Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh my. I have snoozed Bumble, went on POF. Its.... a bit wild!

The Wild West of dating

@Getbehindme

Yeh, I think as you don't have that "initial pre-screen" with the swiping/matching the Inbox page can look a bit....interesting.....?

That said, one thing I've learned is THE CREEPS AND DEGENERATES ARE EVERYWHERE.

And sometimes they come in nicer presentation.

I got a "free trial offer" from Elite Singles and have had zero temptation to use it.

@MayEye

The Wild West of dating

I was thinking about what you said earlier about using POF when bored. I think, although nuts, it's for a bit of fun and practice messaging as I'm feeling very out of practice!

I too am very busy on POF 😂

People seem a bit more open to chatting there rather than the interminable waiting on bumble

Totally agree with you @SpringlikeBunk. He didn’t contact me. His unexpected message earlier today ended with “So are you in London today?”. I said yes and described what I was doing, but didn’t suggest meeting up as I thought that was his move now. I had asked would you like to meet Sat, earlier in the week . He sent brief reply to me this afternoon, again nothing about meeting. I’ve left it. Not chasing! It may be a back burner strategy from him, or he may lack confidence/ want the effort to come from me; I can’t quite work which.

@Earlgrey19

Yeh I've decided that last minute meets are too much hard work (though I know some people feel Ok with them?) as I like to look forward to meeting, plan my outfits, settle my nerves, plan transport etc?

Maybe after there's a bond and you can be more "spontaneous" then fair enough

but for a "nervous first meet" having to watch my phone/move location is just an absolute 'mare - even if the meet is good in person and the guy is charming, it doesn't bode well for the future.

@Earlgrey19 that kind of communication drives me insane. The fact that it's clear you've asked about the Saturday and he's not indicated one way or the other, but then tantalisingly been in contact and asked about Saturday but not directly asking to meet. I'd be tempted to bin someone off for that kind of thing because it causes me too much anxiety and rarely improves.

In recent weeks I have found the period between the "this is going well, shall we meet up sometime?" exchange and anything actually being firmed up beyond that really bloody frustrating. Men going quiet afterwards, being vague about it, or the last time it happened, deathly silence for 9 days before sending me messages as though nothing had happened and trying to work out when I might next be in town. FFS.

I'm very nervous about my Thursday date - it's my first one in almost a year and I'm feeling very out of practice.

Well done @dancemom if something feels off it’s definitely better to cut it off at the pass. This thread is such a massive support, I love the collective wisdom on here.

I decided to come off pof. The 2 day excursion on there was quite fun but I want to steer clear of apps in general going forward. Don’t like the culture of them and I’d rather be bored and have nothing than always trying to find someone on there. I said goodbye to Army boy as we were getting on and were chatting the whole time but he’s too far away.. did feel a tiny pang saying bye then deleting, as first decent person I’ve chatted to in months. But I feel strangely lifted like… there is someone decent out there who seemed to be interested, it gave me a little boost ☺️💖

@SpringlikeBunk you always write something that has me chuckling; “You're not committing to ten years writing letters to him in a warzone, it's just a date”
😂😂

So much to catch up on but this stuck out @Campariontherocks haha, i read your name so fast i wanted to type ‘i’ll totally be your companion on the rocks’ 🤩! Well i could well have ADHD i’ve never been tested but would explain a fair bit.

Nothing really to report on MrE we are still chatting and have met for a drink and talked again, not defined what we are which is so confusing. He’s said to take my time but not to ‘give up.’ I’ve archived magnet-man for now. I’m curious to see if he persists with no contact from me. But ‘man-alive’ ohhohohoho i can’t get his face out of my head. He’s even in
my dreams now! He’s said he’s so pleased we are ‘back in touch’ heh? heh? heh? HE 👻

Son’s party is today and we scored with the weather! I’m off to bake my signature (terrible) cake! 🥴🤩

@Naimee87 hope the party and the cake are fabulous. And yes, kids' parties are always so much easier when the weather is good 😁

@Earlgrey19

Totally agree with you *@SpringlikeBunk*. He didn’t contact me. His unexpected message earlier today ended with “So are you in London today?”. I said yes and described what I was doing, but didn’t suggest meeting up as I thought that was his move now. I had asked would you like to meet Sat, earlier in the week . He sent brief reply to me this afternoon, again nothing about meeting. I’ve left it. Not chasing! It may be a back burner strategy from him, or he may lack confidence/ want the effort to come from me; I can’t quite work which.

Spontaneous is all very well if it's literally on the day you both realise you're in the same place but that arrangement / non arrangement is crap and as PP have said it increases anxiety and doesn't get better. Even into a marriage! Have seen it close up and it's corrosive

@naimee87... got the party goes well

@Naimee87

So much to catch up on but this stuck out *@Campariontherocks* haha, i read your name so fast i wanted to type ‘i’ll totally be your companion on the rocks’ 🤩! Well i could well have ADHD i’ve never been tested but would explain a fair bit.

