Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Was liking the name of the new thread, and i know no-one wants a flake but then it turns out milk tray is 100 years old ..

metro.co.uk/2015/08/23/milk-tray-chocolates-ranked-from-worst-to-best-5356641/

I was just dropping into give some positive news, am a couple of dates in and might have met someone nice. I'm gonna call her MissFudgeDuet as the middle item on the milk tray chart above seems sensible place to start. I'll move her up or down as things progress. Hopefully she gets to the coveted hazelnut whirl. Two things I thought I'd share: not much whatsapping, I know folks have different styles and I was more of message every day type but not worrying about it is quite liberating. Secondly we've had a nice conversation about feelings and likely issues so already a good dialogue open. :-)

@RayoftheTriffids

Was liking the name of the new thread, and i know no-one wants a flake but then it turns out milk tray is 100 years old ..

metro.co.uk/2015/08/23/milk-tray-chocolates-ranked-from-worst-to-best-5356641/

I was just dropping into give some positive news, am a couple of dates in and might have met someone nice. I'm gonna call her MissFudgeDuet as the middle item on the milk tray chart above seems sensible place to start. I'll move her up or down as things progress. Hopefully she gets to the coveted hazelnut whirl. Two things I thought I'd share: not much whatsapping, I know folks have different styles and I was more of message every day type but not worrying about it is quite liberating. Secondly we've had a nice conversation about feelings and likely issues so already a good dialogue open. :-)

Sounds positive! I love the hazel nit twirl analogy. Good luck!!

Hazelnut Swirl as No1 ????

Ladies I’m bowing out (again 🙈)
My mental health is too weak for tinder
I’ve deleted it !
I need to get calmer , saner and and tinder won’t help me

I wish you robust lot the best of luck with your irons , date zeros
And a strong ego and will for the flakes !!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Ladies I’m bowing out (again 🙈) My mental health is too weak for tinder I’ve deleted it ! I need to get calmer , saner and and tinder won’t help me

I wish you robust lot the best of luck with your irons , date zeros
And a strong ego and will for the flakes !!!

Enjoy your dating free life ❤️ and have yourself some great self care time ❤️

@VanGoghsDog

Being plagued by idiotic sex pests on Tinder currently, this is one from last night. I'd only exchanged two messages with him. Obviously I unmatched after that last message.

Agree on the red flags but IMO that's a Bot. Overly complimentary way too quickly, answers that don't relate to your comments, and asking for your number within a couple of messages.

Loads of Bots on tinder.

Total kudos to you on your own contributions to the chat there though 👏

Thanks Belladi 🌹
I’ll be back , but have to get calm xxx

The two earlier messages were not bot-like in that they did relate to my message, nor his response which was "you called me a twat". (Aw, didums).

Agree re ridiculously over complimentary. His first messages were about how gorgeous and stunning I am (I am not).
But his photos were not bot-like either really.

I have a guy who apparently lives in Paris with his five yo daughter yet tells me distance is not a problem, he can visit me "easily". Er, right. Not heard of Covid?
He's clearly a catfish, of some sort.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Ladies I’m bowing out (again 🙈) My mental health is too weak for tinder I’ve deleted it ! I need to get calmer , saner and and tinder won’t help me

I wish you robust lot the best of luck with your irons , date zeros
And a strong ego and will for the flakes !!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated I found the apps didn't help my mental health and with so much else going on it was just adding to the negativety I was feeling. I doubt I'll go back on them if I'm honest. Enjoy your app free life, I know I'm much calmer, and take time out for some self care.

@RayoftheTriffids this is why Milk Tray is such a useful way of describing it because actually there's me wanting a strawberry 🍓 one - which apparently is the marmite of them all!

I’ve just put on some calming music and I’m joining an autism parents support group
Maybe there will be some sexy single dads there 😁
Thanks this is such a nice threa

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m off the apps (possibly for good) now - I’ve had some nice meets with people I wouldn’t have met otherwise

but in terms of overall time and emotions investment/return ratio its just too much?

Too much weird behaviour, sexual entitlement, and flaking for “one good meet”

I’ve kind of been a bit ambiguous emotionally myself (due to work related move) but now I do want to try for something/someone a bit more substantial I’m going to try avenues like speed dating/meet people through work etc

Been off the apps two weeks… back to the office next month and city life so won’t have time anyway.. be so good to get back to normality!!

Yes to normality, fighting for a spot in the gym car park at 6pm with everyone else, eating properly again. I actually said to my pt earlier (can't believe I'm actually saying that) that once I'm back at work my diet will improve as I'll be limited to what I can eat during the day as it will be only what I take in. I'm actually looking forward to normality.

@Shayelle2009 @SpringlikeBunk I've also downloaded Meetup which seems to have some genuinely good social events with proper organisation.

Once I've got over my accident and my minor surgery out of the way and if my DD ever agrees to see her DF again .... then I'll be there! Hiking in wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Cumbria west country ... or just locally ...

@BelladiMamma @Shayelle2009 and @Isitreallyme177

Yy to real life - I think with lockdown (and various other factors for some of us) life has been too "virtual" with too much time to think and obsess

And hence why a lot of us (me included) are and have been mooning over flaky/occasional contact with these men who we barely know if at all!

Looking forward to just being able to "progress dates" in a normal fashion, go out, suggest coffee without triple booking, go for a weekend away etc.

If it's any consolation, the Jewish part of all of us is celebrating Rosh Hashana right now- New Year! We definitely deserve a drink! Have something sweet to encourage your new year to be sweet too 🍓 maybe even a strawberry flavoured chocolate 🍫

I always claim my Jewish great granny for these occasions 😁

Rosh Hashana is the end of a period of self reflection and casting your sins from the preceding year away.

