Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Naimee87 You are not hogging the thread at all, this is all connected to dating plus next week no doubt someone else will post lots - its swings and roundabouts.

Thanks to those who mentioned my posts - I know my posts can come across as straight to the point/tough love but they are always with the best of intentions.

yay@cravingthelook i am soooo going to jump into these MrHT shenanigans to forget the MrE ones. Oh you caved. (Magnet-man here i come ...) So hard to resist isn't! Sounded like it worked out and was worth it!

I'm really hoping to see my guy again tonight. Fingers 🤞

@SortingItOut your posts are what i need to hear! I'll look for any excuse to try to avoid confronting something i'm trying to avoid or not wanting to hear or admit to myself. It's just amazing to be able to throw your thoughts out there because in RL i haven't mentioned these problems to anyone other than my best friend. And she's red-flagged MrE and said his behaviour (on the weekend) is a no-go. Up until then she was a fan of him. But it's more hard for me to be so black and white with how up and down its been/i've felt (you see, there i go with the excuses again...)

@BelladiMamma I'm trying to give the ex less headspace roll on another few years and I won't need to interact with him

Yea I've thought Mr HT might meet someone. He's not on any dating sites, only fab and he just mostly chats on there. He's so adamant no relationship that he'd probably only meet for sex if anything but he doesn't really do that either. In someways it's easier to contact me for sex because he knows it's great and full of chemistry and he knows exactly what he's getting. I do think what if tho. He encourages me to date because in his words I deserve someone who can give me everything I want.

He insists we are friends and does genuinely know and ask about my life. We are friends on Facebook too. He is a huge supporter of my career and is a feminist ally. Which are all reasons I like him. He has been the one person who asks how my new job is going. He recognises my achievements and my willingness to step out of my comfort zone which he admires. He's doing an OU degree and I ask about lessons and encourage him in it. Our grown up daughters have the same disability so talk about that too.

So we really are friends when you think about it like that. He just doesn't want to step into a commitment- which he's more than entitled to feel. He does fancy the pants of me and like me and my company. We've known each other 9 months now. There is no reduction in chemistry- in fact the opposite. After a nice restrained lunch yesterday it was like we couldn't kiss each other enough last night.

I don't need commitment from him, I'm happy with FWB, ok with ENM ... I just want this more regularly once a week or so. Some nice nights out.

I'm not going to end a wonderful friendship because I'm not getting it every week tho,

He's not perfect, he has been a knob and insensitive at times. Then again I'm sure he'd say the same of me from his perspective.

We just both need to keep compromising. He did a lunch date, I need to give him time to do his thing for a couple of weeks.

I'm still glowing today tho 😁🥰

Oh god I feel sick

I looked up Irishflake on WhatsApp and he's got a woman's selfie on his profile pic.

What the hell is that all about? He's cat fishing? Or he's got a new woman?

She's a real looker too ...

Fuck I want to personally go into his phone and delete every single selfie etc I ever sent him. I genuinely want to puke

@cravingthelook why doesn't he want a relationship? I just think he's encouraging you to meet others. I always think when a person tells you who they are, listen

[quote cravingthelook]@BelladiMamma I'm trying to give the ex less headspace roll on another few years and I won't need to interact with him

Yea I've thought Mr HT might meet someone. He's not on any dating sites, only fab and he just mostly chats on there. He's so adamant no relationship that he'd probably only meet for sex if anything but he doesn't really do that either. In someways it's easier to contact me for sex because he knows it's great and full of chemistry and he knows exactly what he's getting. I do think what if tho. He encourages me to date because in his words I deserve someone who can give me everything I want.

He insists we are friends and does genuinely know and ask about my life. We are friends on Facebook too. He is a huge supporter of my career and is a feminist ally. Which are all reasons I like him. He has been the one person who asks how my new job is going. He recognises my achievements and my willingness to step out of my comfort zone which he admires. He's doing an OU degree and I ask about lessons and encourage him in it. Our grown up daughters have the same disability so talk about that too.

So we really are friends when you think about it like that. He just doesn't want to step into a commitment- which he's more than entitled to feel. He does fancy the pants of me and like me and my company. We've known each other 9 months now. There is no reduction in chemistry- in fact the opposite. After a nice restrained lunch yesterday it was like we couldn't kiss each other enough last night.

I don't need commitment from him, I'm happy with FWB, ok with ENM ... I just want this more regularly once a week or so. Some nice nights out.

I'm not going to end a wonderful friendship because I'm not getting it every week tho,

He's not perfect, he has been a knob and insensitive at times. Then again I'm sure he'd say the same of me from his perspective.

We just both need to keep compromising. He did a lunch date, I need to give him time to do his thing for a couple of weeks.

