I need to get my thoughts together and I know exactly what my best mate would say but a) he is male and b) doesn’t have the best relationship history.
So I’ve been single for about two years after a horrific break up that took me a while to get over. I’ve accomplished loads in that period and am happy with myself at the moment. I don’t need a relationship but I do miss having someone.
I started seeing someone a couple of months ago, initially I didn’t think there was much of a spark when we were texting but he was nice enough - but then after a few weeks something definitely turned a corner.
We’ve not spoken in great detail about finances but he works full time for his local council, I think from piecing bits together he earns maybe 20-23k? I earn 10k more. He was renting a room but his landlord sold the house so is now staying with his mom whilst saving up for a deposit. He’s 30, I’m 34, he lives around an hour away but typically comes to me as I live on my own.
The first time we went out, he suggested we split the bill. I didn’t have an issue with that. Second, third and fourth times, he came to mine, we ordered dinner and I paid. The second and third were cheap (maybe a tenner between us both times) but the third was about 40 quid and at that point I was a bit 
After that, he suggested we go to a restaurant for dinner and the day before, he said he’d pay - which I thought was nice and a way of acknowledging he was aware I’d paid the last three times.
Next time, he came round, I paid - it was my ‘turn’, I thought. The time after that, we were ordering in and I told him it was his turn. He looked a bit surprised but said ok, though commented that at 45 quid, he hoped it was good. It was 45 coz he’d added a tenners worth of sides that HE wanted!
I then paid the last time. He knows I’ve got this week off work coz it’s my birthday and he suggested we go out for drinks and dinner yesterday which sounded lovely. He said he’d pick the restaurant, sent me a link and when I said how nice it looked, he said something like ‘yes but I’ve not looked at the prices yet’. He also said he’d come to mine beforehand (where we were going is roughly in the middle of where we both live). I told him that I usually get a taxi to the train station and then a train into town, but if there were two of us, a taxi straight into town would work out the same price - he said ‘that’s fine if we’re splitting it’…..
I thought it might be his way of saying he was on a budget (not something he’s ever bought up before) so I suggested we could do something cheaper if he wanted. He came over yesterday and I didn’t feel great so we decided to stay in. I suggested we could cook dinner with what I already had in, or go to the supermarket to get something - but he said he’d rather get a takeaway. He ordered it on the phone and asked if they took cards so I assumed he was paying - at this point, my (unspoken) logic was that it was his ‘turn’ and it was my birthday.
Food gets delivered and suddenly he can’t find his card. I give him mine to pay and he does so. If I’d been in that position, I’d have been mortified but would have offered to transfer it to the other person. No such offer.
So I’m at a bit of a loss really. I’m not typically that obsessed with money or who pays for what - I don’t mind at all taking it in turns and feel that it generally evens itself out. But I’m starting to get resentful about it now, and I’m noticing it more and more.
These comments about money really take the shine off things a bit! If I was in that position, I wouldn’t expect to be paid for but I’d definitely suggest cheaper things or offer to cook for someone.
A few weeks ago, he was over and he suggested staying the night - I was a bit thrown and said no. The next time he came over, he fell asleep but then basically wouldn’t get up, made out he was falling back to sleep. It was like he was expecting me to just cave? I told him three times he needed to get up and ended up turning the light on and leaving the room before he actually did it.
In a lot of ways, he’s great - he’s really nice, he’s engaging, he pays attention to what i say and is very generous with his attention. He’s close to his brother and the only day they both have off is Saturdays so he spends all day on Saturday with his brother, which does mean the things we can do are limited.
Sometimes I feel a bit Pearl-clutchy about things, so I don’t know whether I’m just overthinking these things. I would never dream of inviting myself to stay over, I’d wait to be invited.
I suppose what I’m asking is…. Is there another viewpoint I’m not seeing on the money side of things? It only became noticeable after the third time I ended up paying but it feels like he’s happy to let me pay. If he’d genuinely lost his card (and it did turn up once at my house after falling out of his pocket so it’s not outside the realms of possibility) and offered to transfer the cost of dinner, or even half, I wouldn’t feel quite so…. Used.