Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Happy Birthday to those celebrating 🥳

Just a reminder that the East Anglian contingent are meeting this Saturday afternoon in Colchester for coffee, everyone welcome☕

Have a fab time @SortingItOut & all the East Anglians!

Have a great time!!!

Morning folks, lots of updates going on!

I've been back running for a few weeks, run most mornings about 6:30am, just about 3-4km but 6 days a week so hopefully it's doing some good 🙏🏼 also doing body pump classes 3 evenings a week but I love these 💪🏼

Dating wise, still seeing Mr Irish, he's still lovely as ever. There's no burning yearning excitement but he's a lovely guy, he is very keen, I really enjoy his company and I actually fancy him now too. So I'm taking nice guy over exciting but anxiety ridden guys for sure! I deleted the apps at the weekend and I'm not missing the swiping at all!

@dancemom

Morning folks, lots of updates going on!

I've been back running for a few weeks, run most mornings about 6:30am, just about 3-4km but 6 days a week so hopefully it's doing some good 🙏🏼 also doing body pump classes 3 evenings a week but I love these 💪🏼

Dating wise, still seeing Mr Irish, he's still lovely as ever. There's no burning yearning excitement but he's a lovely guy, he is very keen, I really enjoy his company and I actually fancy him now too. So I'm taking nice guy over exciting but anxiety ridden guys for sure! I deleted the apps at the weekend and I'm not missing the swiping at all!

You are making me feel tired... And to think I felt all virtuous just running twice a week for 4 k!!

I do love an Irish accent....

My social media algorithms seem to have caught on that I'm dating and I'm getting lots of stuff in my feed about communication.

Two stood out - that if you're in a good relationship you won't feel confused by communication styles; and if someone's interested in you they won't leave you hanging.

We probably all know that though!

I also think they're to be taken in context, eg if you've just had one coffee with someone they shouldn't be texting you all the time.

But the one about feeling confused i think is really good. If you don't know what the hell is going on that's probably because it's not a great situation!

Happy Birthday @Walkingalot! 🤩👏🏻

I met MrE last night and it was a massive shock because all the weird feelings i’d had about him and posted on here about were none-existent. He seemed so different to who i’d made my mind up i ending things with. I am SO confused. We discussed the incident on the weekend and it’s becoming evident there is more to this than what i had originally thought as both he and my son were in the wrong. He was seriously apologetic and feels terrible. I’d no idea he’d been thinking about it so much as well. I was fully committed to sticking to my guns and finishing everything. But everything i tried to put into words as to why we wouldn’t work just didn’t come out right. Yesterday he was like the MrE i’d met right at the beginning, before the trip. Its really knocked me side-ways and i’m in a really weird head-space because i just don’t know what i am feeling. I think we are split but he seemed to want to remain friends and ‘see how things go’ … any advice? clearly i’m a much stronger person over messages than i am in person.

Happy birthday to fellow virgos! My birthday is Friday too,the big 50.
I'm having an anxious week,middle DC is at an army assesment centre as I write this( he txt he just passed his medical,phew) and I have my parents down at the weekend and have a few friends over so madly tidying the house and garden so parents don't think I'm a complete slob. Absolutely haven't thought about dating but will get back to it next week when things calmer.

@CrimeJunkie01 every morning when my alarm goes off at 6am I start coming up with multiple reasons I should stay in bed but it's just ingrained habit now, I don't enjoy it but I enjoy the results. And it's the most Irish of Irish accents, every few minutes I have to ask him to repeat himself it's so thick!

@Naimee87

Happy Birthday *@Walkingalot*! 🤩👏🏻

I met MrE last night and it was a massive shock because all the weird feelings i’d had about him and posted on here about were none-existent. He seemed so different to who i’d made my mind up i ending things with. I am SO confused. We discussed the incident on the weekend and it’s becoming evident there is more to this than what i had originally thought as both he and my son were in the wrong. He was seriously apologetic and feels terrible. I’d no idea he’d been thinking about it so much as well. I was fully committed to sticking to my guns and finishing everything. But everything i tried to put into words as to why we wouldn’t work just didn’t come out right. Yesterday he was like the MrE i’d met right at the beginning, before the trip. Its really knocked me side-ways and i’m in a really weird head-space because i just don’t know what i am feeling. I think we are split but he seemed to want to remain friends and ‘see how things go’ … any advice? clearly i’m a much stronger person over messages than i am in person.

