tired to get up. Again (and I don't really want to keep harping on about it, but still...) he used to stay up until the early hours texting/IMing etc to this girl.

I guess I am just feeling a little angry at him for being so secretive and not reassuring me. He hasn't mentioned our baby this week, he did ask me if I was ok, but hasn't actually said in relation to what.

Right I need to snap out of this or the weekend will not be good.

Birthday parties galore to go to this weekend - what fun!

Good morning! I haven't posted on this thread before but saw you hadn't had a reply this morning; on a morning when I bet you are feeling pretty crap; what with him not rushing to reassure you or anything. God they are pretty insensitive (blokes); it doesn't always mean they are up to something at all though; they just don't seem to have the capacity to imagine how someone else must be feeling (well, most of them anyway). I hope you do get a chance to have a solid talk with him today. After the kids go to bed maybe; as it sounds like you'll need a pretty indepth talk. After what happened before you have every right to want reassurance, openess and honesty from him. Tell him after what he did it is doubly important that he gives you openess and honesty and you are fed up of the lack of it. Would he go to a RELATE type thing with you? Trust is essential in a relationship and it's his duty as much as yours to make that happen. You want to be able to relax with the man you love, not be filled with anxiety. More important than sussing out if he is sneaking around again (though I agreee that you do need to get to the truth) is getting the lines of communication open so you trust easch other. Sorry I'm rambling, but I just feel for you.

How are you now? Did you manage to keep the weekend upbeat?

Thinking of you

Hope your weekend went well

Hi, the weekend wasn't too bad. We were so busy that it flew by!

I kind of spent Saturday feeling quite angry that he made me feel like I did last week, but we were on friendly terms (mainly because I made the effort to be) and it was ok.

I'm still not convinced about last week, but have decided to let it go for now.

He is away again tonight, back tomorrow lunchtime for DS2's school play and then off for a flight in the evening. Ho hum.

I guess you are going to be hyper-vigilant now until you get the reassurance you're after.

It sounds as if you are not entirely happy with your life. I complety understand that too.

I am sure he has a good job with lots of money and perks but is it worth all this horrid feeling.

It is up to you to make yourself happy and it sounds as if he is not really taking the time to make you feel safe and secure. If he is not doing this is he really in it for the long term?

HW, I'm sure you didn't mean for it to sound this way, but I'm not in the relationship for the lots of money and perks or the nice house and security. I am still with him because I love him and decided that love was worth a second chance. I also believe that we should work at the relationship for our childrens sake. He is a great father who loves his children very much, as do I and while he doesn't always give me the reassurance I need, I do know he cares about me.

I don't know if he was up to something last week, but he has given me details this week about hotels/flights etc, when he will and won't be home. So I guess in his own way he is trying. I haven't managed to speak to him about the phone thing, but will get around to it v soon. It has been totally manic here this past week and will be for the next week!

Like I've said before, I am willing to accept that he wasn't doing anything last week, because at the moment I can't deal with it. That's my choice and I know it may be burying my head in the sand a bit, but I am aware of it. I'm not stupid or naive and I will be keeping my eyes open.

Thank you to you all for helping. I am glad none of you are screaming at me to leave him and you all seem to understand where I am coming from here.

Sorry no i didnt mean you were with him for the money just that i am in a very similar position to you and just like you i have doubts and even question myself as to why i am still here and 'allowing' him the lifestyle to cause these down days.

We have decided as i am sure you have that the working away, long hours little daily contact is all worth it for the money/security it gives. What i am saying and looking back i think you were thinking this too is it all REALLY worth it.

You are in your relationship with this him because you love him - as i am with mine but the 'trapped' feeling is there too sometimes.

I really did not mean to offend you and hope you really do find the peace you deserve now.

This is not an easy situation and i am sure you are getting through it really well.

HW, it's ok, I wasn't offended, I knew you didn't really mean it that way.

What you say is exactly how I feel. I know he needs to work long hours and be away a lot and I know as a result we live in a nice house and for the most part are comfortable. But yes because of that, I do feel a bit trapped. My life has to revolve around his work and what he does. For example, friends have asked me to go out for a pre christmas meal and drinks next Friday, and I will go, but it depends on what time he gets home. Things like that. I would love to go back to work, only part time, but as a nurse that is impossible with him away, shift hours and no family around to help out. I do feel like my life has to take a back seat as he works to pay the mortgage. My career has been put on hold indefinately!

We are living the same life - i am only a year down the line and we have already made some life changes so that it is not all about his money. We are trapped to some extent as have opted to send the children to private school.

I too worked in the health sector and put my career on hold for his - and this is something i still to some extent resent. I have now started going back to work. It is hard but so worth it for my self esteem and sence of purpose. After all they are his children too and if i need to ask him to take time off then i do now and actually he is very good at it. He has learnt what is important in our lives and now sees work as a means to an end. We are much more like a team again and that is important for all of us in the family.

Would you be able to get a part time nanny to help you out at all? I now book babysitters for myself and 'sod' him if i want to go out - after all that is what it would have been like if he had gone.

I know it is hard but you really must try and think about your needs too. You will not be a bad mother if you leave your children with a sitter or a nanny and if you can afford it i would say do it regulary to make yourself feel human and worthwhile again.

I think as well one of the positives to come out of our situation is that i am not afraid to ask for help anymore. I have lots of friends who i will now ask (as i have very little family to ask either).
We have both had a re-think about what we really want and are able to talk about it more than we ever have.

Of course there will still be tensions from time to time about the amount of time he works and leaves us, but i also feel that i am really a valued person in the relationship and that my feeling really count too.

Feel free to cat me if you want to talk more as i firmly believe that we all sometimes need to just tell it all again and again to get over the pain and a that men are not always so good at this part of it.

I think we are leading the same life! I do ask friends to have the boys, especially for things such as parents evening etc as I just can't take the little ones. Our eldest is nearly 14 and little people + secondary school things do not go well! And saying that again, our eldest will soon be old enough to babysit from time to time. I haven't yet as they are still young and a bit unpredictable (esp DS3!) and I don't want to load that kind of responsibility on him...yet! We do have a babysitter for New Year though in the form of MIL so we will get to go out together for the first time in ages!

I think that is what is missing really, time alone together. We need to make more of an effort to do that and maybe we would begin to get to know each other again.

Oh my god we are living the same life - i have a 14 year old and a little one at nursery (just been to the nativity play today) and 2 inbetween too!!!!

We have just had our first holiday alone for 15 years and it was great. We both needed it and it was great knowing what it is that we both love about each other.

You will feel guilty about getting help but believe me you deserve it. That is why you are allowing him to have his great career to be able to afford the luxuries.

Just hang on in there and I am always here for you - one of the great things about what has happened is that i have made some great new cyber friends (something which i never thought i would do).

Take care and get the rest of this busy time out of the way but you are not alone.

How strange Too many similarities!!!

Are you also dog sitting atm? We are and he is driving me insane. He pooed on my hall floor this morning (luckily totally tiled) and I am just hoping that it was after DH left at 3.30 to go to the airport and he didn't just step over it on the way out and if it wasn't his best option would be to say it was as I won't be impressed. Especially as he left the patio doors unlocked all night and left the kitchen door open so the dog could go in there this morning!!!

Well I have to now make 40 or so small fairy cakes now.

No dog sitting much to my DDs disappointment. But i would love to just to put her off wanting a dog all the time.

Have fun with the cakes - things like that are the really important things in life arent they?