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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Conversation with bf about sexual partners

167 replies

BonneMaman15 · 31/08/2021 14:54

So last night bf of 8 months & I were chatting over text & he asked how many sexual partners I've had. I was surprised by the question, so I just replied with a 😂, and he said "that means a lot"
I then asked "you?" & he said "I asked you first etc"
I didn't respond, so a few mins later he texted "still counting?"
I just replied with "2"
Him : I think you missed the 3 before the 2
Me: 😲 No. Less than that.
Him: It must be too many to admit too .......oh dear 🙈🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

No further texting as it was a pointless conversation from my point of view, but then, the baffling part, he didn't text goodnight & good morning which he always does without fail (I did). Tried calling today during his lunch break, he didn't answer. Texted "are you ok?" No response, but messages read.

What the heck is going on here?!?

OP posts:
Cas112 · 31/08/2021 16:21

@Pinkbonbon

I think a white lie fine there too. As long as its fudging it a little and not three basketball teams worth.
Shut up, she can sleep with 3 basketball teams worth at the same time if she really wanted to, as long as its safe and consensual.
chemicalworld · 31/08/2021 16:25

I asked this of a boyfriend in younger years and he told me it was none of my business, and he was correct. I have never had this conversation with a partner since as what is the point?

It is none of my DP's business how many people I have slept with, so long as I have no STD's, then what does he need to know for? To judge? This is a sign of someone insecure and potentially controlling(I know cos I was that person!)

LittleRedPill · 31/08/2021 16:28

My partner has never asked me this. I’ve never asked him either. Not only do I not want to know (because it’s irrelevant!) but it would be an invasion of his privacy.

IME, men who ask you about your sexual history inevitably have an idea of what they consider an ‘acceptable’ number which is misogynistic bullshit in itself. I’ve learned to run a mile from such men.

Durbeyfield · 31/08/2021 16:30

My ex H asked me this when I was too young to know better than to be honest. Despite the 14 year age gap between us he worked out from my answer that the number ‘per year’ (for me) was actually greater than his and from there on pointed it out as a criticism wherever possible. What an absolute arsehole. So I never told anyone the number after that (can’t remember really!)

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 31/08/2021 16:42

@Guiltypleasures001

He's possibly been showing you the decent boyfriend mask and now it's slipping

Your now supposed to take the punishment beating chase him and apologise
For your many transgressions. Don't get involved step off this particular merry go round, it won't end well. Block and delete lovely seriously

Exactly this!
Pinkbonbon · 31/08/2021 16:48

@Cas112
Never says she couldn't. Stop picking fights where there are none to pick.

Regularsizedrudy · 31/08/2021 16:50

He’s a stupid little prick. Get rid.

Dogfan · 31/08/2021 16:53

I have no problem with discussing this but then he can't judge! He asked! If he didn't think he will like the answer why ask!? Also it all predates your relationship (I assume) so what is it to him? With this guy he wasn't happy with 32 (too many) or 2 (you're a liar). Struggling to know what an acceptable number would be for this guy. As other posters have said it sounds like he asked the question to create a reason he can be angry at you so now you need to run around after him making amends. Childish, manipulative and a massive red flag. I would exit.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2021 16:53

I really hope you're smart enough to dump and block this misogynistic arsehole. Huge red flag.

I've been married for 25 years and my husband has never asked me that question because he knows it's absolutely none of his fucking business. I would dump anyone who asked me that. How dare he think it's his prerogative to know that.

BrokenBananaTantrum · 31/08/2021 16:56

@AtrociousCircumstance

He’s a sexist controlling douchebag and he’s punishing you for not answering him and not being apologetic.

If he crawls back, dump with impunity.

This
Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2021 17:04

It’s like he’s calling you a slag because you’ve (in his head) had multiple sexual partners.

It's not like this, it's exactly this.

LST · 31/08/2021 17:06

Wow I normally give everyone the benefit of the doubt and roll my eyes a lot at the red flag comments you see on here but this would be a deal breaker for me. It's none of his business. Me and DP have been together for 12 years. Have 2 kids and a mortgage and he has no idea how many sexual partners I've had. He's never asked

pheonixrebirth · 31/08/2021 17:07

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

The answer to the question “how many sexual partners have you had?” is “today?”
Genius 😂😂😂😂😂
Ifyoudontlaughyouwillcry · 31/08/2021 17:08

I’m not usually this blunt however…..red flag - tell him to fuck off and when he comes back tell him to fuck off again. We live in the 21st century not the 19th you don’t need this shit in your life!

Original poster
BonneMaman15 · 31/08/2021 17:18

Thank you everyone! He's still "punishing" me with no contact. 🙄 Long May it continue.

OP posts:
tickledtiger · 31/08/2021 17:25

Assume you’re dumped… and if he contacts you again, tell him he’s dumped.

Nothing excuses him talking to someone like that, he’s obviously a twat.

Regularsizedrudy · 31/08/2021 17:27

Also I agree with the previous poster who said he expects you to grovel to him for the horrific transgression of daring to have a life before him. He is trying to train you to know your place. Don’t play his horrible little game. He’s not worth shit.

Flowers500 · 31/08/2021 17:28

What a prize fucking pig

Fuckityfucksake · 31/08/2021 17:35

What a dick!
If he does get back to you when the punishment is over, after telling him to fuckoff, I'd kindly inform him that he was the worst in bed out of them ALL Wink

Blossomandbee · 31/08/2021 17:37

Sounds like he was looking for a way out. He's got nothing to ghost you over, he made a load of (insulting) assumptions and then has gone silent. Pathetic.
Nothing wrong with having that conversation but if he had an issue then he should at least have spoken like an adult. I wouldn't contact him again.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2021 17:40

@BonneMaman15

Thank you everyone! He's still "punishing" me with no contact. 🙄 Long May it continue.
Block him.
gamerchick · 31/08/2021 17:44

Just block him. He's shown his hand and has no problems in giving you the deep freeze when he's pissed off. Just be thankful he's done it so early in, before you're too invested.

Defiantly41 · 31/08/2021 17:45

Well dodged there, this is a massive red flag, good job he showed himself so early and you recognised it.

MadMadMadamMim · 31/08/2021 17:45

I'd block his number and be done. He was fucking out of line to ask the question and his response and texts raise so many red flags he would be over in my book.

Move on. And congratulate yourself on having escaped a twat.

BarryTheKestrel · 31/08/2021 18:00

It is absolutely none of his business. DH only knows how many I've been with because he was around as a friend for all but one of them and there obviously have been none since him.

Unless it's relevant from a sexual health point of view, then it's no one's business how many people you've slept with, be in one or 100.