Child conference and pre proceedings

[Mumtobe2021x]

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

Op. He pushed you when you were pregnant, yes?

@Mumtobe2021x

I am not going to Cancel the agreement. I know full well he is not going to harm the baby. I know this man and I know what he would and wouldn’t do and I can put my life on it that he would not cause no harm to this baby in any way therefore I’m not going to strip the baby of having a relationship with her father when he is not any risk to her and this way of contact is in a supervised safe environment it will give himself a chance to prove himself. Obviously if anything happened at one of these visits the contact would be stopped but I know nothing is going to happen. Yes maybe me and him have got a bad past together. Even the midwife who came to see me told me her and her partner used to Arhue and they used to push each other around , they split up and then got back together and they have children together. Things happen. Everyone has a temper it’s all about how you deal with your temper which is also based on the environment you’re in and who you are around. Around a baby and without me kn the room he’s not going to have a temper. He will also be going on courses to find ways to deal with his temper. But either way he would not do anything to put the baby at risk either way

This isn’t going to end well. You’re in complete denial. I can almost guarantee that on one of his ‘visits’ he will begin to argue with you, possibly even hurt you, and your social worker will be informed. You will almost certainly have the baby removed. You’re putting a violent man before your totally helpless baby. It’s completely your choice to be with who you want to be with, but this a]baby doesn’t have a choice. You’re supposed to be it’s protector!

This thread is just a regurgitation of the last one. It's so pointless. It really is. As a woman who has fled domestic abuse, picked up her child and walked out with the clothes on my back, you make me feel sorry for your child. You don't have it in you to put her or him first. You prioritise the relationship with her abuser father because you don't believe he would harm her. A real mother who cared about their child one modicum would cut all contact with this man and let him take you to court. There are hundreds of women on here fighting for their children. Fighting their abusers. You're a disgrace.

Have you posted about this before?

I'm starting to think you just want the attention. None of what you say makes sense.

OP, I fear this will not end well for you, but your child’s needs will be prioritised by social services, and that is really all that matters. If you want to raise your baby, you need to stop minimising and start listening and doing.

@Pebbledashery

You literally have no idea how to be a mother and protect your child. I hope he's worth it.

This

Stop fishing for attention and sort yourself out. Do you know how serious it is that your baby is under social services before it's born?

@Couldhavebeenme3

They believe he has harmed me

Bloody hell OP, did he or didn't he? I'm not sure the language you're using shows your understanding of how serious the situation is. Your child is at risk of being removed because they suspect you might not be able to keep them safe. It really is that simple - black and white. If he did harm you and you are downplaying it, they will take a much more conservative approach. If he didn't then have they somehow got evidence you can argue against?

Or is she playing everyone off against eachother.

I have to say that the wording of your responses OP makes you come across as sly and less than honest. You should have anger towards your ex, my ex was an abusive twat but nowhere near as bad as yours and I am furious with him still.

I hope that the caseworkers see you as the risk to your baby that you are.

I think the OP just doesn’t know any other way to behave - running around in chaotic circles making it worse for all but not intentionally, more thoughtlessly (literally without real thought at all I mean just reactions) imo. She also just hopes it will all be good and she can tell everyone she knew this.

It’s sad to read this - I get why posters are annoyed at OP but she’s just not getting it for some reason - even if it were all made up I think even that would show someone who needs support - but it can’t be provided effectively from a thread on the internet unfortunately.
OP - honestly I always think things work out one way or another, we all also make mistakes, and get past them, but this situation is the big one for you and all involved - you need to stop, stop still and reflect, calm down and organise yourself - you’ve had some kind words and good advice - as generally though no one can solve this no one wants all this hurt and damage that could continue through yours and others’ lifetimes.

@wewereliars

I have to say that the wording of your responses OP makes you come across as sly and less than honest. You should have anger towards your ex, my ex was an abusive twat but nowhere near as bad as yours and I am furious with him still.

I hope that the caseworkers see you as the risk to your baby that you are.

You don’t even know me at all or my ex so you can’t really tell me I’m going to be a bad mom or he’s going to be a bad dad when you don’t know the whole situation at all

Until you wake up and see their concerns, they will be hovering over you watching your every move for the sake of the helpless baby you will fail to protect.

God you're even defending the two of you as if you're a couple, not even just yourself. You'll be back with him in a month or two.

As I said, I was adopted and so lucky that I was.

You aren't putting your baby first and it's good that it's on someone's radar now.

Good fathers don't push the mother of their baby while that baby is in their stomach. You cannot possibly not get that?!

Yep, all the language in every post makes it clear OP sees the partner being back in the home in the very near future.

I don't think you want to be a bad mum OP but for whatever reason you are hoping that your baby's father can become a good man and father.

I am guesing you are quite young, Iam not, I was with an emotional and sometimes physical abuser for over 25 years. I am also a solicitor, who did some childcare work many years ago, and was adopted as a baby.

So I see your sitiuation from many angles.

You cannot be a good parent with this volient man in your life. Until you see this, your baby is at risk. It really is as simple as that. The social workers are not setting traps for you to clear.They want your baby to be safe.

Please reach out and get support OP, your baby can be the best thing in your life if you let that happen Co operate with the social workers, and mean it.

