Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Conversation with bf about sexual partners

167 replies

BonneMaman15 · 31/08/2021 14:54

So last night bf of 8 months & I were chatting over text & he asked how many sexual partners I've had. I was surprised by the question, so I just replied with a 😂, and he said "that means a lot"
I then asked "you?" & he said "I asked you first etc"
I didn't respond, so a few mins later he texted "still counting?"
I just replied with "2"
Him : I think you missed the 3 before the 2
Me: 😲 No. Less than that.
Him: It must be too many to admit too .......oh dear 🙈🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

No further texting as it was a pointless conversation from my point of view, but then, the baffling part, he didn't text goodnight & good morning which he always does without fail (I did). Tried calling today during his lunch break, he didn't answer. Texted "are you ok?" No response, but messages read.

What the heck is going on here?!?

OP posts:
Hrpuffnstuff1 · 01/09/2021 12:43

Where has he shamed her?
It looks like he decided she's not for him, it could be a combination of things.

People judge each other all the time.
Mrs. Huff got a right boo when I told her what I'd done, I reflected on what she said and appreciated her comments and point of view.

reighn · 01/09/2021 12:51

Has maybe someone put shit into his head ? I've had this before from jealous people stirring the pot but was proven completely wrong. I've seen my friends partners been lured by there friends with questions about there partners took

reighn · 01/09/2021 12:53

He sounds like he's very manipulative, if that was me I would completely
Go WEEEEEKS without texting he sounds like he wants you to beg for forgiveness for absolutely nothing.. walk away before the 1 year mark it's only been 8months and he's starting this it will only get worse , I've been there 😭

HarrietOh · 01/09/2021 12:55

Wow. Massive red flag, especially his reaction. Avoid!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/09/2021 14:20

@Driftingblue

I’m of the “your having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with” generation.

Can you see though that with a clean bill of sexual health (as STD tests are more routine and less stigmatised now) this doesn't make sense?

EarthSight · 01/09/2021 14:21

@BonneMaman15

So last night bf of 8 months & I were chatting over text & he asked how many sexual partners I've had. I was surprised by the question, so I just replied with a 😂, and he said "that means a lot" I then asked "you?" & he said "I asked you first etc" I didn't respond, so a few mins later he texted "still counting?" I just replied with "2" Him : I think you missed the 3 before the 2 Me: 😲 No. Less than that. Him: It must be too many to admit too .......oh dear 🙈🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

No further texting as it was a pointless conversation from my point of view, but then, the baffling part, he didn't text goodnight & good morning which he always does without fail (I did). Tried calling today during his lunch break, he didn't answer. Texted "are you ok?" No response, but messages read.

What the heck is going on here?!?

Texted "are you ok?" No response, but messages read

Could be a coincidence but it's something to keep an eye on.

If this happens again I would say that instead of discussing the issue with you like he should, his usual way of dealing with conflict is to punish people with silence and sulking, hoping you'll chase after him and comfort him. Don't.

Pinkbonbon · 01/09/2021 14:53

Any news from him op?
Hope you are resisting any urges to text him again!

Original poster
BonneMaman15 · 01/09/2021 15:03

No I haven't texted him. I usually would, he has given me the silent treatment before & I would usually go running, but I'm just so tired & fed up of doing it now.
He's probably surprised at this because he made up a silly reason to text me:
"Could you send me the details of....thanks" - details he could've easily searched his previous texts for.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 01/09/2021 15:13

Pft, if he has form for this silent treatment bs, I think I'd be tempted to just block him and have done with it xD

Its not as if you would owe him an explanation for why he's being dumped because he knows fine well he is a mind fucking dick. Though I'm sure he'll try to convince you otherwise.

WhoIsPepeSilva · 01/09/2021 16:05

Yup that text is the start of him trying to wiggle back in, don't let him.

Excelthetube · 01/09/2021 16:09

Just block him. There is literally no need for any further contact!

OnceTheyDid · 01/09/2021 16:10

Honestly any man who tried to make you feel bad and gives you the silent treatment is a manipulative, abusive arsehole.

Get rid of him. You deserve more.

SummerHouse · 01/09/2021 16:15

He shouldn't have asked.
He shouldn't have implied you had loads (so what if you did).
He shouldn't have done a load of childish emoji's.
He shouldn't have ignored you.

He is a grade A jealous twat. Run for the hills.

Villanelle17 · 01/09/2021 16:23

@AtrociousCircumstance

He’s a sexist controlling douchebag and he’s punishing you for not answering him and not being apologetic.

If he crawls back, dump with impunity.

This. I'd be running from him if he gets back in touch.
IWantT0BreakFree · 01/09/2021 16:23

Where has he shamed her?

He said her number of past sexual partners "must be too many to mention" (too many = bad/wrong) and then added a load of childish running-away emojis which means he considers the "crime" of having "too many" lovers to be a reason for him to leave the relationship. Of course he shamed her!

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 01/09/2021 18:02

Do you actually want to end the relationship OP?
Or are you just playing him at his own game for a bit and making him sweat?

grapewine · 01/09/2021 18:04

@AtrociousCircumstance

He’s a sexist controlling douchebag and he’s punishing you for not answering him and not being apologetic.

If he crawls back, dump with impunity.

Prett much what I thought. He sounds like an arse with a very fragile ego, really.
trulyconfuseddotcom · 01/09/2021 18:07

Christ, you've had a lucky escape! If this is happening at 8 months, god only knows what his future behaviour would be like. You should tell him it's 500.

HollowTalk · 01/09/2021 18:10

@AtrociousCircumstance

He’s a sexist controlling douchebag and he’s punishing you for not answering him and not being apologetic.

If he crawls back, dump with impunity.

Exactly! I wouldn't see him again after that conversation, but especially not for ignoring you afterwards.
billy1966 · 01/09/2021 18:14

@trulyconfuseddotcom

Christ, you've had a lucky escape! If this is happening at 8 months, god only knows what his future behaviour would be like. You should tell him it's 500.
This.

He's showing you who he is...a sulking twat.

Believe him and dump.

How unattractive.

pheonixrebirth · 01/09/2021 18:54

@BonneMaman15

No I haven't texted him. I usually would, he has given me the silent treatment before & I would usually go running, but I'm just so tired & fed up of doing it now. He's probably surprised at this because he made up a silly reason to text me: "Could you send me the details of....thanks" - details he could've easily searched his previous texts for.
So your not running after him and he's texting you in a very cool manner to give you a "chance" to engage with him, aren't you lucky. 🤦‍♀️ What a cock, and in his forties. I wonder how many other women didn't meet his puritanical standards?
QueenBee52 · 01/09/2021 19:00

@BonneMaman15

No I haven't texted him. I usually would, he has given me the silent treatment before & I would usually go running, but I'm just so tired & fed up of doing it now. He's probably surprised at this because he made up a silly reason to text me: "Could you send me the details of....thanks" - details he could've easily searched his previous texts for.
I hope you ignored it...
SukonthaM · 01/09/2021 19:01

I hope you didn’t reply to his text op!

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/09/2021 19:17

Hope you ignored the idiot OP.

Mrgrinch · 01/09/2021 19:29

What a pathetic man. I can only assume he's deeply insecure or a male chauvinist. Maybe both.