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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

992 replies

Shayelle2009 · 04/09/2021 09:15

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
VanGoghsDog · 12/09/2021 16:09

Well, Tinder is throwing up some literal throw up!

Matched with a guy who says he's a GP, 52, good sense of humour, true gent, looking to meet up and see where it takes us. Sounds cool.

His message to me? "Are you a naughty girl, I do hope so".

Sigh.

Another one, says he's good conversationalist, no baggage, looking to see where things go.

Message to me? "I'm looking for adult fun, hope you are too. I'm free tonight if you are".

(My profile says nothing about adult fun)

So there you have it. I did Tinder research. For science. And it damaged me!

I have 27 live matches who have not approached me (given the above, I'd rather they didn't bother). The two above and six stalled chats. Yawn.

MrWG came round unexpectedly Wednesday. Which was nice, but also annoying. He texted (he knows I have two hours off in the middle of the day on a Wed and he's been away nearly three weeks, so to be fair he did message and come and see me literally as soon as he was able to) to see if I'd like him to "pop round for a couple of hours", I was off swimming so said I'd be home at one, work mtg around two. He said he'd come over for one. Arrived about one fifteen. Shenanigans happened. All good.

I went back to working and he hung around, he'd brought his laptop so he worked too, I heard him on a call saying he was be "available a bit later this evening" to someone, he set up my new sound bar and evicted a few spiders. I finished work about four, bit after, we chatted, I watched something on TV while he did a few things on his phone.

Shenanigans happened again, I made a comment about not having "play time" because we never have enough time and he said "well, I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere". At some point I said I was hungry, he asked what I wanted to do (I have food in but had no idea he was coming so hadn't really thought about feeding him) and by then it was eight forty five, so got something from the local shop. Came back, cooked, ate it, bed, more shenanigans, sleep. Asked him what time he needed to leave, he said about eight. He brought me tea in the morning and left about ten past nine.

Anyway - it does my fucking head in not knowing what the fuck is fucking going on! I thought he was coming round for an hour!
Then I had to feed him. He didn't bring an overnight bag, then stayed.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd he ecstatic if he never left, but I need some sort of bloody idea what is happening.
It's all very well him playing it by ear, or deciding on the fly or whatever the fuck he is doing, but it annoys me to death. Had I known he was staying I'd have sorted food out earlier and we could have had something nicer.

I'm going to have to have weirds, and probably apply some sanction (he likes that). /End rant

Meanwhile guy in walking group has asked me to a gig and dinner beforehand. Which I've agreed to. End Sept.

VanGoghsDog · 12/09/2021 16:14

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

It's not specific to drug and alcohol use, they just find it occurs a lot in those settings.

I think the only thing that poster meant was that you do have a bit of a tendency to think your life is harder, different to everyone else's, impossible for other people to understand etc. You come to a support/advice thread then tell people who have oodles of experience that your situation is different. And, sadly, it's not really.

Very well done on fronting it out with MrGambit, he needs to put his money where his mouth is. But do try to remember that literally everything he's ever said to you could be lies.

I hope he comes back and wants a meet up, and that he's lovely.

Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 12/09/2021 16:16

Tinder is horrible. Most of my matches are eighteen and nineteen year olds. No thank you! Can't imagine dating a teenager. There's always these 'real life' stories in magazines about these older women who date younger men and I always find them all so cringey! 😂😂

VanGoghsDog · 12/09/2021 16:19

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Tinder is horrible. Most of my matches are eighteen and nineteen year olds. No thank you! Can't imagine dating a teenager. There's always these 'real life' stories in magazines about these older women who date younger men and I always find them all so cringey! 😂😂
Totally cringey. In my forties I shagged a 22yo. Totally not worth it. Stamina but zero technique, plenty of go, but nothing for me. No conversation between sessions. And when he left he asked me for hair gel!
BelladiMamma · 12/09/2021 16:24

@VanGoghsDog hair gel 😂😂😂

Love it

Thanks for the tinder research ... I think I will just draw the line at trying to figure out how the hell to delete my POF profile later 😂

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 12/09/2021 16:26

[quote VanGoghsDog]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

It's not specific to drug and alcohol use, they just find it occurs a lot in those settings.

I think the only thing that poster meant was that you do have a bit of a tendency to think your life is harder, different to everyone else's, impossible for other people to understand etc. You come to a support/advice thread then tell people who have oodles of experience that your situation is different. And, sadly, it's not really.

Very well done on fronting it out with MrGambit, he needs to put his money where his mouth is. But do try to remember that literally everything he's ever said to you could be lies.

I hope he comes back and wants a meet up, and that he's lovely.[/quote]
@VanGoghsDog thank you for clearing that up. I was just a bit shocked that most the results came from alcohol and drug addiction websites!

I of course know I'm not the only disabled person ever. though it does feel like that sometimes!

I'm prepared for everything to be all lies. I've already been though that with my ex, who is the only person I've ever loved, and I know I'm going to go though it all again at some point.

I don't know if he's ever going to want to meet me. ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 12/09/2021 16:29

@VanGoghsDog oh dear, he sounds like a keeper! 😂😂🤣🤣❤️

Misty9 · 12/09/2021 16:30

In my experience, tinder research is just boring as most matches don't ever actually initiate messaging. And if I do, it's like pulling teeth if they do reply. Hmm, maybe I'll not bother!

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 12/09/2021 16:56

[quote Earlgrey19]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sending sympathy about being scared, and having been hurt. I’ve been there, I am there, and many of us have, and are, I think. But FWIW, though there needs to be equal give & take, just because he doesn’t say ‘how high?’ when you ask him to jump doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you, or isn’t serious. I mean, unless he’s being actually flakey.

