Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

RunningRai
Moist pie 😂
I don’t know what I’d say to that actually
I’d be shocked !!!

@RunningRain

Hi Wonder if could join this thread. I'm new to dating well over 40 and need advice/tips badly or at least ppl to talk to in same boat. Had a few dates (3) with Mr Lobster. He seems ok so far he's chatty. He's been away this wknd and told me he's looking forward to seeing me and my moist pie ( he sent me a photo of a steak pie, I told him it looked dry) He then said he prefers moist ones too!! And said about my moist pie. Not even sure what to say or reply with. Part of me thinks ewww... in fact I don't think there isn't a part of me that doesn't think e[[//www...it's]] not exactly the most turn me on phrase

This this normal dating talk, I am just naive

There's no "normal dating talk", people are all different.

He's obviously trying to flirt crudely. If it doesn't float your boat that's fine. He's just making a joke. It wouldn't do anything for me but I'd just ignore it if it was the first occurrence of this sort of thing.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

BelladiMamma Your ex sounds sociopathic ? Mine actually had a good summer with their dad But maybe because I was on the verge of a breakdown when they left , and not the funnest mum A year of school refusal does break a woman Somewhat !!!

Yes. We don't really know how or what to label him with. The kids think he has mental health problems. Which is likely, and sad, because I gave him every chance to try to get better but he's not a cooperative person so ... never got anywhere. I won't fill the thread with the crap he's done but you could make a wild guess at some godawful behaviour and he'd probably fit the bill. 23 years together and 20 years of marriage 🤦🏻‍♀️... which I used to wear like a badge of honour and now I just think 🤔 wtaf 😳

@RunningRain - It was a double entendre but even so, eww. However, you've had a few dates so was it an incredibly inappropriate awkward way of upping the stakes?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

BelladiMamma Your ex sounds sociopathic ? Mine actually had a good summer with their dad But maybe because I was on the verge of a breakdown when they left , and not the funnest mum A year of school refusal does break a woman Somewhat !!!

And yes this year has been soooo hard. I hope you're on the mend now?

@MayEye great update!
@Languidleopard this shows some promise!! He might be a slow burn ...

@BelladiMamma - Do you ever think that you would have ended things sooner if you'd got help on here or opened up to someone in real life? I personally kept it well hidden.

@Heartbeats0708 also sounds very promising
@Iamclearlyamug yay for more good updates

@Walkingalot I spent a lot of my time defending him, as his parents are utterly vile to him so I felt he needed 'rescuing' from them and that with my love and generosity (emotional, social, financial, sexual) he'd somehow miraculously heal and become the wonderful person that only I knew he was ... we were young, he had a nice face and an even nicer bum, I was foolish and in lust ... what can I say. We learn these lessons late in life ....

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - Do you ever think that you would have ended things sooner if you'd got help on here or opened up to someone in real life? I personally kept it well hidden.[/quote]
And sorry to hear that you loved through something similar

@SortingItOut, @BelladiMamma, @Isitreallyme177, @Shayelle2009, @Walkingalot i’m very confused… my DS knew that we weren’t simply friends anymore and this is entirely my fault for moving too fast again! It’s changed the dynamics am i’m welcoming the next few days without him to get my thoughts back on track. The whole thing is just bizarre its thrown my people-judging skills and trust in my DS out the window which just confirms i’m not ready for a relationship. Appreciate all your posts to help get through this, i’ve only chatted through the details with one friend IRL and even she’s know clue what to do and she know’s us all well!
go @Iamclearlyamug! and @MayEye

I’ve still not caught up with the thread but will be caught up tomorrow! Thanks for all your comments! Means so much to be able to chat through everything on here! xox

@Dropdeadfred2 What if he is busy or out with friends/family and can't speak freely?
Would you normally ring him?
Why does him not answering drive you crazy?

This is starting to sound like an unhealthy obsession, do you have underlying issues from past relationships?

I dipped into this thread and was amused by some of the names - Mr Polish, Mr Fencing, Mr Lumberjack and so on, and the I saw this -

'he's looking forward to seeing me and my moist pie'

Lol @RunningRain

Are you looking forward to seeing his banana, courgette.......or pickle? XD

Sounds like a tricky one if it's disrupted your relationship with your son too @Naimee87 definitely tread carefully. My dc don't know about Mr D yet and although I appreciate it's a tricky balancing act esp when DC's father isn't involved, I think it's sensible to keep some distance.
@RunningRain it could well be crude flirting as @VanGoghsDog said, I'd have to clarify but make a joke out of it in case he thought it was anything other than funny!

I agree when i write it down it sounds bad. I have come if the apps now an HD will let things pan out . He called me just now and I'm feeling alot better about stuff.

I think the fact my husband ( soon to be ex) never made me feel good enough had caused me to doubt when someone days they like me. That's very sad to admit. But I'm determined to stop obsessing. This guy is a nice guy and I'm not being fair to him . Thanks for kicking my arse...i needed it

@MayEye

New thread and 160 posts already! Update from me- not long back from my weekend away with Mr Lumberjack and it was amazing! He picked me up en route, he had booked a fab hotel, we had dinner and drinks Friday night, spent all day Saturday on a hike around a gorgeous coastal walk, went to the city last night and had a lovely meal and lunch today beside the sea and a walk around the harbour. He planned all of it, picked the places we went to because he knew I would like them because he actually listened to stuff I told him!

