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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Child conference and pre proceedings

348 replies

Mumtobe2021x · 25/08/2021 21:43

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 16:32

But what do you hope to gain by repeatedly posting and ignore advice

Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 16:32

@Bluntness100

This sounds very familiar op to thr lady who posted at the beginning of the week promising never to see her boyfriend again as ss was going to take the baby away but kept going to his house and he had videos of her outside snd refusing to leave.
It's the same poster
Ibizan · 26/08/2021 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpaceBethSmith · 26/08/2021 16:45

Yes it’s the same poster, she’s been posting for some time now but keeps changing her username, however under the slightest bit of scrutiny it becomes clear who it is.

OP they can get emergency hearings and take your baby, doesn’t matter what they’re saying will or won’t happen, they can’t guarantee anything and they retain the right to get a court order.

MsJinks · 26/08/2021 16:45

I imagine social would prefer you hadn’t gone out of your way to facilitate contact - he could always have applied via court or via social himself - most women with troubling exes particularly those who have no relationship yet with their child will do this. If you said I don’t want him near my baby until he’s done x,y,z at least, or it’s set up safely in a centre etc then it might have appeared you took the risks seriously.
I can’t really advise much - except look at the freedom programme- you can’t seem to understand that even if you knew for a god given fact someone is mr amazing dad, but other agencies thought otherwise then it’s absolutely expected you accept their concerns and put the child above what you know. I appreciate this is very hard to get your head around, but people have had to do this before to keep their child, and any real mr fab dad should actually understand that as at least child can stay with one parent. Actually though, your guy isn’t even mr fab - there’s so much gone on surely you can see how he is perceived as a risk - fair or not in your book - you have to believe he is and act on that.
It’s quite sad to read all this and see where it is going for all involved so I really hope something will click for you soon before that.

Maui69 · 26/08/2021 16:45

Sorry to be blunt OP but if you don't change then your baby will be taken from you.

SpaceBethSmith · 26/08/2021 16:46

You realise he has already assaulted your baby, right? You’re 39 weeks pregnant and he violently pushed you to the ground. Your baby could have died due to that.

LotLessBovver · 26/08/2021 16:49

Like I said , I know he is not going to be any danger to the baby.

But he already HAS been a danger to the baby! He pushed you when you were pregnant. He put the baby's life at risk.

OurChristmasMiracle · 26/08/2021 16:49

You are clearly failing to acknowledge the mental abuse. You are solely concerned with the physical stuff. Your dad/his mum are not going to be seen as reliable witnesses by ss as they have a conflict of interest.

Have you got any counselling for the abuse? Accessed the freedom programme. You sitting nodding saying you will do what they say will mean nothing. They need to be satisfied that you are able to safeguard your child without someone telling you how to and if you can’t it won’t then they will seek to take your child.

nimbuscloud · 26/08/2021 16:50

He broke down your door
The fire brigade witnessed a domestic between the two of you
The police have been called more than once
You don’t seem to care ?

MrsRobbieHart · 26/08/2021 16:52

Like I said , I know he is not going to be any danger to the baby.

Did you know he was going to be a danger to you before he was?

LIZS · 26/08/2021 17:05

Are you very young op, or vulnerable? Engaging is more than allowing them to speak to you. You need to listen and act upon their advice. Ask them to break down what you need to do, in writing. Tell them of any barriers and ask for support. Saying you will is not the same as doing it.

ChequerBoard · 26/08/2021 17:07

@Mumtobe2021x

If he did anything even the slightest thing around the baby even raise his voice in the slightest I would be informing ss and cutting of the contact. But he’s not going to and there are people there supervising him to whiteness this also

He already has. You are pregnant and you had a domestic in public including him shoving you - his pregnant partner.

The baby is already involved.

wewereliars · 26/08/2021 17:08

OP you have shown that you know absolutely nothing.

He has pushed you around while you are pregnant. While you were carrying this baby. He WILL do that again, when you are holding the baby maybe. What might happen then?

Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 17:17

You literally have no idea how to be a mother and protect your child. I hope he's worth it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 18:05

Like I said , I know he is not going to be any danger to the baby.

