Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Stayingstrongish

Enjoying reading all your updates. I’ve met someone on Bumble now - let’s call him Mrsingledad. We had a chat for an hour and a half on the phone last night and have a lot in common. Kids similar ages and I like that he sees his regularly. He has some health issues but that doesn’t put me off. Going to try meeting him in real life next weekend, feeling dead nervous about it but also excited! Will be my first date in over 15 years.

@Stayingstrongish sending you some ❤ for your first date zero in a while. I was in a similar position to you and be reassured it's a bit like riding a bike - you never forget how to do it, even if you're a bit rusty at first 😆

Thanks for your support @BelladiMamma. It felt so nice to speak to someone who seemed genuinely interested in me as a person… my ex just goes on about himself and his new hobby nowadays (I see him as we co-parent). Fingers crossed the date goes well. Love hearing about all of yours!

Thank you @Languidleopard, will see if I can remember how to flirt!

@BelladiMamma

I don't know if there is one...

I'm a bit wary of dating another disabled person. I actually have chatted to some on OLD and the only thing that usually comes up that we have in common is the disability. I wouldn't want to spend a date just talking about being disabled ❤️

@Stayingstrongish also sending lots of good luck and positive vibes for your date zero! Hope you have fun, and remember you've got this! ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

'He probably got back in touch for a ego boost, regardless of what he told you.'

Wow, @Orangelady32! You sound absolutely lovely. (!)

@BelladiMamma don't worry, I know you all don't have a problem with me. I was referring specifically to OrangeLady.

Oh, do you mean like a newbie dating thread or a dating with health conditions thread? That's a cool idea. I'll look into that ❤️

@Orangelady32 doesn't have a problem with you. Neither does Eesha. It's quite possible he did get back in touch for an ego boost. We've all been there - it's not a judgement on you, it's just a frequent occurrence in dating of any sort

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

'He probably got back in touch for a ego boost, regardless of what he told you.'

Wow, @Orangelady32! You sound absolutely lovely. (!)

@BelladiMamma don't worry, I know you all don't have a problem with me. I was referring specifically to OrangeLady.

Oh, do you mean like a newbie dating thread or a dating with health conditions thread? That's a cool idea. I'll look into that ❤️

Yes that sort of thread and possibly a site? Something where you have a wider perspective

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I WhatsApped Mr Gambit yesterday about meeting up (even though I'm still scared) and he hasn't replied, even though he's read my message, and been online since then.

I'm feeling a bit angry with him. I want to ask him what the point of getting back in touch with me was! What's fucking me off is he suggested going for coffee so I don't see why he can't just write a short message back just saying yes or no. We used to talk all the time when we were first taking so I don't get it.

Of course, he might of met someone else, but he's always mentioned when he's been talking to other girls to me. We last talked yesterday morning, and he didn't mention anything like that.

I asked my mum for advice and she told me not to message him for a few days, or call him. I want to call him and shout at him, to be honest. I thought he wanted to start afresh with me but I was clearly wrong about that.

You can all say 'I told you so' if you like

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Well done for being brave and taking a step forward with Mr Gambit 🙂

You've taken a risk. Unfortunately, you may now discover that he was happy penpalling and keeping your relationship in the virtual realm, and you never find out why. It may be because he's more interested in someone else on his bench right now or it may be that he has his own issues and insecurities around meeting up IRL.

If he doesn't reply, it's in him not you. It's not about your worthiness or value. It's not a good use of energy to feel angry at him; at this stage if your relationship he owes you nothing.

I'm with your Mum on the not contacting. Give him some time and space to digest your wish to move things into IRL, remembering he's probably feeling nervous and insecure too. Definitely do not shout at him!

Keep yourself occupied with doing nice interesting stuff just for you. Connect with a friend. Read a book. Treat yourself to a new lippy or similar and keep reminding yourself how fabulous you are 😁

FireandBrimstone thank you.
onwards it was mentioned in an earlier thread to get therapy or counselling.I would forget dating at the moment.

@BelladiMamma @Eesha apologised for what she said. I've accepted her apology.

I feel a bit silly for this. I know he probably doesn't care for me. Yesterday I even started missing my ex boyfriend, who for all his faults, would always reply to messages and was proactive about dates.

He did the same sort of job as Mr Gambit, but in a college.

Sometimes I think If I would have just made my ex happy, I wouldn't be in this mess.

I've never found another man like that since. Mr Gambit made an effort on the dating sites, but since we've been beck on WhatsApp, nothing has moved forward with arranging a date. I want to ask him 'what are your feelings towards me? Do you really want to date me?'

But I'm trying not to contact him, so I won't. ❤️

A quick update from me.

Whatsapped Mr Slow Texter this morning asking if he wanted us meet up again IRL. So far, tumbleweed. Message has been delivered but not read. I'm expecting a thanks but no thanks about 10pm tonight.