The child protection conference as others have said will bring together all the professionals and you to talk about what is going well and what the worries are. They will talk at that meeting about whether baby should be classed as a child in need or made subject to a child protection plan. If it is child protection, this means that the professionals already think you baby has suffered or is at risk of significant harm. Research shows already that babies can and do suffer harm in the womb when exposed to domestic violence. A child protection plan means regular visits from the social worker and meetings every 4 weeks to look at how you are keeping/ progressing the child protection plan.

The PLO is the start of legal proceedings. The meeting you talked about is the start of it where they tell you what the concerns are and what you need to do.

It sounds like they are going to run these processes alongside each other. They have several options open to them in terms of what court orders they can apply for in order to safeguard the baby. If they feel that you are not able to safeguard baby and Care for her they will seek to remove her from your care. If that happens they will seek adoption for her either within the family or outside if no viable carers are identified.

OP you're saying we know nothing about you.or the situation, yet you have posted your life on here multiple times?

What do you want from this thread?

Genuine question, do you have a learning difficulty?

Oh, fucking wake up. You’re putting your baby in danger you moron.

What do you think a good mum looks like OP? How do you think she acts, behaves?
What do you think a good Dad looks like?
What does he do that makes him ‘good’?
Are there any difficulties that you think you need to consider to be that good mum?
How do you think little sleep will affect you? And your Dad?

@wewereliars

I don't think you want to be a bad mum OP but for whatever reason you are hoping that your baby's father can become a good man and father.

I am guesing you are quite young, Iam not, I was with an emotional and sometimes physical abuser for over 25 years. I am also a solicitor, who did some childcare work many years ago, and was adopted as a baby.

So I see your sitiuation from many angles.

You cannot be a good parent with this volient man in your life. Until you see this, your baby is at risk. It really is as simple as that. The social workers are not setting traps for you to clear.They want your baby to be safe.

Please reach out and get support OP, your baby can be the best thing in your life if you let that happen Co operate with the social workers, and mean it.

I’m not trying to get back with him in anyway shape or form those days are over 100% but I want to give him a chance to have a relationship with his daughter, this is not me trying to defend him or what not it’s me giving him a chance to have a relationship with his daughter in a way I know will be safe And I know he would keep her safe anyway. Obviously if he did become any sort of danger to her in the slightest then I would not let him see her whatsoever but as it stands I know he will not be any danger to her at all and especially he is goi no to be supervised so if he ever did try and be any sort of danger then he would be out straight away the baby would be taken away from the situation and he would not be allowed to see her again but I’m not going to stop him seeing her when he’s not going to do anything to her. My dad also has no issue with him seeing her my dads met him loads of times and not once has things ever got escalated hence why I think my dad is a safe person to supervise as he’s always been calm around my dad no problems at all so this is a safe way for him to see her daughter and prove himself

Obviously if he did become any sort of danger to her in the slightest then I would not let him see her whatsoever but as it stands I know he will not be any danger to her at all

He
Pushed
You
While
You
Were
Pregnant

@BlueMoon23

The child protection conference as others have said will bring together all the professionals and you to talk about what is going well and what the worries are. They will talk at that meeting about whether baby should be classed as a child in need or made subject to a child protection plan. If it is child protection, this means that the professionals already think you baby has suffered or is at risk of significant harm. Research shows already that babies can and do suffer harm in the womb when exposed to domestic violence. A child protection plan means regular visits from the social worker and meetings every 4 weeks to look at how you are keeping/ progressing the child protection plan.

The PLO is the start of legal proceedings. The meeting you talked about is the start of it where they tell you what the concerns are and what you need to do.

It sounds like they are going to run these processes alongside each other. They have several options open to them in terms of what court orders they can apply for in order to safeguard the baby. If they feel that you are not able to safeguard baby and Care for her they will seek to remove her from your care. If that happens they will seek adoption for her either within the family or outside if no viable carers are identified.

So in what circumstances would they think I’m not able to safeguard the baby?

During PLO or preproceedings you are given the chance to listen, learn and change. The local authority will be gathering evidence during this time. If change doesn't happen they can issue proceedings and then things move very quickly, this can include removal of the child.

The very real reality is the major concern here is that you cannot see that your ex’s actions could have already endangered your child, you are in complete denial about the abuse as if it is normal and as a result are statistically more likely to end up in another abusive relationship and therefore expose your child to emotional and potentially physical harm as well as yourself.

You don’t need to allow him to have any contact and actually you should have insisted that due to the abuse you are not prepared to facilitate contact at your home address and that it must be done at a contact centre, you could easily have said that you are happy to wait in a separate room and if baby needs you then the contact worker can bring them to you, instead you are going out of your way to allow him contact when he hasn’t proven himself to be making any changes. You speak of him maybe doing anger management courses etc but honestly that is not your problem.

What actions are you actually taking? And the fact they have not only placed your child on a child protection plan they are also doing a pre proceeding meeting which suggest they plan to enter care proceedings in the very close future

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Obviously if he did become any sort of danger to her in the slightest then I would not let him see her whatsoever but as it stands I know he will not be any danger to her at all

He
Pushed
You
While
You
Were
Pregnant

We was arguing and I was trying to get into his car to talk and he literally just pulled me out the way he didn’t actually “push” me he moved me out the way so I couldn’t get in his car. He didn’t do it in a way to cause harm

OP he has proved that he is a danger to her. The next time he is a danger to her may kill her.

That is what you can not or will not see and may be the reason you lose her.

Abusive men do not change, and usually get worse when a baby is born.