I think we could all do with a bit of that!

@FireandBrimstone

Try not to worry whether he likes you or not because it isn't within your control. You can only bring the best version of yourself to the table. He either likes it and wants to be with you or he doesn't.

You are still worthy, even if you're not his cup of tea.

I need to have this painted in foot-high letters somewhere in my house @Languidleopard.

Quick update - bit frustrated as Mr Printer, who referred to his shifts this week being better for arranging a first meeting, sent messages last night which appeared to suggest that he's busy all week out of work with his children. He's still chatty enough, but no indication of suggesting a 'window' to meet. I can't decide if he somehow wants me to raise it again, or if he's actually distancing himself.

As for Mr Colleague, OMG his online communication style is - well, non existent. If there's already a Mr Slow Texter then this one is Mr No Texter. Once again I sent a brief message (about something we'd talked about on the date) and it's gone into a black hole. No reply at all. He did this last week as well. So hard to read. Again I just have to wait and see how things pan out.

In possibly related news - I joined a new gym thanks to all the encouraging advice, so plan to fill the child free evenings with classes etc. But tonight - my weekly walk with the women's walking group 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

@FireandBrimstone I'd be starting to think Mr Printer might be in the market for a penpal rather than a real, flesh and blood relationship tbh. Maybe see how things play out at the end of this week and suggest a time and place?

As for Mr No Texter 🤔 if this is his usual communication style then nothing has changed so I wouldn't be overly concerned. Maybe he didn't feel the message required a reply? How did you leave things at your last meeting? Some people are just poor texters I suppose. As you say, time will tell. As he's an old colleague could you ring him on a work pretext and suss him out that way?

@Mynameisbetter

Hi all, first-time poster in this thread. Split with my DW of 10 years earlier this year, trying to get back out there. I'm finding it really hard. The online dating scene is trciky to navigate at the best of times but I have 2 kids and am feeling like nobody is interested in getting to know a guy with children.

Tempted to remove the fact I have kids in my profile, just so I have the opportunity to meet people. Any advice?

@Mynameisbetter just joining in the consensus that being clear you have kids is the way to go.

If someone doesn't want to date a parent it's way easier to screen them out early. Save yourself time and disappointment further down the line!

And plenty of women don't mind one jot if a potential partner has kids or not, myself included 🙂

@FireandBrimstone good luck with the new gym, just enjoy it. I'm so excited to actually start something new, think pt sessions will do me good. I'm doing a HIIT class on Wednesday which should be good but hard.

@SpringlikeBunk Yes when I'm in the office I can't sit on my phone all the time so can't sit there wondering if a message will pop up. Although last night I sent Mr Cricket a message and left it and watched TV, then my friend started messaging so it didn't even occur to me to check if he had read it. So this morning's message was a nice surprise.

I spoke to another of my friends on Friday, it was so nice to speak to him and just catch up.

@RayoftheTriffids

Was liking the name of the new thread, and i know no-one wants a flake but then it turns out milk tray is 100 years old ..

metro.co.uk/2015/08/23/milk-tray-chocolates-ranked-from-worst-to-best-5356641/

I was just dropping into give some positive news, am a couple of dates in and might have met someone nice. I'm gonna call her MissFudgeDuet as the middle item on the milk tray chart above seems sensible place to start. I'll move her up or down as things progress. Hopefully she gets to the coveted hazelnut whirl. Two things I thought I'd share: not much whatsapping, I know folks have different styles and I was more of message every day type but not worrying about it is quite liberating. Secondly we've had a nice conversation about feelings and likely issues so already a good dialogue open. :-)

@RayoftheTriffids 😆

Fwiw I think being able to have a good, proper conversation with someone is way more significant than their whatsapping prowess.

I agree with the lowering of messaging expectations. I was always anxious if I didn’t hear anything from irons, waiting for the text pop , agonising over whether I should initiate etc and then wondering if it was slow fade or just quiet messaging pattern. It did my head no good.

Mr Lumberjack is not much for texting, but he likes to call every couple of days, send the occasional song or movie suggestion or a quick ‘look what I was doing today’ pic and I do the same and I have no angst whatsoever. I think it’s because the real life interactions are good so I don’t need the constant text reassurance. It’s a first for me and I’m happy so long may it continue.

I need another name for Mr Bad Kisser. Because I think I've just re-educated him this evening. And he is a fast learner!!
He was also a lot better at asking questions rather than just talking about himself. He seemed less nervous than last time.

I'm in the weird position of actually looking forward to seeing him again. Haven't felt like that about a date for a long, long time.

Ooh Echo that sounds promising how about ‘ImprovingKisser’

@Languidleopard thank you doe that. I agree - I definitely am getting shying-away vibes and so I'm cooling off too. I am so not interested in the penpal thing. So yes, giving it a few days, doing no 'running' in the meantime and let's see.
I also agree Mr Colleague has a minimalist communication style on apps which is so different from how he is in person. His parting words were 'if you fancy another coffee sometime...' So again, since he's not replying to WA chat I'm leaving it for now and hoping he will make contact if he does want to take it further. It would be odd to both swipe right on each other on tinder and then just meet once to talk about work from 20years ago. We didn't need to swipe right on each other to make that happen so there must be a tinder-type spark there to explore too, right..?

@Isitreallyme177 thank you for the GL message. Back atcha! I'm actually really looking forward to getting into classes too though I don't think I'm fit enough for HIIT yet. I liked the advice back-thread about going to a bums, tums and legs class as it would be full of women. So will be checking the timetable for that.