I unsnoozed Bumble last night. Matched and messaged with a new potential and we've exchanged a couple of texts. I'm going to call him Mr Tall as he is 6 foot 5 (allegedly😆) He also has the same first name as Mr Slow Texter, and it's not even a very common name 🤔

In other news I met up again Mr Breadcrumbs yesterday at my suggestion and he surprised me by getting tickets to an exhibition I mentioned. After spending a pleasant hour or so browsing we had lunch together and went back to his where things got physical. We didn't DTD but I did end up wearing his T shirt and not much else 😳

I feel OK about it at the moment. It's hard though to keep a check on my heart because we really enjoy eachother's company, make eachother laugh and everything feels so easy between us. Plus he's super hot!

We spoke tenuously about FWB yesterday and how we might negotiate it. I'm seriously considering it but only if I can accept it is not going to be the back door to a relationship with him. Because it won't be.

Just a rant about over familiar new irons on the first message shortening your name....imagine my name is Emily and he says" Hi Ems". Rant over, hope everyone is having a good day.

Made me lol...an iron just told me " I'm not that fat". He came back after and had misspelt and meant not that "far".

@Languidleopard thank you for your message. I needed to hear that.

I'm not going to shout at him, don't worry. I know he has a similar dating history to myself in that he hasn't dated in a long time, so he could be feeling nervous.

I'm going to do as suggested and not contact him for a bit. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@bangheadhere40

Made me lol...an iron just told me " I'm not that fat". He came back after and had misspelt and meant not that "far".

😂😂🤣❤️

@Languidleopard

A quick update from me.

Whatsapped Mr Slow Texter this morning asking if he wanted us meet up again IRL. So far, tumbleweed. Message has been delivered but not read. I'm expecting a thanks but no thanks about 10pm tonight.

I unsnoozed Bumble last night. Matched and messaged with a new potential and we've exchanged a couple of texts. I'm going to call him Mr Tall as he is 6 foot 5 (allegedly😆) He also has the same first name as Mr Slow Texter, and it's not even a very common name 🤔

In other news I met up again Mr Breadcrumbs yesterday at my suggestion and he surprised me by getting tickets to an exhibition I mentioned. After spending a pleasant hour or so browsing we had lunch together and went back to his where things got physical. We didn't DTD but I did end up wearing his T shirt and not much else 😳

I feel OK about it at the moment. It's hard though to keep a check on my heart because we really enjoy eachother's company, make eachother laugh and everything feels so easy between us. Plus he's super hot!

We spoke tenuously about FWB yesterday and how we might negotiate it. I'm seriously considering it but only if I can accept it is not going to be the back door to a relationship with him. Because it won't be.

Well, from the sidelines I'm rather delighted you're getting some action but I hear you ... tread carefully with MrBreadcrumbs 💗

Delighted for you too, @Languid 😀❤️😘😘

Update from me... I'm having a chilled day today after a hectic weekend... bought a car in friday... had meal out with my 3 daughters yesterday... dashed to shops today and bought some boots..i had a call from my guy which was unexpected and nice. Now going to do nothing but pamper myself ... hope you are all well???

Research you say @BelladiMamma..? Well in that case...

I'm enjoying living vicariously through you all while I overdo it after being really poorly for the last few days. It's so nice to feel better that I'm doing all the jobs I haven't been able to do - including fitting a blind in my ds bedroom, of which I am ridiculously proud .

Still in contact with Mr runner but we've agreed now isn't the right time, given what else he's got going on. I'm not quite sure if that means I'm a free agent...

@Misty9

Research you say *@BelladiMamma*..? Well in that case...

I'm enjoying living vicariously through you all while I overdo it after being really poorly for the last few days. It's so nice to feel better that I'm doing all the jobs I haven't been able to do - including fitting a blind in my ds bedroom, of which I am ridiculously proud .

Still in contact with Mr runner but we've agreed now isn't the right time, given what else he's got going on. I'm not quite sure if that means I'm a free agent...

@Misty9

Hi all, I decided to message as I m learning so much from you, thank you for that. I did post some questions before but thought I will share some experiences thinking maybe it will help someone. I am on Bumble, Hinge and POF and OMG it is so hard!! I have plenty of matches on Bumble and few chats "going" and by going I mean mainly Im waiting on a reply to make a conversation 😭 Hinge was good at the beginning but again almost a graveyard, POF is my newest one and last msg I got was am I on detox as I don't drink! Im like what have I done to you to be mean, I don't drink as I don't like to be unwell around my children?? Honestly what happen to the world??

Thanks @BelladiMamma I keep telling myself I'm only borrowing him and to live in the moment and just go with the flow.

I'm not sure how realistic that is in the long term. Kind of like being presented with the most delicious slice of cake and only being able to have tiny nibbles every couple of weeks or so. Hence his name!

I need to learn how to do that.... ❤️