Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dropdeadfred2

I agree when i write it down it sounds bad. I have come if the apps now an HD will let things pan out . He called me just now and I'm feeling alot better about stuff. I think the fact my husband ( soon to be ex) never made me feel good enough had caused me to doubt when someone days they like me. That's very sad to admit. But I'm determined to stop obsessing. This guy is a nice guy and I'm not being fair to him . Thanks for kicking my arse...i needed it

@Dropdeadfred2

Try not to worry whether he likes you or not because it isn't within your control. You can only bring the best version of yourself to the table. He either likes it and wants to be with you or he doesn't.

You are still worthy, even if you're not his cup of tea.

While you're going through the process of getting to know eachother, keep developing other interests and passions which are not connected to relationships with other people.

Doing this keeps you grounded and gives you a value and a purpose of your own. Otherwise it can feel as if you're always chasing someone else's approval. Be your own cup of tea and it won't hurt so much when you're not someone else's 😁

@Dirtyduck - Just, wow! That's what we want.

www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/be-yourself

Some awe inspiring quotes.

Thanks @Languidleopard. 😊

So I go for a weekend away with a couple of friends and you not only make a new thread but it's already over 200 messages!!

I have a Mr Young who is very sweet and I've seen 3 times now. Not bf material but lovely to hang out with. I'm very much 'teacher' in the bedroom though.

In other news, Mr HT has been in touch, he's changed his phone number. I held back in our usual flirting, I told him I didn't have the energy for it. We are doing lunch tomorrow. That's a first, a meet where we don't end up in bed. This is a good thing.

Great news both @Dirtyduck and @MayEye, listening and proactivity are SO attractive! I realise with my prev iron that although on the surface he seemed to listen and understand, subsequent suggestions didn't really reflect that. And he never booked anything, was always left to me! Mr D is the opposite and it's so refreshing.

Try not to worry whether he likes you or not because it isn't within your control. You can only bring the best version of yourself to the table. He either likes it and wants to be with you or he doesn't.

You are still worthy, even if you're not his cup of tea.

I need to have this painted in foot-high letters somewhere in my house @Languidleopard.

Quick update - bit frustrated as Mr Printer, who referred to his shifts this week being better for arranging a first meeting, sent messages last night which appeared to suggest that he's busy all week out of work with his children. He's still chatty enough, but no indication of suggesting a 'window' to meet. I can't decide if he somehow wants me to raise it again, or if he's actually distancing himself.

As for Mr Colleague, OMG his online communication style is - well, non existent. If there's already a Mr Slow Texter then this one is Mr No Texter. Once again I sent a brief message (about something we'd talked about on the date) and it's gone into a black hole. No reply at all. He did this last week as well. So hard to read. Again I just have to wait and see how things pan out.

In possibly related news - I joined a new gym thanks to all the encouraging advice, so plan to fill the child free evenings with classes etc. But tonight - my weekly walk with the women's walking group 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

Thanks everyone for all your posts especially @Languidleopard, @BelladiMamma*,*@Heartbeats0708,@Shayelle2009, @Walkingalot, @WeWantTheFinestWines, @Iamclearlyamug and @SortingItOut, @kekyra. You've all been so helpful and i've not felt judged in the slightest for having introduced my DS to him too soon which i did. I have come to the decision that i will end things with MrE. He has been bad for my MH since he was last away and now to add to that i cannot trust him around my DS. So i'll be having a conversation with him tonight which i prefer to do f2f rather than over the phone. To be honest i actually feel relieved i'm going to be doing this. Clearly something was off and i know continuing with him would be a massive mistake as my head/heart aren't in it either. Not one part of me wants to fight for 'us.' @kerkyra you picked up on my DS not always being truthful but this tends to be with minor things like 'have you done your homework' or 'that his friends bought him ice-tea but actually it was a red-bull' (i know vile stuff) but with something like this i feel like my loyalty lies with him and he needs to feel supported. Having given him multiple chances as well to speak about what happened and just the two of us and him sticking to his story just convices me that his version seems to be the one to believe. I'm reaching out family therapist later today as i think she can help us work through some of these issues.

@Dirtyduck and @MayEye i'm so pleased things are going well with your men, seems out there in the vast ocean there are a few decent well fed-sexy-swordfish in amongst the creepy crabs and molluscs!

In other news - magnet-man has been in touch and has a new truck! I've still not come clean to any of my RL friends about his reappearance. But i'm the worst secret-keeper so i'll be having to tell someone soon!

Naimee you’ve made the right call

This thread is so cool as we can read and learn from each other
Onwards babe !

Is anyone else on tinder
I’ve rejoined and it’s spectacularly grim 😟

An ocean of men
But don’t fancy a single one

Any tips from you wise ones
Can’t work out if I’m too picky

@Naimee87 I am not mystic Meg or any sort of expert but from your posts even in the early days I felt there was something that didn't sit right with MrE. I think you're better off without him.

Maybe meet in a public place just to give you a neutral and safe space to end things?

And good luck with it, you're absolutely doing the right thing.

As for the magnet 🧲 man well I can't help you there 😂😂😂 I've been texting BeardFlake about my new Campervan daydream. It's interesting he always responds but he only ever asks me about myself once in a blue moon. I think this is him distancing himself. His messages are really sweet but they only ever focus on the subject that I've brought up. And I don't suppose he'll ever suggest meeting 😞

MrTattoo has been really communicative since we booked the gig. He's told me loads about himself and his situation with his late wife, her death 😞 and his child. As I'm writing this I realise he doesn't ask anything about me but is responsive when I tell him. I don't think he's had a lot of people in his life since she died two years ago. He says that he hasn't even told some of his friends because they'd naturally lost touch when they had babies or moved away. This is a definite amber flag and probably means he's not someone long term for me as I have a huge social and family circle and I feel more comfortable with someone else who does too.

MrGig is another non texter. He and MrDJ seem to work 6 days a week then have their kids at least EOW.

Had a couple of messages from MrItaly who always tries to be amusing / interesting but zilch interest in me and what I'm up to other than asking me how gorgeous I am?! Er, really hot and gorgeous every day mate! 😂

Now that DD is hardly going to her Dad's this dating malarkey is all a bit of a cul de sac ...!

Gah!

So I have this guy I'm interested offline, and I'll go ahead and name him Mr Redbreast.

We're both in the same boat regarding family life, we talked a lot on the school run, had a couple of meets/walks away from there too. But I felt it was one sided and it was me always initiating texts and he'd always be the one to let the chat slide.

So I read a bit of Baggage Reclaim, used the summer hols to stay away and get him out of my head and had done so successfully.

I then see him on Tinder, so I swipe left as part of my moving on, and it confirms to me that he's not interested in me as I think I've been quite obvious and he's not taken me up on it.

Back to school though.... and he's back making eye contact, making an effort to speak to me etc. And it's messing with my head. I don't know if he's seen me on Tinder, I don't pay so not sure if he's swiped right maybe (wishful thinking). Perhaps he likes our chats and is hoping we'll slip into our routine again, I just don't know!

I'm just venting though.

I'm not getting many matches on the apps either so I think the right thing to do is start away from them for a week or two and keep my head down.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Is anyone else on tinder I’ve rejoined and it’s spectacularly grim 😟

An ocean of men
But don’t fancy a single one

Any tips from you wise ones
Can’t work out if I’m too picky

This is just reminding me to take a break 😁

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes feels good to have come to this decision. Feel relieved! @BelladiMamma in the beginning i think i got like swept off my feet and rushed into this to try to forget about magnet-man so i suppose i was never in a position to really get invested. Now i know it isn't even what i wanted. I never ever thought magnet-man would come back though. I can understand your feelings for 'beard-flake' its like they are just 'so within reach but at the same time completely out of reach.' I feel in a much better place though to entertain some fun and not be attached to anyone! The temptation to go get into magnet-man's new truck is really really appealing. But whether i could take the low's again if i was to go down this road i'm just not sure.
I'm not yet ready to go on the apps, think i'll be taking a break and just enjoy this calm feeling i had before MrE came on the scene.
My DS's party is this weekend and people are actually coming! I'm always the last to get invites out as i'm the most disorganised person i know, but looks like we'll have a good turn-out! Just need good weather. But trying to convince a 12yr old that party games are still fun is proving difficult. He wants to 'hang-out/chill' for his party under a gazeebo with bean-bag chairs! I do love him (88% of the time)

It’s so grim !!!!
I am also back to checking my archived message hourly to see if my obsession has texted me
(He hasn’t )

I try to get over him though tinder but it makes
Me like him more

Get behind
Play a long game
He can flirt , you can flirt back
And see if he initiates
You have nothing to lose ?

So where do you find all your (many !) irons then Belladi ?

@Naimee87 I hope you are feeling okay about it all. A grown man should never argue with a child.
As for magnet man I'm no bloody use and won't give advice as I'm now seeing Mr Cricket next Monday 🤣😬🤦‍♀️.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

It’s so grim !!!! I am also back to checking my archived message hourly to see if my obsession has texted me (He hasn’t )

I try to get over him though tinder but it makes
Me like him more

Get behind
Play a long game
He can flirt , you can flirt back
And see if he initiates
You have nothing to lose ?

So where do you find all your (many !) irons then Belladi ?