He HAS ALREADY BEEN A DANGER TO THE BABY.

He pushed you while you were pregnant.

Are you that besotted with this areshole that you're actually willing to risk losing your baby rather than admit that him pushing you was dangerous for you AND your baby?

You need to show them you understand how to put your baby first. You aren't able to show that currently.

I'm adopted. I thank my lucky stars I was. Sometimes it is in the best interest of a child.

Cleverpolly3 · 26/08/2021 18:16

@Mumtobe2021x

You don’t really want advice you just want people to tell you what you want to hear which nobody is going to do because they’re not stupid and in thrall to the piece of shit you’re having a baby with.

I expect the baby will be removed and you’ll be back with him within the next couple of months.

You’re more interested in feeding his abusive ego than proving social services and everyone else wrong.

There are women on this thread and the boards who are literally fighting with everything they have to keep their children safe. Then here you come with this claptrap.

Far better to remove a newborn baby and never let their lives be damaged and chances smashed up by you two than try to fix something that is broken beyond repair.

PwySyddYma · 26/08/2021 18:59

I've been a named professional sat in child conference far to many times sadly.

OP, I'm concerned. There are so many questions I want answered but here isn't the place.

Attend the meetings, listen very carefully to what you are told and what action you must take.

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 19:04

@PwySyddYma

I've been a named professional sat in child conference far to many times sadly.

OP, I'm concerned. There are so many questions I want answered but here isn't the place.

Attend the meetings, listen very carefully to what you are told and what action you must take.

I am going to , like I said I’m not getting back in a relationship with the man at all but I’m not stopping him have no a relationship with his daughter unless he becomes Sanger to her
OP posts:
MsJinks · 26/08/2021 19:21

You’re not just not stopping him, you are going out of your way to encourage and facilitate it, right or wrong, this is seen less as providing parental relationships for your child and more as wilful ignorance or avoidance of issues. The sw has drawn this up as a stopgap. Some folk don’t trust the social and that’s often because they only hear what they want to and are genuinely surprised it happens differently. The sw has no control over your actions and choices - so it’s always up to you - however, she has input into your child’s life and will make her recommendations from your actions and choices.
I know you can’t get it - what about this arrangement with his mum and your dad? Is his mum unbiased - will there be a lovely calm atmosphere in that room - what are the 2 adults going to do if you go in? What are they going to do if mr ex you don’t want gets fed up or wants to stay longer, get a cup of tea, use the bathroom? The practicality of this arrangement seems difficult with the best of intentions in the room - his mum will think you’re ruining mr ex life - I’m surprised if your dad doesn’t have some feeling of anger to a man hurting his daughter (no judgement) - however much I would want to support my child/see my grandchild I would struggle there and be oh so worried about all of it.
Please think carefully.

Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 19:25

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but the way you justify his behaviour is so disgrace. You're basically going to be teaching your daughter it's completely OK to accept abuse. Both you and your ex are a danger to your baby.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 19:29

He already has. You are pregnant and you had a domestic in public including him shoving you - his pregnant partner.

The baby is already involved.

This. Don't you understand this OP?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2021 19:34

From my experience of SS, they will have been involved with you for months before calling for a PLO and you would have had many chances to act on their advice and failed to heed warnings
A PLO is as serious as it gets They are preparing a case to remove your child, depending on the outcome of the meetings You need to appoint your own solicitor who can represent you Do this now and show you can be proactive. Listen to the solicitor You have run out of chances to change

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 19:42

@uncomfortablydumb53

From my experience of SS, they will have been involved with you for months before calling for a PLO and you would have had many chances to act on their advice and failed to heed warnings A PLO is as serious as it gets They are preparing a case to remove your child, depending on the outcome of the meetings You need to appoint your own solicitor who can represent you Do this now and show you can be proactive. Listen to the solicitor You have run out of chances to change
She said to me it’s a chance to stop it going to court and there hasn’t even been a date yet for it
OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 19:43

It’s a pre proceeding meeting not a PLO

OP posts: