Page 29 | Be honest. If a man expected you...

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 2021-08-31T15:25:16+00:00

to split the bill on a first date would it put you off?

AhNowTed · 02/09/2021 19:45

It's like a tragic parody of that Little Britain sketch...

"I'M A LADY!"

VulvaTeeth · 02/09/2021 19:56

Was "feminine energy" ever clarified?
Because I'm not sure I'm doing mine right.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 19:56

Ha! Child rearing of my 4 children has never been 50/50. 90/10 - me bring the main carer.

FTEngineerM · 02/09/2021 19:58

That’s the life you chose @Itsnotover
It’s 50/50 here.

FTEngineerM · 02/09/2021 19:58

@AhNowTed

It's like a tragic parody of that Little Britain sketch...

"I'M A LADY!"

😂

coffeepleeease · 02/09/2021 19:59

Nope, this happened with my now husband.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 20:01

@FTEngineerM

That’s the life you chose *@Itsnotover* It’s 50/50 here.

That's bollocks. You think you're superior because you were lucky enough to get someone who does 50/50 childcare?

My children's dads are workaholics. It was never 50/50. And that's the case for most women I know. Except one couple where the mum earned more so the dad was a SAHD.

FTEngineerM · 02/09/2021 20:24

@Itsnotover don’t you think it’s a little ironic that you’re now bleating being ‘inferior’ because you do 90% of the child rearing yet you’re also agreeing with the ‘feminine energy’ and ‘dating rituals’ being the right thing to do because a woman couldn’t possibly be seen as equal.

As I said, the life you chose, so I’m assuming you’re happy with it.

VulvaTeeth · 02/09/2021 20:27

See, my husband is, according to this thread:
Tightfisted
Lazy
Emotionally selfish
Selfish in bed
Emasculated
Rude
Unenthusiastic about me
Signalling that this is "as good as it gets"
Views me as a "friend he can have sex with"
... Because we split the bill on our first date. He's also lying about being attracted to me, apparently. Bastard.

But he looks after our children 50:50. (Am also quite fond of the poor, benighted, emasculated sod). Which is a thousand times preferable for me over him giving off masculine energies, by way of a free meal.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 20:42

[quote FTEngineerM]@Itsnotover don’t you think it’s a little ironic that you’re now bleating being ‘inferior’ because you do 90% of the child rearing yet you’re also agreeing with the ‘feminine energy’ and ‘dating rituals’ being the right thing to do because a woman couldn’t possibly be seen as equal.

As I said, the life you chose, so I’m assuming you’re happy with it.[/quote]

Well it seems that you are saying that clearly your way works better because your dh does 50% and whilst I can see that from your perspective this would make sense. I don't think it's that simple.

Wrapitupgood · 02/09/2021 20:55

Men who are tight with money also tend to be tight with their emotional intimacy and are selfish in bed.

OMG people keep saying stuff like this. Do they really not see how hypocritical and self-contradictory it is?

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money".

But a woman assuming that a man will pay ALL of it, isn't?

C'mon. Seriously?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2021 21:01

Not to mention plenty of men will assume if they're bankrolling the lifestyle, they don't also have to be overly obliging to a women's needs in bed. Plenty of guys will happily flash the cash and still roll over to sleep before their partner reaches orgasm

SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2021 21:05

And yes can we clarify feminine energy so i ensure i only woosh it at DH and not my male friends who will actually pay for my dinner when we go out

JassyRadlett · 02/09/2021 21:06

That's bollocks. You think you're superior because you were lucky enough to get someone who does 50/50 childcare?

I don’t think it’s pure luck. I think it’s recognising what your priorities and boundaries and dealbreakers are, and clarity before deciding to have kids on how things will work. It started by establishing that we’d both take time out in the first year (it was the first year of shared parental leave). If he hadn’t been willing to do that, I might not have had kids with him despite desperately wanting kids, because it would have been a really worrying signal about how he saw childcare and whose role it was. However, he did it enthusiastically with both kids and many of his friends took shared leave with their younger kids after seeing him do it.

My husband I both work a lot. We’d both have been described as workaholics before kids. I’m better at compartmentalising than he is; he finds it hard to switch off and there have been occasions where work has started to take over and given priority over mine and over his share of the childcare. And I’ve been really clear that I’m not up for that. Most of the time he hasn’t realised it was happening and he was mortified. It’s happened to me once, and he pulled me up on it too.

Is it luck that I’ve had kids with a man who does half the childcare and housework? Well, it’s luck that I met him when there seem to be so many shit men out there. But it’s not luck that I married and had kids with someone decent; I wouldn’t have done those things if he wasn’t.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 21:10

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money

If a guy really likes you he will want to pay. He will want to make a good impression. That is not the same thing as expecting the man to pay for everything, now and forever more.

AhNowTed · 02/09/2021 21:12

@Wrapitupgood

Men who are tight with money also tend to be tight with their emotional intimacy and are selfish in bed.

OMG people keep saying stuff like this. Do they really not see how hypocritical and self-contradictory it is?

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money".