When I matched with him I was not sure I would fancy’s him but I liked what he had written on his profile and he had a lovely dog so I went the first date assuming I wouldn’t be seeing him again. But he is funny, kind, generous, asks questions, listens to the answers, has a stable home life, close family, loads of friends - no red flags yet!
He knows I can’t see him often, it doesn’t seem to phase him, he already has asked to see me on my next child free weekend and has made suggestions about what we can do again.
Heading for smitten

Great update @MayEye.

Having someone really listen to me and what I liked that do and then planning stuff on that basis would make me feel 😍😍😍😍😍😍 too😊 Enjoy!

P.s. Bonus points for having a cute dog 😁

@Dropdeadfred2

I agree when i write it down it sounds bad. I have come if the apps now an HD will let things pan out . He called me just now and I'm feeling alot better about stuff. I think the fact my husband ( soon to be ex) never made me feel good enough had caused me to doubt when someone days they like me. That's very sad to admit. But I'm determined to stop obsessing. This guy is a nice guy and I'm not being fair to him . Thanks for kicking my arse...i needed it

But it's also what a lot of us go through. The apps can be hellish as you connect and get your hopes up.

Just stay present with your emotions and see where you're at. Be kind to yourself and remember that no one has the rule book (other than this thread's fantastic rules of course)!

[quote Naimee87]**@SortingItOut, @BelladiMamma, @Isitreallyme177, @Shayelle2009, @Walkingalot i’m very confused… my DS knew that we weren’t simply friends anymore and this is entirely my fault for moving too fast again! It’s changed the dynamics am i’m welcoming the next few days without him to get my thoughts back on track. The whole thing is just bizarre its thrown my people-judging skills and trust in my DS out the window which just confirms i’m not ready for a relationship. Appreciate all your posts to help get through this, i’ve only chatted through the details with one friend IRL and even she’s know clue what to do and she know’s us all well!
go @Iamclearlyamug! and @MayEye[/quote]
Sending you a virtual hug @Naimee87.

I think Mr E has put you on a really difficult position. Whatever happened with your son Mr E is the adult in the situation. Feeling like you can't trust your son is a horrible situation.

Sometimes it takes situations like this to happen for people to show who they really are, but I'm sorry you are having to deal with this now

[quote BelladiMamma]@Walkingalot I spent a lot of my time defending him, as his parents are utterly vile to him so I felt he needed 'rescuing' from them and that with my love and generosity (emotional, social, financial, sexual) he'd somehow miraculously heal and become the wonderful person that only I knew he was ... we were young, he had a nice face and an even nicer bum, I was foolish and in lust ... what can I say. We learn these lessons late in life ....[/quote]
@BelladiMamma your post really resonated with me 😔

This is exactly how I felt about my XH and his estranged family. That if I could only be nicer, kinder, more patient, more loving I could somehow cure him and magic him into fulfilling the potential only I knew he had. It took me years to finally see the light!

Thanks @BelladiMamma. I think i just need to accept that he likes me. We just chatted and he mentioned lots of places we should go.. including a foreign holiday. Perhaps he is laid back because he's confident things are going well... when I'm with him im cool and collected... its just when it fits over a couple of days with no contact i feel sad.. like he's not thinking of me. I just need to stop overthinking

[quote Dropdeadfred2]@Languidleopard... that doesn't sound a bad date to be fair... do you think you could fancy him??[/quote]
@Dropdeadfred2 objectively he's an attractive bloke, just not the type I usually go for. So yes, if we meet again I think I probably could.

I'm a bit wary of very intense chemistry because it usually spells trouble for me tbh 😬

[quote Walkingalot]@Thisisworsethananticpated - Oh yeah! Three months this time! Due to Brexit, he can only return every 3 mths to the country he's in. Once he got a job here, he arranged to stay with a mate but even they couldn't hack him and told him to leave! We jointly own the house, which means I can't kick him out. It was awful. He always has been a useless DF. He doesn't do anything with our DS, buy him b'day or Xmas presents, pleading poverty (while he lives the life of Riley abroad). My DS loves him though and I try not to let my anger and resentment overflow to him.
@Languidleopard - If he likes you it wont matter if you're the 1st or 101st. I like your attitude though. Have you sent or received a follow up msg?[/quote]
@Walkingalot I've sent him a link to a book we talked about and thanked him for a nice afternoon. No response yet but his nickname isn't Mr Slow Texter for nothing...😆

Some really positive updates from people which is lovely to see.

MrMud asked if I'd like to stay at his next weekend and go to a nearby posh restaurant on saturday night. within 5 minutes of agreeing he had booked a table and offered to pick me up/drop me off. I'm really not used to this kind of attention and thoughtfulness, it really takes me by surprise every time...but I'm loving it!

@Dirtyduck

Some really positive updates from people which is lovely to see.

MrMud asked if I'd like to stay at his next weekend and go to a nearby posh restaurant on saturday night. within 5 minutes of agreeing he had booked a table and offered to pick me up/drop me off. I'm really not used to this kind of attention and thoughtfulness, it really takes me by surprise every time...but I'm loving it!

It's great!! Enjoy!!