I'm still glowing today tho 😁🥰[/quote]
I have definitely reduced the amount of headspace my ex gets, but I couldn't sleep yesterday after that call 😞

In some ways I envy you your set up with HT as I want relationship lite but it's so hard not to get feelings involved too. I think I posted before, I want relationship lite with someone I can imagine having a LTR with. But who can give me space.

It's definitely hard to find!

Sorry to go on about irishflake again.

I don't know why I got really suspicious of him just before I called it a day with the messaging. I imagined this whole scenario where he was using my selfies on OnlyFans or something and then I asked him to delete all my photos and he never answered. I tried to put it to bed imagining that I was being paranoid. Then he replaces his profile photo with a woman's selfie that looks really like it's been done for a dating app

Fucking hell. I don't know what to think

@BelladiMamma

Sorry to go on about irishflake again.

I don't know why I got really suspicious of him just before I called it a day with the messaging. I imagined this whole scenario where he was using my selfies on OnlyFans or something and then I asked him to delete all my photos and he never answered. I tried to put it to bed imagining that I was being paranoid. Then he replaces his profile photo with a woman's selfie that looks really like it's been done for a dating app

Fucking hell. I don't know what to think

Oh crap, that is a real headfuck. I have no advice except to steer well clear.

Thanks @BelladiMamma the only think that's really wrong us I want more sexy. The sex is awesome so I need it more than once or twice a month.

He's not lied - he's not promised me the earth. He treats me like a friend and has great sexy with me sometimes.

Re irishflake- block delete and ignore ... don't give it more thought

[quote FireandBrimstone]@Isitreallyme177 please do report on HIIT and how it is. I have bums, tums, core tonight - the trainer I spoke to last night just paused a beat too long when I said I'd booked it and then commented about it being a 'good workout' so I have a bit of The Fear!! [/quote]
@FireandBrimstone HIIT update it was good and I would recommend it but for me it was too 'gentle'. I'm used to absolute torture from start to finish, I found it easy and even when I was working out at home during lockdown I was pushing myself more. I might try AMRAP tomorrow, see how that goes. I so miss my boxing though. But my pt is right, I like pushing myself. I set myself a target on the rower and I try and beat my previous personal best (I have photos on my phone 🤣😬).

@BelladiMamma so IrishFlake’s whatsapp photo is of a woman? Just a woman? That’s odd?
@cravingthelook you are describing magnet-man quite a lot actually when i read about MrHT. He was SO SO SO good in bed and early on when we met was keen to get into a relationship but chat started to fizzle out, then he’d vanish for weeks at a time. Finally got to the ‘lets move on for good’ phase and he’s resurfaced. And with all the ups and downs with MrE i’m just so tempted to cave and text his sexy-trucker-bum!!!! 🤩😂

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma so IrishFlake’s whatsapp photo is of a woman? Just a woman? That’s odd?
@cravingthelook you are describing magnet-man quite a lot actually when i read about MrHT. He was SO SO SO good in bed and early on when we met was keen to get into a relationship but chat started to fizzle out, then he’d vanish for weeks at a time. Finally got to the ‘lets move on for good’ phase and he’s resurfaced. And with all the ups and downs with MrE i’m just so tempted to cave and text his sexy-trucker-bum!!!! 🤩😂[/quote]
A selfie of a very well groomed woman. Looks just like a profile pic for a dating site.

All too strange. I am going to leave him unblocked for 24 hours to see if it changes then block and delete.

Feeling really freaked out. Face timed MrTattoo earlier and was pleased to see he's a real person living in a real house cooking real dinner.

We are back on for the gig as DD will be out of self isolation and I've tested negative and will test again the day before, which I need to do anyway because I'm going into hospital two days later.

MissHazel has been sending me lots of self improvement quotes and messages about single parents experiencing burnout during the pandemic. Not sure I'm quite ready for a self improvement junkie

@BelladiMamma oooh the profile photo thing is at the very least odd, if not perhaps actually provocative. Don't bite.

Liking the sound of Mr Tattoo and it's good that everything is falling into place for the big. Sounds like you need a night out like that after all the stress recently.

I would be telling Ms Hazel where to go with the self improvement nonsense. That's very presumptuous.

@Isitreallyme177 I saw AMRAP advertised at my place too. I think you are definitely advanced level compared to me - great that your PT has got your mojo sussed, and love that you're pushing yourself, I definitely love your motivation!

@cravingthelook really sorry your XH is being a dick. I can fully appreciate why an earlier divorce is well worth the money in that case.

Hope the birthday gals have had a fab day.

Also loving that there's another actual meetup happening this weekend.

@cravingthelook

Thanks *@BelladiMamma* the only think that's really wrong us I want more sexy. The sex is awesome so I need it more than once or twice a month.

He's not lied - he's not promised me the earth. He treats me like a friend and has great sexy with me sometimes.

Re irishflake- block delete and ignore ... don't give it more thought

Ha! I get it.

The reason the sex is so good is because it's like 'affair sex', the sort that you never know if it's going to happen again and has a bit of risk / edginess to it. You're always 'on the verge of being abandoned' so when you get him alone and can be intimate it's like every single dopamine that's about relief / abandonment/ risk just comes flooding in.

Sounds pretty bloody amazing actually. Just recognise it for what it is though. The day you go steady and he picks his nose / leaves the loo seat up / or forgets to put the bins out is the day that chemistry would just go pffft like a balloon deflating ...

Thank you for everyone for their comments re the Irishflake. I am just totally weirded out, like he might use my profile pics for something else, if he's got another phone or something?!

If I ever ever do OLD again I'm doing the burner phone and the fake name. Which probably makes you appear really dodgy too!!

I'm feeling a bit all over the place. Was just in the car with my mum and we had a one of my Spotify playlists on, and the song 'Never Forget You.' by The Noisettes came on. I started crying because it reminded me of Mr. Gambit for some reason.

I'm thinking about him a lot at the moment. Sometimes I get really excited at the prospect of dating him, other times I feel like we shouldn't date, because if we become a couple, he'll maybe end up being my carer.

I feel angry and so sorry for him thinking about that. He's got a busy life, why should he potentially take care of me?

Sometimes I feel like telling him to forget he ever knew me and go and find a able boiled woman with a career and prospects, because I feel I'm going to ruin his life.

For example, both me and him would like to have a family in the future, but I get scared thinking about looking after a child.

He'll probably find another woman he likes better soon, anyway ❤️

@SortingItOut - Hope I can make the next meet. Have fun.
@dancemom - Sounds like you are in a good place personally and also with MrIrish. Have you got him to say 'Three, free trees' yet? My MrIrish was hilarious, attentive, good communicator, no games but I just didn't fancy him :(.
@Naimee87 - Thank you! Had a quiet day on my own but enjoyed the sunshine. It's good that you talked it out with MrE. If you do go forwards with him, go slowly and keep some space between him and your DS.
@kerkyra - Yay - 50! How do you feel about it? Lol at the tidying up before parents visit. I used to be like that when my DF was alive. My old school mate (44 yrs!) is coming round Friday and I'm going to spend all day cleaning and tidying cos I'm a lazy slut most of the time!
@BelladiMamma - Yes, do it. You'll be great (writing). Defo block MrIrishFlake. What is that about?!
@cravingthelook - Tbh, it sounds like normal dating to me, just that he's not ready to put a label on it perhaps?

@BelladiMamma - I think it was you that mentioned a separate thread for awful Ex's. I wondered about starting one for 'OLD at 50'. But then I thought that this thread and you lot are so supportive, it feels like talking to friends. I'd be worried the dynamic wouldn't be the same. Our ex's and age are just a part of us and tied up as one parcel. I've been on and off this thread under different user names for 4 yrs now and there's never been any of the nasty comments you see on other posts. No judgements and if there are, it's done in the nicest most helpful way. :)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - aww, sorry to hear that. I can't remember your history but surely the choice is his. It could be as simple as that. Sorry again if I've missed the mark.

[quote Walkingalot]@BelladiMamma - I think it was you that mentioned a separate thread for awful Ex's. I wondered about starting one for 'OLD at 50'. But then I thought that this thread and you lot are so supportive, it feels like talking to friends. I'd be worried the dynamic wouldn't be the same. Our ex's and age are just a part of us and tied up as one parcel. I've been on and off this thread under different user names for 4 yrs now and there's never been any of the nasty comments you see on other posts. No judgements and if there are, it's done in the nicest most helpful way. :)[/quote]
This is so true! I do occasionally pop on some of the other threads and they're not always so kind or thoughtful

[quote Walkingalot]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - aww, sorry to hear that. I can't remember your history but surely the choice is his. It could be as simple as that. Sorry again if I've missed the mark.[/quote]
@Walkingalot I've not got much of a history. I've only dated one person and he left me. My ex's lines was that 'he didn't think I was on his level anymore.' And 'He didn't like me as a lover.' (We were both virgins, I still am one) But I think it's because he didn't want to spend his life looking after me.

I don't talk about my disability much to Mr Gambit, although He has known about it from the beginning. His dad is a GP, so he probably knows about it from him.

I've received my term dates from college and was going to talk to Mr Gambit about meeting up, but I'm scared now. We fancy each other, sure, but I just don't want to see his face when he realises who he's potentially stuck with ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Surely that's his choice to make? If he likes you enough, he will do what it takes to sustain things. I can't remember but have you met him? U would say meet him sooner rather than later if you can.

@Eesha no, we haven't met up due to him having COVID/other stuff. I wouldn't have had the confidence to meet up with him last year anyway.

I don't know. I was so sure of things when he got back in touch. I now keep having visions in my head of him saying 'Onwards, I'm sorry, but I met someone else. I can't cope with you.'