Be honest. If a man expected you...

[AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit]

to split the bill on a first date would it put you off?

It would definitely put me off!! From my experience generous and half decent blokes want to treat and impress you in the beginning! Don’t care if it’s old fashioned, I’m generous myself but in the early days I find most men insist on paying if they’re really into you.

.... Feel I'm going mad here. Why aren't women tight, unromantic, lazy etc why is the expectation on men to pay for first date? It's just sexist. Can't believe how some on here are then extrapolating to domestic duties when married with children?! This has been too much internet for one day

Yes and I wouldn’t see him again

Having a man pay for food on a date doesn’t make him “controlling” “being in charge of finances” or “expecting sex” it’s frightening that so many women see chivalry that way. So you would prefer for a man to walk in before you into a restaurant, not pull your chair out, then after the meal calculate how much you ate and drank so that you can pay for yourself?

No and it would put me off if they insisted.

@ShimmyYay

Having a man pay for food on a date doesn’t make him “controlling” “being in charge of finances” or “expecting sex” it’s frightening that so many women see chivalry that way. So you would prefer for a man to walk in before you into a restaurant, not pull your chair out, then after the meal calculate how much you ate and drank so that you can pay for yourself?

I genuinely have no preference who walks in first. Is this a thing? I can pull my own chair out. Can’t you? I don’t need a date to tell me how much I owe. I can work that out myself or divide the bill by two. It isn’t hard.

What do you do when the bill comes? Just sit there like a lemon?

Yes. If a man expected me to go 50:50 on the first date I probably wouldn't see him again.

Okay so... and come on guys it's just a hypothetical wondering no need to get heated :-)

He orders fillet steak. £28. You order a plate of pasta. £7.50. One bottle of wine between you. Then he springs the suggestion on you.

Would you be so happy to split it 50/50 then?! I personally wouldn't class this as a man seeing a woman as equal. I'd see it as him being a shameless, freeloading pisstaker. (That's regardless of whether it's a first date, second or an actual boyfriend).

I like to treat them. I like to be treated back. But when it's shared generally I absolutely HATE going 50/50... and yes this still applies if it's me who has ordered a fillet steak.

I also hate going 50:50 for the exact reasons you gave OP - so if he wanted to split the bill in those circumstances I’d say no, I’ll pay for what I’d eaten, and definitely wouldn’t see him again.

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Okay so... and come on guys it's just a hypothetical wondering no need to get heated :-)

He orders fillet steak. £28. You order a plate of pasta. £7.50. One bottle of wine between you. Then he springs the suggestion on you.

Would you be so happy to split it 50/50 then?! I personally wouldn't class this as a man seeing a woman as equal. I'd see it as him being a shameless, freeloading pisstaker. (That's regardless of whether it's a first date, second or an actual boyfriend).

I like to treat them. I like to be treated back. But when it's shared generally I absolutely HATE going 50/50... and yes this still applies if it's me who has ordered a fillet steak.

With a big discrepancy like, if he says “shall we split 50:50?”, I’d say we should pay for what we had. I’d be unimpressed with the unfair division. This comes up al the time splitting as a big group when some people have drunk lots and some haven’t.

But there's a difference between split it and 50/50?

I'd say 'sure, I think mine worked out at £15?' And pay that.

@PolMuggle Apologies. Most "split" nightmares described on here be it friends in large groups or dates, usually just refers to right down the middle (hence the dramas) x

Hell no. Any woman who lets a msn pay on the first date needs a massive shake

It would put me off and it shouldn't.

I think whatever the circumstances, date or otherwise, if one person has clearly ordered food/drink that are vastly more expensive than the other person/people, they should have the decency and self-awareness to offer to pay more than 50/50. Even if it’s just volunteering to pay the tip or something.

@ShimmyYay

Having a man pay for food on a date doesn’t make him “controlling” “being in charge of finances” or “expecting sex” it’s frightening that so many women see chivalry that way. So you would prefer for a man to walk in before you into a restaurant, not pull your chair out, then after the meal calculate how much you ate and drank so that you can pay for yourself?

