CMS - Am I being greedy

[essieestherson]

I have been split from my ex for over 3 years, we have 3 dc who live with me and stay at his (at most) 1 night a week.

When we were together he was very abusive and slept with prostitutes, hence why we're divorced..

He has never paid the full amount of CMS due, always saying he can't afford it and then turning up in a new car, expensive new watch etc.. Every year I get an annual review from the CMS and I ask him to pay more, then he will bully and threaten me with going to the courts for 50-50 custody, or say he'll quit his job etc. So I always settle with whatever figure he suggests as I can't handle the stress of it all.

I have just had this years annual review which states that he has had another pay rise (now earning £85,000pa) and should now be paying me over £1200 a month, he currently pays £580. He has offered to up it to £680 but says anymore will bankrupt him. He has sent many abusive messages and refuses to talk anymore about it.

Yet he turned up to pick the kids up last week in a brand new Tesla...

My parents think I should just accept the £680 he is offering to stop all the nasty texts and threats etc.

Im just not sure what to do.. I work 3 days a week, but don't earn much and every month I am short of money. The kids have many clubs etc they would love to join but can't because I don't have enough money.

I know that £680 is a lot of money and way more then many get from CMS.. so I'm not sure if I should just let him get away with paying less, or fight further and ask for CMS to take the money straight out of his pay?

Another side note is that he is very unpredictable which worries me.. if I try and take the money straight out of his account he will probably do something drastic, quit his job etc - so we will struggle further.

I am just not sure what to do.

OP has

No idea how long it takes or when he will be informed.. doubt CMS even have his up to date address.

I used to work for CMS. They ALL threaten 50/50 or quitting jobs. A couple of things to bear in mind. Its all about money. If he wants the kids 50/50 tell him thats fine. That way instead of losing a tiny percentage of his wage he will lose 50 percent. Remind him 50/50 means he pays for kids clubs on those days. Uniform for his house. Childcare for the school holidays he will have to cover( half of all school hols now) Meals.Winter coat and shoes. Stationary. School trips. Sports equipment and clubs. Remind him that although you lose his CM you now have much less to pay for and in the long term will be better off. If he tells you he refuses to pay for any of that stuff that you will make the judge aware of this and of course his bipolar that he takes no meds for and refuses to access any treatment for.
If he threatens to quit his job point out again that you are happy for him to do so, does he realise that instead of his 3 thousand a month current take home pay he will go down to 150 per month JSA and you are still entitled to claim CM from that.?

@essieestherson

No idea how long it takes or when he will be informed.. doubt CMS even have his up to date address.

AAwwww fabulous.. I'm happy for you.. you have done the right thing honestly.. good on you

Yes to what @Redannie118 says!

@Redannie118

I used to work for CMS. They ALL threaten 50/50 or quitting jobs. A couple of things to bear in mind. Its all about money. If he wants the kids 50/50 tell him thats fine. That way instead of losing a tiny percentage of his wage he will lose 50 percent. Remind him 50/50 means he pays for kids clubs on those days. Uniform for his house. Childcare for the school holidays he will have to cover( half of all school hols now) Meals.Winter coat and shoes. Stationary. School trips. Sports equipment and clubs. Remind him that although you lose his CM you now have much less to pay for and in the long term will be better off. If he tells you he refuses to pay for any of that stuff that you will make the judge aware of this and of course his bipolar that he takes no meds for and refuses to access any treatment for. If he threatens to quit his job point out again that you are happy for him to do so, does he realise that instead of his 3 thousand a month current take home pay he will go down to 150 per month JSA and you are still entitled to claim CM from that.?

The problem is

He’s not obliged to spend lots on clothes and after school clubs and hobbies etc

He could just shut all additional spending down

He wouldn’t be the first. And he wouldn’t be tha last

Op

Send him a list of all expenditure related to the children
Include hair cuts etc
Everything

Then say… I’ve done this as a starting point for discussions on what you think is reasonable

He will see the extra cost involved

Very unlikely that he will bend

But then… you approach CM’s knowing you tried to mediate

OP has already applied for CMS..

its in her update

Problem with sending costs (my ex asked for this) is that without his money costs are kept incredibly low. Hair cuts are a home job, days out are non existent, school uniform is charity and hand me downs. These men think because we can 'manage" with low or no maintenance, that's justification.

The kids should have a lifestyle commensurate with what their life would be like if their parents were together. Of course you're not being greedy OP. Well done for claiming!

If not contributing

Two columns
One to show what you’re spending and all the cuts and what that means for the children

And a second column that lists costs (reasonable) if you had the money so that children didn’t suffer

@Marni83

If not contributing

Two columns
One to show what you’re spending and all the cuts and what that means for the children

And a second column that lists costs (reasonable) if you had the money so that children didn’t suffer

Good idea

@essieestherson

No idea how long it takes or when he will be informed.. doubt CMS even have his up to date address.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Any news @essieestherson?