Conversation with bf about sexual partners

[BonneMaman15]

So last night bf of 8 months & I were chatting over text & he asked how many sexual partners I've had. I was surprised by the question, so I just replied with a 😂, and he said "that means a lot"
I then asked "you?" & he said "I asked you first etc"
I didn't respond, so a few mins later he texted "still counting?"
I just replied with "2"
Him : I think you missed the 3 before the 2
Me: 😲 No. Less than that.
Him: It must be too many to admit too .......oh dear 🙈🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

No further texting as it was a pointless conversation from my point of view, but then, the baffling part, he didn't text goodnight & good morning which he always does without fail (I did). Tried calling today during his lunch break, he didn't answer. Texted "are you ok?" No response, but messages read.

What the heck is going on here?!?

He sounds like a controlling and nasty piece of work

I assume you must be really young as well to have such a conversation over chat

Don't tell him, he'll throw it back in your face. Even better block him!

Apart from the fact that it's none of his business, what do all the little walking emoji men mean? (Sorry don't do emojis.)

If they mean he's walking away then let him.

When I were a daft lass of 21, I told my much older boyf not only how many, but who (small town).

He held it over me the whole time we were together.

Dh has never given a shit.

Ewwwwww he's really showing his true colours. Let us know if/when he responds although I bet you don't even want to talk to him now

IME, the men who ask this question are insecure, jealous, controlling misogynistic assholes.

It's definitely one of those questions that shouldn't be asked. Along with many things it may cross both genders minds but again is best left alone.
I did OLD for a couple of years on & off and on one date after a few glasses of wine a woman asked me my number.
I naively told her as I'd been in a very long relationship for 24 years from 18. She found the low number quite amusing and chuckled 'Are you sure your not gay?" Suffice to say I never saw her again.
I learnt never to share your number again. Men will also ask each other their numbers.

If anyone older than a teenager (at which age a certain amount of insecurity around sex is bearable) asks this, it's an orange light.

If the person (including teenagers) then responds to your answer (which may well be "Oh, I see that as private information sorry") with judgement, shaming, nagging for more details or any other negative or coercive response, it's a red light and the end of the relationship unless they realise they've been awful and apologise profusely.

3,. The answer is always 3.

Just 3.

45 years from now,

Still 3.

That’s how it works 😉

He's in his forties, which makes it all the more unexpected

Reading this I realised my husband of 17 years has never asked this question of me! Never occurred to me before.

What a idiot this guy sounds, what did he want you to say I wonder? .

IME, men who ask you about your sexual history inevitably have an idea of what they consider an ‘acceptable’ number which is misogynistic bullshit in itself.

This is my experience too. You are either a slag, a prude or a liar. There’s no correct answer in the mind of a man who asks this question.

@AmandaHugenkiss

IME, men who ask you about your sexual history inevitably have an idea of what they consider an ‘acceptable’ number which is misogynistic bullshit in itself.

This is my experience too. You are either a slag, a prude or a liar. There’s no correct answer in the mind of a man who asks this question.

Oh god, SO MUCH THIS! Absolutely.

Block the wankstain before he tries to worm his way back .

OP if he does contact you I’d tell him that you haven’t got time to talk as you’re busy shagging someone ( or several people).

Huge red flag this OP. He is punishing you for having a sexual past. Run.

It's nobody's business. I was with my ex for decades and didn't know how many he slept with and he didn't know how many I had. Same with my new partner.

He's acting like a proper knob.

Honestly please don't text this man again. He's a total twat!
None of my previous relationships as well as husband have ever asked and I don't know about my husbands. It's nothing to do with anyone else.

I agree with those saying huge red flag!
My abusive ex asked me that in the early days, and from then on, every problem i had (fibroids, peri menopause etc etc) was my own fault apparently - due to the fact i'd had more partners then him.. take note!

Good riddance to the sexist man! Poor you, that really sucks though.

If any man asks you this in future it is proof positive that they are a grade a misogynist and you should dump him and never look back.

What business is it of anyone's? And what difference would knowing the answer make? None and none so anyone who asks is being a judgey twat.

Would it change his opinion on you if it were 5? 10? 100?
He's known you for 8 months and was presumably happy with you so I cannot fathom why he's interested or what difference it would make.
I feel like he's insinuating your a tart by saying you missed a 3 to make 32 and he's not happy with that number (obviously if you were a man it would be the more the merrier and a high 5!)
He's immature!
Never has the conversation with my DH and wouldn't entertain him if he asked!

I’m of the “your having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with” generation. Sharing a list of the actual people, not just the number was the norm. I don’t understand why people are so precious about sharing a number.

@Driftingblue

I’m of the “your having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with” generation. Sharing a list of the actual people, not just the number was the norm. I don’t understand why people are so precious about sharing a number.

I don't think people are precious about sharing their number. I think it's more a case of being judged. When I revealed my number to someone I was ridiculed so won't be doing that again. If women have a larger number of partners some men will consider it a threat and think of them as 'easy'. Men that have a low number are thought of inexperienced and possibly make poorer lovers. You can't win whatever you say so best say nothing.

@Driftingblue

I’m of the “your having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with” generation. Sharing a list of the actual people, not just the number was the norm. I don’t understand why people are so precious about sharing a number.

But now more people tend to have had STD tests in comparison to years ago when it was more stigmatised to do so.

If you've both got a clean bill of sexual health and like each other as people, what need or requirement would there be know how many people the other has slept with?

@Driftingblue

I’m of the “your having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with” generation. Sharing a list of the actual people, not just the number was the norm. I don’t understand why people are so precious about sharing a number.

It's more normal to both go for STD screens in a new relationship than ask for a list of past shags.