So (intake of breath) Dr Sends Pics of Himself in Scrubs has got in touch after 2 days of no messaging to ask if I’m in London (I said earlier in the week I would be today — he lives in Lon, I don’t — and I suggested a date, he said he’s tied up at least until the evening. I said I think I’m free in eve, but he didn’t follow up). I wonder if, as @SpringlikeBunk warned he might, he tries to casually lure me to him at the end of the evening. I won’t be agreeing to that. Don’t know what to make of him. I might possibly be on his back burner. He’s quite attractive, though! (Giving myself a talking to about not standing for flakes/players…)[/quote]
@Earlgrey19 only saw this post today. apologies for the late reply. I'm scared as I had a bad experience with my ex, who I also met though OLD.

I don't know weather he's being a flake or not. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not contact him. I just can't be bothered to talk to other guys at the moment. Most of my matches are teenagers, I kid you not, and I just think 'no just no!' ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 12/09/2021 16:58

@Earlgrey19 sometimes I feel like I'm doing most of the giving. The last person I had an equal give and take relationship with was my ex. He ended up being a bastard, and lying, and making me feel absolute crap, but was always consistent with messages ❤️

Isitreallyme177 · 12/09/2021 17:53

Well I'm absolutely bloody knackered. I'm sat on the sofa with a tube of pringles for dinner. I've spent the day out doing watersports and eating cake with the Brownies. I managed to find two minutes to message Mr Cricket about tomorrow so that's all confirmed. Now I shall watch Harry Potter 😂.

MayEye · 12/09/2021 17:55

This weekend is my one with kids so no dates for me.
Looking forward to Friday when I go to Mr L’s house for the weekend - he lives in a lovely part of the country near the coast and he has planned walks and dinners….and he mentioned I might meet his brother who he is really close to (nervous about that bit!)

I haven’t been in touch with him much over the weekend bit as both busy but that’s fine as he said he will call me tomorrow and I know he will. I still can believe that someone can actually be this consistent and keen to see me! Long may it last Grin
I think the test will come next month when it looks like we cannot see each other for a number of weeks, maybe a month because of family stuff I already have on and ex being difficult about taking kids because he is moving house. I hope he will be ok about this but it’s the reality of our long distance, me with kids situation, that we have to navigate if we want to keep things going.
I do have a social occasion with my family(not my kids) in a month that I could bring him to, but I don’t know if I am ready for that and also meeting all of my sisters and BIL’s plus friends in one go could scare him off altogether Grin We will talk about it next week I guess

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/09/2021 17:57

Languidleopard , I’m very envious of your carnal time
And as for
want to ask him 'what are your feelings towards me? Do you really want to date me?
That’s seems to be A very common problem with dating really ! Most of my single friends have this question also xxx and we never ask them (well I don’t !)

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/09/2021 17:59

Misty9
I’ve deleted tinder
Terrible terrible thing it is !!!!

I was seeing that some people are getting more
From websites where people pay
I’d tend to agree that it increases the odds a bit

Tinder so it useful if you are horny and want to sext
And even that’s hit and miss

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/09/2021 18:00

Isitreallyme177

Enjoy 😉 your date !!!!

MayEye · 12/09/2021 18:03

The normal ones I ended up dating properly were all from tinder. The sexty looking for ‘fun’ ones were all on POF!

kerkyra · 12/09/2021 18:38

That's the same for me MayEye, nice and normal from tinder but the strange ones are from pof. That's if I ever get a reply on Pof,I think for every ten messages I send out I get about one reply( i keep myself hidden on there or i get all sort of wrong potatoes).

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/09/2021 18:39

Maybe it’s London ?
There are so many people you get lost
Or I’m just unlucky !

Isitreallyme177 · 12/09/2021 18:41

@Thisisworsethananticpated thanks although I like to call it a non-date coffee date at the moment😂.

FireandBrimstone · 12/09/2021 18:43

Just spotted this on social media.

I may add it to my OLD profile pics...

Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes
BelladiMamma · 12/09/2021 18:46

@FireandBrimstone

Just spotted this on social media.

I may add it to my OLD profile pics...

Just for the hell of it I've messaged a fish guy on POf

I mean, my cousin's FB profile is of him holding a fish and he is actually one of the best catches around (no pun intended)

Languidleopard · 12/09/2021 19:05

@FireandBrimstone

Just spotted this on social media.

I may add it to my OLD profile pics...

@FireandBrimstone 🤣 There was a guy on Bumble last night with not one, not two but three pictures of him holding various large fish - I kid you not!
ibelieveinmirrorballs · 12/09/2021 19:06

I know everyone's experience is different, but for me - Tinder/Bumble/Hinge... all different versions of the same thing; just more of them on TInder. POF - just complete overwhelm from the bottom of life's DNA barrel. Weirdly I've had some good chats and connections this time around from OKC and really like the questions function and the fact you just get so much more information about someone before matching/chatting.

There's a definite decrease in the number of fish clutchers/drugged tiger cubs on OKC too.

Shayelle2009 · 12/09/2021 19:08

Army boy had a giant fish… my old most favourite iron ever had giant fish… I try and overlook the fish pics 🥴

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 12/09/2021 19:18

Can I have a Covid handhold please?

My DD seems to have got worse on day 9 of her illness. Chesty cough, asthma symptoms including breathlessness. Also she smells really odd.

Obviously I'll call the 111 service or 999 if she's has a bad breathless episode but I wondered if anyone had experience of this after so many days ill? The smell one is really odd. Like a rotten smell 😞 even straight after her bath.

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