So this is what I'd be telling myself if I were in your situation ...

Take things slow. Observe and don't rush to fill silences, suggest solutions or initiate text conversations or suggest meet ups

Confusion and unpredictable reactions and behaviours, yours or theirs are never a good thing

Children really don't need the hassle and the burden of fallout from your personal life, if at all avoidable

Financial and emotional independence and peace of mind is a hard won thing. Don't give it up too easily

Butterflies aren't always a good feeling. Sometimes they're your spidey senses coming to life and letting you know something isn't quite right

So I guess my advice to myself would be - see him a little, away from the house and DS & be very observant of his actions and your feelings

And

@Naimee87 I was trying to sum up my perspective on your update and as is often the case @Bella has articulated it all so well, so fully and so eloquently.

And @Bella also your earlier post with observations on comms styles is of course very pertinent across all of us but, yes of course I can relate. Finding the second point a particularly tough message to accept RN, but still good advice.

[quote FireandBrimstone]**@Naimee87* I was trying to sum up my perspective on your update and as is often the case @Bella* has articulated it all so well, so fully and so eloquently.

And @Bella also your earlier post with observations on comms styles is of course very pertinent across all of us but, yes of course I can relate. Finding the second point a particularly tough message to accept RN, but still good advice. [/quote]
Thanks. People pay me to write stuff so good to know I'm still in the right job 😁♥️✍🏼 and I don't even mean that ironically!! I'm currently screwing up the courage to quit the day job and go full time writing and ditch the corporate work.

[quote dancemom]@CrimeJunkie01 every morning when my alarm goes off at 6am I start coming up with multiple reasons I should stay in bed but it's just ingrained habit now, I don't enjoy it but I enjoy the results. And it's the most Irish of Irish accents, every few minutes I have to ask him to repeat himself it's so thick! [/quote]
That made me miss my IrishFlake soooo much 😞

@Naimee87 Speaking face to face is so different to texting.
I still think its a red flag that there was an incident with your son, regardless of who was in the wrong he should never have got involved with anything relating to your son.

You mentioned introducing them early because your son knew he was more than a friend but you still didn't know him very well. I know dating is hard with kids.

An apology doesnt mean much, is he only apologising because he knew how annoyed you were. What would he do if the same thing happened again?

I think you need to re read your posts on here for the last week where you said Mr E was too intense and needed constant reassurance and you didn't want that.

What about Mr Magnet Man?
You seem really into him.

@SortingItOut i really like your posts .. thank you

[quote Dropdeadfred2]@SortingItOut i really like your posts .. thank you[/quote]
This ^

I’ve tested negative for Covid

Yippee

thanks everyone bella sortingitout and firebrimestone i think i'll have to try get this wrapped up so as not to keep hogging the thread.
And @BelladiMamma you do have such a way with words, i love reading your posts. A bit like with @SpringlikeBunk youse could both write a book on OLD experiences based on these posts and it'd be a bestseller!

It's so hard to sum up how it went, i was expecting to lay out the way i felt and to come to an agreement that we ultimately are looking for different things. Characters and culture clashes felt massive the last few weeks. I told him he was intense and needed constant reassurance and that the incident with my son was a step way too far. Sorry to be so vague but it's something that could have landed me and my son in a lot of trouble had MrE not said something to me about it, yet he also had a part to play in it as well. Last night he just came across incredibly sorry and decent. He said whatever i need/want to make 'us' happen i should tell him so we can work on these things together. I'm setting aside time to re-read through some posts on here because 48hrs ago i had my mind made up now i've 'trucked' millions of miles away from that mind-space.

Yes magnet-man and his sexy-ness is puzzling me no end. Oh if you ladies could see photo's of him i reckon you'd say he were a right old ugly black-eyed-potatoe... he's like sex on legs to me though!

@Naimee87

thanks everyone bella sortingitout and firebrimestone i think i'll have to try get this wrapped up so as not to keep hogging the thread. And *@BelladiMamma you do have such a way with words, i love reading your posts. A bit like with @SpringlikeBunk* youse could both write a book on OLD experiences based on these posts and it'd be a bestseller!

