Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Orangelady32]@onwardseverstridingonwards I understand that and hid behind the screen for a long time for the same reason. I appreciate it'll be hard for you and you are busy but even going to a meetup social event or something where people matter less to you could help to confront this fear. Eventually I hope you realise people are just people and noone is better than anyone else. Also I stopped chasing people to stay in my life. Those who wanted to be in it proved it.[/quote]
@Orangelady32 I only live in a very small village. There really isn't very much to do here.

I have friends, but they are professionals with their own lives.

I'm a member of a book club and have made some friends there, but I don't see them often ❤️

@SortingItOut yeah he hasn't actually responded to my email asking him if he still wanted to do that, so I won't let him borrow it now although he'll have a public meltdown I'm sure

His fault for having two fancy cars you can't actually fit anything in

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Eesha has never been nasty as far as I can see, she doesn't sugar coat her advice which I think we all need to hear sometimes.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I work in education and therefore know plenty of teachers, lecturers and students and they do get time to socialise, I don't understand why you can't meet him before half term. It's not like Mr Cricket who has been flying all over the place, staying in hotels abroad and then has to fit time in to see his daughter. I know it's scary but we don't want to see you get your hopes up only for you to get upset and disappointed if it doesn't go the way you hope.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 if I meet him before then, I shall probably have a panic attack!

It'll work itself out, I think. He might meet someone else before then. Who knows? ❤️

Would also love to hear about your iron now dh @Orangelady32!
I think this is worth repeating:
Anyone who has faced a fear knows putting it off is the worst thing to do. Your anxiety about that first meet is only going to increase, not decrease.
It is nerve wracking of course, but it really is all BS til it happens and even then it can be bs
No one wants to pressure you or make you feel worse @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think it's just collective wisdom and experience. It's hard to hear when it's your fears though!
Did you look into any counseling after your break up? I ask this gently. My self esteem was on the floor when I first started dating and I see now how vulnerable I was, I'm lucky really that I didn't come across anyone predatory.

@Heartbeats0708

Would also love to hear about your iron now dh *@Orangelady32*! I think this is worth repeating: Anyone who has faced a fear knows putting it off is the worst thing to do. Your anxiety about that first meet is only going to increase, not decrease. It is nerve wracking of course, but it really is all BS til it happens and even then it can be bs No one wants to pressure you or make you feel worse *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* I think it's just collective wisdom and experience. It's hard to hear when it's your fears though! Did you look into any counseling after your break up? I ask this gently. My self esteem was on the floor when I first started dating and I see now how vulnerable I was, I'm lucky really that I didn't come across anyone predatory.

@Heartbeats0708 yes, I know. As I said earlier, he might meet someone else, so who knows what will happen. It certainly wouldn't be the first time!

No, I didn't have any counselling. I just licked my wounds by myself mostly. I really don't think there's much any counsellor could do for me, to be honest. I think I just need time to take stock of things.

Can 100% agree with what you said about self esteem. I felt the same when mine happened ❤️

I'm glad you took that with the good intentions it was meant, @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards. I hope I don't overstep the mark here but I see so much of myself in some of the things you say, and I think it's great that you can talk so candidly on here, but I am a firm believer in therapy. I feel like the majority of people would benefit from it in one way or another.
I think if you could get on board with it, you'd understand why sometimes threadies get so worried about you 😊 and you'd see what some of us see too. Your college will likely have a wellbeing service that could be worth exploring.
I've changed for the better so much in the last few years thanks to counseling and some serious self care, I just want to shout it from the rooftops 😂 and I continue to go as I know there's still issues to work through. It's bloody hard sometimes but I feel so much better for going.

What does one wear on a non-date coffee date with someone you fancy and who knows you fancy them?🤦‍♀️ the weather is turning and if it's like today shorts and bare legs are out. I want to wrap up in my winter skirts, jumpers and boots but it's not quite that cold. I hate this time of year when it's too cold for shorts but too hot for tights. I feel like I've lived in jeans for the past 18 months and want to wear my skirts again.

@Isitreallyme177

wear what you think looks smart/good and plan transport or your schedule accordingly - it's always hard dressing for the UK climate!

I did think about my outfit, and put on a nice skirt for my walk with my ex-iron MrC but covered up quite a bit (so baggy top, tights, walking coat) which kind of took the "sexy vibe" out of the equation a bit.

My in-between weather outfit lately has been a dress/bum covering top with cycling style shorts. Not my usual style but can't bear having my legs covered when it's too hot. The thought of tights/leggings/jeans, I'm just not ready!
But the shorts give a tiny bit of warmth and security.

Jumpsuit? I have several in different weights of fabric which can be layered and worn with trainers, flats, sandals, boots or heels

I do similar on hot days @Heartbeats0708 - oversized t shirt and leggings rolled up.