But a woman assuming that a man will pay ALL of it, isn't?

C'mon. Seriously?

I know, it's HILARIOUS!

dontwantausername · 02/09/2021 21:15

@FTEngineerM Hold up! I'm not batting my eyelashes and I'm assuming he does think I look lovely and isn't full of shit.

Feminine energy is not about being an air head with eyelashes. It's the vibes you're giving off. I suppose it's more being receptive and giving more relaxed submissive vibes, it doesn't mean you are submissive you're just allowing them to take on the role of a man and to see how they perform they're kind of auditioning after all, so you sit back and receive, compliments, good manners, respectful affection and them organising the date and paying. If they want to go Dutch, let's just say they ain't getting through to the next round! I'm not looking for a chum to go for meals with I'm looking for a man to cherish me.

As for online dating you can filter out a lot of wasters by making it clear (in the sweetest way possible) it's their job to choose a venue and book it. A lot of men fall at this hurdle which is fine you're not invested whatsoever. The ones who are come up trumps, they're pleased that they planned and executed an enjoyable date. Everyone is happy.

I see woman emasculate men by paying and organising them like children. I can't imagine that to be a pleasurable encounter for either party, just seems stressful to me.

AhNowTed · 02/09/2021 21:17

@Itsnotover

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money

If a guy really likes you he will want to pay. He will want to make a good impression. That is not the same thing as expecting the man to pay for everything, now and forever more.

Can you explain why a "good impression" means he'll pay?

What about YOUR good impression, i.e. I pay my own way and don't expect a man to sub me, because.. well for no good reason that I can discern.

AhNowTed · 02/09/2021 21:21

Shit.. copy paste fail.

Should read

What about YOUR good impression, i.e. I pay my own way and don't expect a man to sub me.

FFS!

Comedycook · 02/09/2021 21:22

Feminine energy is not about being an air head with eyelashes. It's the vibes you're giving off. I suppose it's more being receptive and giving more relaxed submissive vibes, it doesn't mean you are submissive you're just allowing them to take on the role of a man and to see how they perform they're kind of auditioning after all, so you sit back and receive, compliments, good manners, respectful affection and them organising the date and paying. If they want to go Dutch, let's just say they ain't getting through to the next round! I'm not looking for a chum to go for meals with I'm looking for a man to cherish me

I understand this. So many posters on here seem to be approaching romantic relationships like a job selection process where equality is key. In a romantic relationship, I don't see why adopting a feminine or masculine role is seen as so controversial.

dontwantausername · 02/09/2021 21:23

@AhNowTed

Wrapitupgood
Men who are tight with money also tend to be tight with their emotional intimacy and are selfish in bed.

OMG people keep saying stuff like this. Do they really not see how hypocritical and self-contradictory it is?

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money".

But a woman assuming that a man will pay ALL of it, isn't?

C'mon. Seriously?

I know, it's HILARIOUS!

Regardless of sex stingy men and women should be avoided they make terrible friends and lovers. I am generous as are my friends. This isn't about money It's expectations.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 21:25

vm.tiktok.com/ZMRDJ9Tm9/

Enough said

LargeBouquet · 02/09/2021 21:27

[quote dontwantausername]@FTEngineerM Hold up! I'm not batting my eyelashes and I'm assuming he does think I look lovely and isn't full of shit.

Feminine energy is not about being an air head with eyelashes. It's the vibes you're giving off. I suppose it's more being receptive and giving more relaxed submissive vibes, it doesn't mean you are submissive you're just allowing them to take on the role of a man and to see how they perform they're kind of auditioning after all, so you sit back and receive, compliments, good manners, respectful affection and them organising the date and paying. If they want to go Dutch, let's just say they ain't getting through to the next round! I'm not looking for a chum to go for meals with I'm looking for a man to cherish me.

As for online dating you can filter out a lot of wasters by making it clear (in the sweetest way possible) it's their job to choose a venue and book it. A lot of men fall at this hurdle which is fine you're not invested whatsoever. The ones who are come up trumps, they're pleased that they planned and executed an enjoyable date. Everyone is happy.

I see woman emasculate men by paying and organising them like children. I can't imagine that to be a pleasurable encounter for either party, just seems stressful to me.

[/quote]
You get that there’s a happy medium where both people involved behave like normal, mutually-respectful human beings, rather than one pretending to be submissive while one does some kind of masterful man performance of ‘executing a successful date’, or man child and mummy?

Do you think that if the woman chooses the wine, the man’s dick immediately drops off before she can say ‘Cabernet’?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2021 21:28

@Itsnotover

A man assuming that a woman will pay HER HALF of the bill is "tight with money

If a guy really likes you he will want to pay. He will want to make a good impression. That is not the same thing as expecting the man to pay for everything, now and forever more.

I don't need a man to flash his wallet to make a good impression. Sense of humour, connection, similar political leanings etc.

Anon778833 · 02/09/2021 21:30

I don't need a man to flash his wallet to make a good impression. Sense of humour, connection, similar political leanings etc.

He could have that with any number of people 🤷🏻‍♀️