It's so hard to sum up how it went, i was expecting to lay out the way i felt and to come to an agreement that we ultimately are looking for different things. Characters and culture clashes felt massive the last few weeks. I told him he was intense and needed constant reassurance and that the incident with my son was a step way too far. Sorry to be so vague but it's something that could have landed me and my son in a lot of trouble had MrE not said something to me about it, yet he also had a part to play in it as well. Last night he just came across incredibly sorry and decent. He said whatever i need/want to make 'us' happen i should tell him so we can work on these things together. I'm setting aside time to re-read through some posts on here because 48hrs ago i had my mind made up now i've 'trucked' millions of miles away from that mind-space.

Yes magnet-man and his sexy-ness is puzzling me no end. Oh if you ladies could see photo's of him i reckon you'd say he were a right old ugly black-eyed-potatoe... he's like sex on legs to me though!

Please don't worry about hogging the thread. You've got a 'love' issue that is probably hard to talk to anyone IRL about.

We all have moments where we post more @Naimee87... please don't worry.. we are all here to listen

You are all HUGE BIG SPARKLY [STAR]!!!

[stars] s

@Naimee87 I actually meant 'live' issue. Dratted auto correct

well i tried to get the star emoji but my laptop isn't playing probably telling me to get back to doing some work!

@FireandBrimstone I'm in Scotland and have a legal separation agreement but want to do the divorce and DD2 is only 10. I'm going to save a bit more then get it done, especially as I've already paid out for the SA.

ExH is currently being a dick and sounds not dissimilar to yours @BelladiMamma

In other news I caved and went to Mr HT's
We maybe we both caved a bit.
I'd backed off and not messaged at all and he got in touch last week. Lots of nice chat and he asked me to lunch yesterday. (He's previously said that he doesn't want to do stuff that resembles dating' he's happy with FWB. But I want to spend non bed time with him. SoI just didn't message)

I guess lunch was an easy and light small step for him (albeit he came across town to near my new work) and it was lovely. He did lots of eye contact flirting but we mostly chatted about life. I so wanted to touch his arms but I restrained myself.
Upon leaving he pulled me in for a kiss in the street. I had a total fanny flutter as always.

He said later lunch was nice and we can do if more now I'm working in town. Lots of flirting ensued.

Basically I went over there last night and stayed the night and we had mind blowing sex as always.

Nice kisses this morning and a couple enjoy your day texts.

I'm just going to leave him to process this, he's terrified of a relationship but he wants it all at the same time.
I know I should have given up on him long ago. I know our dynamic isn't the best. But I'm crazy about him so I wait it out.

I'm still dating (he knows) and maybe the right one will come along and I'll happily walk from Mr HT but I keep telling myself to enjoy the chemistry while I can

[quote cravingthelook]@FireandBrimstone I'm in Scotland and have a legal separation agreement but want to do the divorce and DD2 is only 10. I'm going to save a bit more then get it done, especially as I've already paid out for the SA.

ExH is currently being a dick and sounds not dissimilar to yours @BelladiMamma

In other news I caved and went to Mr HT's
We maybe we both caved a bit.
I'd backed off and not messaged at all and he got in touch last week. Lots of nice chat and he asked me to lunch yesterday. (He's previously said that he doesn't want to do stuff that resembles dating' he's happy with FWB. But I want to spend non bed time with him. SoI just didn't message)

I guess lunch was an easy and light small step for him (albeit he came across town to near my new work) and it was lovely. He did lots of eye contact flirting but we mostly chatted about life. I so wanted to touch his arms but I restrained myself.
Upon leaving he pulled me in for a kiss in the street. I had a total fanny flutter as always.

He said later lunch was nice and we can do if more now I'm working in town. Lots of flirting ensued.

Basically I went over there last night and stayed the night and we had mind blowing sex as always.

Nice kisses this morning and a couple enjoy your day texts.

I'm just going to leave him to process this, he's terrified of a relationship but he wants it all at the same time.
I know I should have given up on him long ago. I know our dynamic isn't the best. But I'm crazy about him so I wait it out.

I'm still dating (he knows) and maybe the right one will come along and I'll happily walk from Mr HT but I keep telling myself to enjoy the chemistry while I can [/quote]
Sorry to hear that craving. I may set up a separate support thread for this issue with exes. What do you think? Would it be helpful?

I know it's not easy with HT but you're making progress and communicating of a sort? And looking for your way out to a different sort of relationship albeit with someone else?

I suppose the question is, how would you feel if he was the one to meet someone else? Are you prepared mentally and emotionally for that? ♥️