I wouldn’t expect a man to do any of these, no I’ve never given any thought to who walks in first, I’m perfectly capable of pulling my chair out and looking at the bill myself when it arrives.

@Comedycook

If only the men who think splitting the bill is a noble act cared so much about splitting caring and domestic duties ..

This!

@ShimmyYay

Having a man pay for food on a date doesn’t make him “controlling” “being in charge of finances” or “expecting sex” it’s frightening that so many women see chivalry that way. So you would prefer for a man to walk in before you into a restaurant, not pull your chair out, then after the meal calculate how much you ate and drank so that you can pay for yourself?

Your internalised misogyny is showing. ‘Chivalry’ is the purportedly benevolent face of patriarchy. Women are still fighting on a number of fronts for equality, not to be treated like fragile dollies who need protecting by men performing that kind of protective paternalism nonsense.

It would put me off if he'd asked me on the date and didn't offer to pay. I'd offer next time we went out though.

@ShimmyYay

Having a man pay for food on a date doesn’t make him “controlling” “being in charge of finances” or “expecting sex” it’s frightening that so many women see chivalry that way. So you would prefer for a man to walk in before you into a restaurant, not pull your chair out, then after the meal calculate how much you ate and drank so that you can pay for yourself?

It’s frightening how many women see chivalry as anything other than sexist in this day and age! As a PP said, I can open doors myself and don’t care who walks through first. I’m not a small child, I can pull my own chair out. If I was splitting a bill, I would not expect a man to calculate how much I would need to pay. I’d pick it up and look for myself and say something like, “It’s £80, let’s go halves.” Or, “I’ll get this, you can get the next one.”

Do you just sit there waiting for a man to deal with the bill, one way or another, simply because he has a penis?!

No. It's what I'd expect and prefer.

no. I would expect to pay my share. My now husband was the first in my post divorce date life that had the balls to say to me up front, that although he had a good job, he was raising 2 young sons on his own, and could pay for some dates..but they would be cheap dates... a game of pool...some icecream.. mini golf etc. I totally respected that as a single mother. He has been my husband now for almost 20 years...adopted my daughter.. and makes six figures now. That I helped him to achieve as I took care of all three of our kids, and the house and all the cooking etc while he worked full time and went to school to upgrade. He never has minimized my contribution to our family, and when the business i worked for went up for sale, it was not an issue that i said i wanted the money to buy it. He also helps me constantly there...fixing every damn thing that breaks down for me lol. I will never regret insisting on going halfs, He was very blunt about it. He did not expect me to pay for him..and he would pay for cheapy dates ,,but could not afford to wine and dine me.. Worked out for me. He is on our couch right now and i just brought the love of my life a tea. It is not about money. It is about love. since that day his income has increased so very much. our home is paid for, and i am on every account and he never questions me about what i have spent. I say.. be honest from the get go and do not discount someone because they want to share expenses up front!

[quote Boatonthehorizon]@CoffeeTopUp
Haircut / colour £90
Nails £25
Eyebrows £10
Dress £50
Shoes £30
New tights £5

£210 and thats doing it cheaply. Expense is one of the reasons I dont bother any more.[/quote]
I'd never do any of that to the impress a man on a date. Seems a bit ott to me. Why not just a dress from your wardrobe and a bit of makeup.

Walking in before me- no. But then, it's just good manners to let other people go before you, if you get there first. I do it to men and women.

Pulling the chair out for me- wouldn't like that.

After the meal- 'shall we go halves?'. Easy. What if the poor bloke never gets any 2nd dates?

[quote Stigofthedump40]@coffeeTopUp yes precisely.. i also think women are better placed looking after the home while men work.. it is very old school and very sexist but it is how i was raised and thankfully my partner has the same views.. he pays for everything, brings money home and i look after our children. He pays on all our dates even now.. it makes him feel like the man[/quote]
Hmmm…I’d take more of an each to their own view. You can’t say “women are better placed looking after the home while men work”, you might feel like you are but most women these days don’t feel like that or want that. Their partners don’t either. Why are lesbian and gay couples supposed to do in this strange 1950s world of yours? As I said, you’re welcome to live your life as you please but you can’t just make sweeping statements like “women should…”