Sounds like the neighbourhood chav but actually as it's all black, matching, looks fine, I get checked out (preens) and stay cool but also "not too overtly flesh revealing"

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I wholeheartedly agree with @Heartbeats0708 post.

Therapy and or counselling can change your life.

I'm so bored of my self isolation that I've downloaded POF and got a couple of nice matches of people who live nearby.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Except I'm isolating and can't even find time to meet my Bumble matches

Will delete it in the morning!

... probably

I hear ya @BelladiMamma - I'm so bored of feeling ill that I had to resist creating a profile again... I don't need the drama! I feel a bit lonely and disconnected...but tinder won't help that!

@Misty9

I hear ya *@BelladiMamma* - I'm so bored of feeling ill that I had to resist creating a profile again... I don't need the drama! I feel a bit lonely and disconnected...but tinder won't help that!

I figured I'd match with them as they're really close. Otherwise I am going to be a good girl and delete it tomorrow ...

What's up @Misty9 .... did I miss something?

Oh, nothing serious, just a nasty bug I've been ill with this week. I'm not a good patient!

@Misty9

Oh, nothing serious, just a nasty bug I've been ill with this week. I'm not a good patient!

Oh good that it's just that; I hope you get better.

I'm continually surprised at how many challenges this last year or two has thrown at us all!

MrItaly was texting me from the airport in between his various trips. He's been pretty crap at staying in touch this last time. Not sure I'll muster the enthusiasm to make all the arrangements for a meet up once he's finally free ... I'm feeling so jaded.

Evening all! I drafted a quick message to Mr Slow Texter but then got cold feet and didn't send it.

He still hasn't responded to the message I sent yesterday, so I think he's pulling a slow fade on me. I'm shattered after a heavy week at work and feel like I'm not in the right frame of mind for rejection, so plan to send it tomorrow.

I also plan to unsnooze my profile in Bumble tomorrow and prepare to dive back into the SOT to see who I match with this time

@BelladiMamma - Oh, did you get it off your DD in the end? Or having to isolate because she has it?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - I think the issue here is that you've joined a thread of experienced/older posters who have been there and done that. No one means any harm. A lot of us have issues.
I'll share mine - I'm profoundly deaf. I've had CBT through my work place in the past, which was the best thing I ever did. I had become agoraphobic and weirdly it has been an on and off thing all my life. I also have balance issues, have dyspraxia and verbal dyslexia.
It's only through time/age that I've managed/come to terms with these issues. I think what I'm trying to say is that you have chosen to come on this thread so you are obviously trying to reach out for support. You will get it, in spades, it just might not be in the style you are expecting. No one is perfect or without issues. No one knows our full life story. Share what you are prepared to, no more, no less.

@Languidleopard

Evening all! I drafted a quick message to Mr Slow Texter but then got cold feet and didn't send it.

He still hasn't responded to the message I sent yesterday, so I think he's pulling a slow fade on me. I'm shattered after a heavy week at work and feel like I'm not in the right frame of mind for rejection, so plan to send it tomorrow.

I also plan to unsnooze my profile in Bumble tomorrow and prepare to dive back into the SOT to see who I match with this time

That's annoying for you. Slow fade is rude and shit.

You could just text a simple 'Would you like to stay in touch? Haven't heard from you for a while?' You can send it then delete the chat so it's not staring at you on WhatsApp!

@Languidleopard - SOT - .

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - Oh, did you get it off your DD in the end? Or having to isolate because she has it?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - I think the issue here is that you've joined a thread of experienced/older posters who have been there and done that. No one means any harm. A lot of us have issues.
I'll share mine - I'm profoundly deaf. I've had CBT through my work place in the past, which was the best thing I ever did. I had become agoraphobic and weirdly it has been an on and off thing all my life. I also have balance issues, have dyspraxia and verbal dyslexia.
It's only through time/age that I've managed/come to terms with these issues. I think what I'm trying to say is that you have chosen to come on this thread so you are obviously trying to reach out for support. You will get it, in spades, it just might not be in the style you are expecting. No one is perfect or without issues. No one knows our full life story. Share what you are prepared to, no more, no less.[/quote]
Not yet! I feel weird but might just be because thrown back into caring for her when not fully recovered myself. Lots of headaches and dizziness. Trying to rest and taking lateral flow tests.

@BelladiMamma - actually that's a good message - Would you like to stay in touch. So simple! I think I should send that to MrNoKids.

@Walkingalot I'm just isolating because if feels like the right thing to do, I wfh and I also don't want to leave her as she's quite poorly. But not too bad. I know many have had it worse.

[quote Walkingalot]**@BelladiMamma* - actually that's a good message - Would you like to stay in touch*. So simple! I think I should send that to MrNoKids.[/quote]
It often gets a reaction and if it doesn't - that's all you need to know