Bumble! I live slap bang between two cities and set my filters so it captures them both. Then do a lot of manic swiping til I get to the end of the matches. Regularly get lots of likes and I can never remember whether the matches come from me first. They probably do as I snooze my profile otherwise I get too many likes (I'm not the only one to get lots of likes! But I take a good photo).

Last batch I had about 20 chats which I let go on for a week then whittled them down to 10 then deleted my profile and put them all on WhatsApp and I'd say about 5 of them are current.

I don't play any games I'm very authentic in my messaging and honest without giving my whole life details away. If I fancy someone I flirt with them and if I don't fancy them I tend to bin them off quite quickly.

I do write for a living so I think that helps in the early stages as I really don't mind firing off loads of messages

Hi all, first-time poster in this thread. Split with my DW of 10 years earlier this year, trying to get back out there. I'm finding it really hard. The online dating scene is trciky to navigate at the best of times but I have 2 kids and am feeling like nobody is interested in getting to know a guy with children.

Tempted to remove the fact I have kids in my profile, just so I have the opportunity to meet people. Any advice?

@Thisisworsethananticpated so funny because i had archived magnet-man my ever vanishing trucker to avoid beady eye's seeing his texts popping up. Now i've archived MrE and unarchived magnet-man! Feels so good! But who know's how long till he slips down the list. i've learned though no matter what happens the way 'we' are will play-out how it plays-out and either i accept it or i get rid for good. We had many weeks of silence and part of me is already 'prepared' for it to happen again. But for now i'm happy to play games with him, entertain his messages but as for meeting up this won't be a suggestion i'll make. If he asks who know's what will happen.
@Isitreallyme177 thanks for thinking of me! I'm actually feeling fine! Slept so well, got my work-out in this morning and met with my toughest manager whose back from holidays. I'm wondering whether a few weeks down the line i'll miss MrE as we were in constant contact really. And had made plans for my flat moving furniture around and also a possible trip in October. It's definitely these types of things where it'd be nice to have a partner around to do them with. But i'm not settling for a partner i don't want just so i have someone to do these things with. As for MrCricket you seem to be in a calmer head-space now even if he is on your mind. I guess some people will always have a 'lasting effect' on us that we can't shake. I'm hoping you have a really good week now with this court-case over and a 'sexy' new boxing coach you can grab whenever you feel like it for a session!

Myname

I’m actively targeting single dads ! Most of us here are also single mums
My status says it and I get a lot of (albeit fucking ropey !) likes

My logic is (a) similar needs , (b) similar availability etc (c) mural alignment that kids do have to come first

I don’t buy the ‘all the good men are taken ‘ line
50% of marriages end in divorce
There is a horny single dad out there for me
Just need to find him !!

Ok Belladi, maybe it’s time to switch to bumble
Tinders DEpresses me !!
I don’t want to be dismissive about tattooed roofers with very aggressive profile statements ….. but ……

@Mynameisbetter hello! Welcome! So good to have a man's 'voice' on here and hear how the other side of the OLD world works 'or doesn't My opinion is its better to be upfront rather than 'hide' such a big part of your life. However if you choose not to add this to your profile and do end up with a good match/connection and conversation/chat moves beyond the 'hello/flake' stage you should open up rather quickly about them. Saves getting involved in something that may not go anywhere as kids could be deal-breaker.

I too like the single dad profiles! I have put that I have kids. I did match with one guy but he's not messaged, he doesn't have kids so I imagine I'm maybe not what he's looking for, but I can't change that as my kids are going nowhere.

It's tricky, I don't mind the idea of a partner without, but I do like the ones with kids as you have that in common.

I wrote mine to make it clear I'm not looking for a father to my kids though.

@Mynameisbetter

Hi all, first-time poster in this thread. Split with my DW of 10 years earlier this year, trying to get back out there. I'm finding it really hard. The online dating scene is trciky to navigate at the best of times but I have 2 kids and am feeling like nobody is interested in getting to know a guy with children.

Tempted to remove the fact I have kids in my profile, just so I have the opportunity to meet people. Any advice?

Hi

Don't remove the kids thing. I got talking to a guy once. Really nice. Arranging to meet and then he said he had a 3 yo son he had 50/50.

It isn't for me. I can just about be bothered with my sisters kids let alone someone else's.

It maybe harder but you'll save a lot of time by leaving it on there.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

It’s so grim !!!! I am also back to checking my archived message hourly to see if my obsession has texted me (He hasn’t )

I try to get over him though tinder but it makes
Me like him more

Get behind
Play a long game
He can flirt , you can flirt back
And see if he initiates
You have nothing to lose ?

So where do you find all your (many !) irons then Belladi ?

Thanks. I think that's going to have to be it. It does mess with my head a bit, but I'm feeling a lot more in control of it.

Get behind
At least he is real life ! So what was his last encounter with you exactly ?