CMS - Am I being greedy

[essieestherson]

I have been split from my ex for over 3 years, we have 3 dc who live with me and stay at his (at most) 1 night a week.

When we were together he was very abusive and slept with prostitutes, hence why we're divorced..

He has never paid the full amount of CMS due, always saying he can't afford it and then turning up in a new car, expensive new watch etc.. Every year I get an annual review from the CMS and I ask him to pay more, then he will bully and threaten me with going to the courts for 50-50 custody, or say he'll quit his job etc. So I always settle with whatever figure he suggests as I can't handle the stress of it all.

I have just had this years annual review which states that he has had another pay rise (now earning £85,000pa) and should now be paying me over £1200 a month, he currently pays £580. He has offered to up it to £680 but says anymore will bankrupt him. He has sent many abusive messages and refuses to talk anymore about it.

Yet he turned up to pick the kids up last week in a brand new Tesla...

My parents think I should just accept the £680 he is offering to stop all the nasty texts and threats etc.

Im just not sure what to do.. I work 3 days a week, but don't earn much and every month I am short of money. The kids have many clubs etc they would love to join but can't because I don't have enough money.

I know that £680 is a lot of money and way more then many get from CMS.. so I'm not sure if I should just let him get away with paying less, or fight further and ask for CMS to take the money straight out of his pay?

Another side note is that he is very unpredictable which worries me.. if I try and take the money straight out of his account he will probably do something drastic, quit his job etc - so we will struggle further.

I am just not sure what to do.

I'd get the money taken out directly from his salary

Get it taken from his salary via CMS. Even with any cut taken it will be more than you're getting now. It's absolutely unacceptable that he doesn't pay what he should for his children and leave you all struggling. Perhaps he could sell the ridiculous car if he is struggling for cash, rather than let his kids go without. Selfish prick.

I agree. Put in a claim to CMS today and if he doesn’t pay up they will have his employer take it from his salary.

Stop answering messages and texts form him unless they are about arranging access for the children. Save copies of them all in another file in case you need them later.

And also NO - you are absolutely not being greedy. It doesn't matter what others get for their children, its all relative.

While taking it straight from his salary is a good idea it takes bloody ages. I’ve started getting CMS deducted from exh wage direct last month, this was after no payments at all since early 2020. The CMS kept giving him chances to pay.....

Anyway. Yes, £680 is a decent amount a month but the £1200 recommended is the legal minimum your children are entitled to. You’re not being greedy.

It’s shit that he can not pay the legal minimum for his children but still control and threaten you with the option of withdrawing any support.

Absolutely do it, he will not quit his job. Call his bluff

You're not greedy at all. Go through CMS. He won't quit his job on £85k, how would be sustain his lifestyle!

He's playing you

Stop giving in to his emotional blackmail get onto cms (who frankly should have addressed his underpaying themselves but then most of us know how crap they are!) And get a deduction from earnings sorted ASAP

You need to be much more proactive.

This is money for your kids they deserve better.

I very much doubt a man like this will carry out his threats he is way too selfish and clearly likes his lifestyle.

Block him on the phone/get a new number, set up a dedicated email address for him to communicate with you re the kids maybe something like

[email protected]

And only deal with him via that.

You are NOT being greedy he needs to pay the cms amount he's hardly on the bones of his arse is he?!

Given what you've said chances are the child maintenance is paying for more prostitute use which is vile.

With cms you need to badger hell out of them, if they mess you about contact your Mp to light a fire under them.

I doubt he will quit his job as that would mean no nice cars or watches etc (as a side note are you sure the car isn't a company car, especially if he's getting one every 2 years or so).

Just get the money deducted from his wages, he won't go bankrupt at all

He won't quit his job. How could he afford to visit prostitutes?

Thanks so much for the replies. Dealing with this man has been such a stress on my life for so long now!
I think going to CMS is going to be the only option if he won't reply to me.. interesting to know how long it takes though! It's just such an unnecessary stress. I am more than happy to compromise with him by I am just a bit sick of the kids not getting what they deserve from him.

@HalzTangz not sure, could be a company car, he clearly has a good job!

Put in a claim and stick to it. Is he really going to pack in a very good job and do without all his fancy toys. He'd have to take a hell of a paycut to go down to what he wants to pay.

Collect and pay. He pays an extra 20% and OP loses something like 4%.

You've got to weigh this up. It doesn't sound like he's struggling at all from your comments and he's unlikely to quit his job unless he can live for a period of time with no job and walk back into something similar when he needs to work again. Of course the risk is he does quit his job and you get nothing.

Does he contribute anything on top of what you get monthly. Does he pay half towards things and what's the situation in terms of new partners etc.

Plus if he does go for 59/59, he has to solicitor and court fees, arrange childcare *and pay for it) on the days he has them when he's working.

Call his bluff

Call his bluff, he won’t quit his job as he needs to pay the monthly premiums on his Tesla

It will likely be a lease car, you can’t just give them back

He is very unpredictable as he can make very dramatic gestures if things aren't going his way. I cant see him quitting his job though.

No new partners, both still single.

I am going to wait and see if he actually replies to this mornings text. If not I am going to go to CMS tomorrow!

If he is that unpredictable then I would be going through CMS for the full amount - and then trying to save at least half of the extra 520 in my bank account. 260 a month will quickly build into a decent rainy day fund for if he dicks about with payments in future. The point is, if he is "unpredictable" that actually makes it more important to be getting the full amount rather than less - so you have a buffer.

He absolutely won’t quit an £85k a year job - it’s bullshit. He is just trying to control you and making empty threats.

Ignore your parents and tell him to fuck off - straight to CMS and make the tosser pay for his children.

What is his job/profession? Does he have the option of going self-employed, or using a limited company? Is there anyone on the scene who might support him if he engaged in shenanigans to try and evade maintenance? E.g. wealthy parents, or a new partner who earns well?

Hand the case over to CMS and ask them to collect directly from him.

I wouldn’t engage with him at all.

£85k is 4.8k (after tax) per month. Even if he paid £1.2k month maintainable he would still have £3.6k to support himself per month. Whereas £680 is mean to support 3 kids. He may scream and stomp his feet that he will quit his job but he won’t as he wouldn’t be able to find his lifestyle on benefits!

Nobody quits an 85k job.