Nothing really to report on MrE we are still chatting and have met for a drink and talked again, not defined what we are which is so confusing. He’s said to take my time but not to ‘give up.’ I’ve archived magnet-man for now. I’m curious to see if he persists with no contact from me. But ‘man-alive’ ohhohohoho i can’t get his face out of my head. He’s even in
my dreams now! He’s said he’s so pleased we are ‘back in touch’ heh? heh? heh? HE 👻

Son’s party is today and we scored with the weather! I’m off to bake my signature (terrible) cake! 🥴🤩

Have a great day and forget about the blokes for a while! 🥳

@Shayelle2009

Well done *@dancemom* if something feels off it’s definitely better to cut it off at the pass. This thread is such a massive support, I love the collective wisdom on here.

I decided to come off pof. The 2 day excursion on there was quite fun but I want to steer clear of apps in general going forward. Don’t like the culture of them and I’d rather be bored and have nothing than always trying to find someone on there. I said goodbye to Army boy as we were getting on and were chatting the whole time but he’s too far away.. did feel a tiny pang saying bye then deleting, as first decent person I’ve chatted to in months. But I feel strangely lifted like… there is someone decent out there who seemed to be interested, it gave me a little boost ☺️💖

It's so busy on POF but I'm glad I took the plunge as I have a date zero for week after next!

Talking of which I'm thinking about binning off MrItaly, he's expecting / hoping for a FWB but all I'm getting now are snatched messages in between his trips. He's making zero effort and that is not really conducive to me thinking of him as either a friend or a potential lover. It's boring frankly getting the journey updates and next to zero questions about me.

I have enjoyed speaking to him and meeting up with him but I don't see him as being up to the task anymore. Some men really are selfish, they'll put in the lowest possible effort

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@Earlgrey19 that kind of communication drives me insane. The fact that it's clear you've asked about the Saturday and he's not indicated one way or the other, but then tantalisingly been in contact and asked about Saturday but not directly asking to meet. I'd be tempted to bin someone off for that kind of thing because it causes me too much anxiety and rarely improves.

In recent weeks I have found the period between the "this is going well, shall we meet up sometime?" exchange and anything actually being firmed up beyond that really bloody frustrating. Men going quiet afterwards, being vague about it, or the last time it happened, deathly silence for 9 days before sending me messages as though nothing had happened and trying to work out when I might next be in town. FFS.

I'm very nervous about my Thursday date - it's my first one in almost a year and I'm feeling very out of practice.[/quote]
Are you comfortable thinking about it as a date zero, to decide if you want to date or see this person again? It can take a lot of the stress out of it

Good luck with the party @Naimee87!

@BelladiMamma - I'm trying to, although I think I/we have not helped matters by a) letting things get a little bit sexty and b) the fact that I'm staying over in a hotel before travelling for work in the morning. It's definitely been a six of one, half a dozen of other kind of thing so I'm not going to blame him for it. But I think a conversation needs to be had that first and foremost it's going to be okay if there's no spark, chemistry or whatever to just have a coffee and a chat and leave it there. Arghghgh.

@BelladiMamma - that's great going for a date zero already - I find the 'hinterland' between saying hey let's meet up! and it actually happening really hard to navigate. Listening to the Dreamer/Fantasist book again this morning and aware I'm so guilty of so many of the traits - need to get better at just parking it as just a date in the diary rather than imagining all sorts of ridiculous outcomes/developments!

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@BelladiMamma - I'm trying to, although I think I/we have not helped matters by a) letting things get a little bit sexty and b) the fact that I'm staying over in a hotel before travelling for work in the morning. It's definitely been a six of one, half a dozen of other kind of thing so I'm not going to blame him for it. But I think a conversation needs to be had that first and foremost it's going to be okay if there's no spark, chemistry or whatever to just have a coffee and a chat and leave it there. Arghghgh.[/quote]
I think that's totally fine. We are all grown ups!

Ugh so what had been a promising chat on POF just went sexty first thing this morning with no warning. Yuk. Blocked and deleted

I do wonder how many end up like that on a Sunday morning. Wake up, raging boner/horn, start on the nice lady/man in your phone...

POF question, do you use the message function? I spotted a nice chap. It's confusing but I guess there's likes and also matches? I do like the functionality of it over the others. Being able to browse who's nearby, see who you've liked etc.

Feel I need to update where I am with the irons as even I'm getting confused 😂

Isolation fever put me back on POF so a few chats going there

MrTattoo - nice regular but not intense contact. Gig on Wednesday. Nice warm feeling about this guy.

MrGig - low key contact on common interests. Gig on Wednesday after

MrAccountant - date zero in two weeks

MrHostel - date zero from POF in two weeks. Another widower. Sweet but not sure it's LTR material

MrBuilder and MrProperty talking the talk about date zero but it's not really happened so leaving it firmly with them

MrItaly - receding into can't be arsed territory, reflecting his effort. In many ways on paper we are a good match but I'm not getting any feels here anymore

Irishflake - yes yes I know ... started this convo up again despite blocking and deleting his number. More long chats. He's got alcohol and weed issues, what a surprise, is depressed. Have totally downgraded all interactions to friendly and we are on the same page with that. He does a lot of writing as do I so we are swapping a page every now and then. Physically and emotionally totally my type. Dangerous territory so keeping it very realistic

BeardFlake no contact since I told him DD has Covid. Nearly got him out of my system!