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Original poster

Be honest. If a man expected you...

871 replies

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 31/08/2021 16:25

to split the bill on a first date would it put you off?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 01/09/2021 02:57

Not RTFT

No I would suggest it.

If he insisted I would not be keen.

SD1978 · 01/09/2021 03:15

Wouldn't bother me at all- I'm happy to take turns with bills or split.

Willthewashingeverend · 01/09/2021 03:22

I would never have a meal on a first date as I used to be too nervous. However for drinks....If I wasn't keen on him and didn't want to carry on then I would split 50:50 and leave. If I did like him then I would wait and see what he said. If he offered to pay then I would accept only if we went for another drink somewhere else afterwards and I paid. If he didn't offer then of course I would assume 50:50.

MojoJojo71 · 01/09/2021 03:34

Absolutely not, I’d expect to pay my share

Newmum29 · 01/09/2021 03:59

Yes but I’d always offer to get drinks after

interest12 · 01/09/2021 04:15

Umm no. And if he insisted on paying, I'd expect him to say you can get it next time.

1forAll74 · 01/09/2021 04:44

NO, I always pay for my own meals and any drinks, and would establish this before eating, to save any waffle about money after.

sofato5miles · 01/09/2021 05:57

On Tinder dates, if more expensive than a quick coffee, i would always INSIST on paying half. Then there is no room for 'my turn next time' or worse, an expectation of some sort of sex . If it was just a coffee and they insisted 🤷🏻‍♀️ Meh i didn't argue.

My boyfriend, whom i met on Tinder though it turned out we had loads of mutual friends, (some across continents!) insisted on paying on our first proper date as it was really important to him to show that he matched what he perceived is my lifestyle and he wanted to be seen as a proper contender. This is just how some men work.

Tbh i was so desperate to get back to his and finally shag after a week of chatting and two casual coffees (at his, so no previous bills), i cared not a jot.

We now take turns about 5:1 as he is childless and comfortable and i have more life expenses (kids etc). But we are fully, fully together as a couple planning our future together. Also in around 5 years time, it is v likely that i will out earn him, so it'll be my turn to put more in the pot.

RantyAunty · 01/09/2021 07:06

Yes, I'd be turned off and wouldn't see him again.

justmetoday · 01/09/2021 07:10

He should pay. If hes not even willing to pay for a first date id think hes cheap and stingy and wouldnt see him again.
I would invite him on the second date if i like him though.

NotaCoolMum · 01/09/2021 07:31

Yes! It’s just politeness- nothing wrong with it!

gogohm · 01/09/2021 07:33

@JassyRadlett

At least I'm not the only one

ohfook · 01/09/2021 07:42

No I'd expect it. Then after a while when you're more comfortable with each other would hope to get into more of a I'll pay this time and you pay next time sort of arrangement.

I find it more awkward when people dance around it. I've lived in other countries where it was normal to just go 'ok your share is €12.75' and I quite liked that. I've often wondered if the whole I'll pay, no here's my half, no don't worry about it - well I mean only if you want to is a British thing?

ohfook · 01/09/2021 07:45

I also wonder if it's linked to age. When I was younger the consensus was whoever asked the person out paid for the first date but then after than it would be split 50/50. Now I think due to online dating people go on a lot more first dates so splitting seems fairer.

StarlightLady · 01/09/2021 07:46

I would always insist on half.

Partyowl · 01/09/2021 07:49

On line dating - I’d expect to pay half.
If I’d been asked out in the old fashioned way I’d offer to pay my share, but would be disappointed if he accepted!

Ivysaurusrex · 01/09/2021 07:50

It depends. If I invited the man on the date I would expect to pay. If he invited me he should pay. You don't invite someone for dinner and expect to go 50/50 unless good friends/family.

knittingaddict · 01/09/2021 07:52

No and I would prefer it that way. Not that I go on any dates myself, but my daughter has done OLD.

In my younger days it would have been more appropriate for the man to pay, but when you are dating complete strangers and only meeting to see if it has a chance of working, then neither side should be out of pocket.

Rocaille · 01/09/2021 07:52

He's got to pay. This is bare minimum courtship behaviour.

HateJudgmentalPeople · 01/09/2021 07:55

Whoever asked who out should pay.

knittingaddict · 01/09/2021 07:57

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Okay so... and come on guys it's just a hypothetical wondering no need to get heated :-)

He orders fillet steak. £28. You order a plate of pasta. £7.50. One bottle of wine between you. Then he springs the suggestion on you.

Would you be so happy to split it 50/50 then?! I personally wouldn't class this as a man seeing a woman as equal. I'd see it as him being a shameless, freeloading pisstaker. (That's regardless of whether it's a first date, second or an actual boyfriend).

I like to treat them. I like to be treated back. But when it's shared generally I absolutely HATE going 50/50... and yes this still applies if it's me who has ordered a fillet steak.

Well you never mentioned 50/50 in your op.

As I said in my previous post, no one should be out of pocket, so if the food ordered is that unequal then you pay for your own food and drinks only with 50% of the tip added on.

KidneyBeans · 01/09/2021 07:57

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Okay so... and come on guys it's just a hypothetical wondering no need to get heated :-)

He orders fillet steak. £28. You order a plate of pasta. £7.50. One bottle of wine between you. Then he springs the suggestion on you.

Would you be so happy to split it 50/50 then?! I personally wouldn't class this as a man seeing a woman as equal. I'd see it as him being a shameless, freeloading pisstaker. (That's regardless of whether it's a first date, second or an actual boyfriend).

I like to treat them. I like to be treated back. But when it's shared generally I absolutely HATE going 50/50... and yes this still applies if it's me who has ordered a fillet steak.

But that's not the scenario you implied in your OP.

If your communication skills are as poor as this drip feed in RL then I don't think it's just bill-splitting you need to be concerned with when dating

seasidehouse · 01/09/2021 07:58

If you were both local then yes 50/50 however if it was OLD and one had travelled and incurred travel costs of a fair amount I would expect that the one who didn't travel to have paid to make it more even

LargeBouquet · 01/09/2021 08:02

@Rocaille

He's got to pay. This is bare minimum courtship behaviour.
This is a first date. No one involved has had a chance to decide whether this in any way approximate to a ‘courtship’ situation.
FreeBritnee · 01/09/2021 08:02

No