Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@bangheadhere40 💗💗 i mean it! You are lovely too good for that wasteman!

[quote Shayelle2009]@Misty9 - block him, hes a drain
@ActonSquirrel - block him, hes a drain
@bangheadhere40 - block him, hes a headfuck

Cmon ladies you are all worth MORE 💗💗💗[/quote]
Thank you 😊

VanGoghsDog - I think I might put 'no bastards' on my profile along with 'no spud heads' and 'no flakes'.

I know its easy for me to say as Ive liked people and received the same treatment i find the best way is to burn those bridges, take back control and just get rid 💛

I also love ‘no bastards’.. im taking that too 🤣🤣

Bumble guy responded and we've exchanged a few messages but am a little weirded out as I mentioned isolating and he asked if my boys are isolating with me - I haven't mentioned that I have boys 😱 I've asked him why he thinks I have boys but he hasnt responded yet

@Misty9 You said the other day that you always go intense quickly and you don't know why (paraphrasing)

Given you know you do this and you know Mr Runner has issues to deal with would it best to take a huge leap and stop contact with him and work on your need to be intense so quickly.

I totally get where you're coming from, I love a man who needs fixing but I'm learning that its very unhealthy to be like that.

Are there any hobbies or anything you can do to while away the time so you dont keep messsging Mr Runner.

@Slothmomma

Bumble guy responded and we've exchanged a few messages but am a little weirded out as I mentioned isolating and he asked if my boys are isolating with me - I haven't mentioned that I have boys 😱 I've asked him why he thinks I have boys but he hasnt responded yet

He's probably got you mixed up with someone else ...

I hope so @belladimamma or it finally means I've now either chatted to or gone on dates with everyone on the apps and I can no longer remember them 😱🤣

Quick question.
I've been with Mr P 18 months now. Supported him through a lot.
I'm in the waiting room of my local hospital about to have a broken tooth extracted . It's not going to be straightforward and I'm terrified.
P knows this. We talked about it when I saw him Wednesday.
I thought he might offer to come with me, but in the end he didn't.
Hes forgotten today. He's text me mundane , ordinary stuff and asked me for help with stuff, but not one word of support or love or good luck.
I feel really hurt. I purposely haven't mentioned it.
Am I being ridiculous ?
I woukd NEVER have forgotten something of his, i go out of my way to be thoughtful

Just realised that it will be date 4 with MrMud tomorrow which makes him the iron I've had the most "real life" dates with.

I had much longer connections with other irons, but lockdowns meant that it was mostly "virtual" dates.

He said he will meet me at the station and he will drop me home after, so I'm not planning on staying, but packing a few bits just in case .
We are going to take his dog for a walk in the countryside near his house, then he's going to cook for me in the evening.

Ok well, I decided to block another one that started to look flaky after I sent them a meet for coffee? ☕️ message

And like all the others, he's managed to track me down on another platform.

This one I've messaged back and told him not cool to pursue comms if a person has blocked you

I understand that people get hurt but equally if you're sending flake vibes you're going to have to accept it if someone decides you're not for them?

And why the fuck do I always choose the flakes which turn into stalkers????

@Clovertoast

Quick question. I've been with Mr P 18 months now. Supported him through a lot. I'm in the waiting room of my local hospital about to have a broken tooth extracted . It's not going to be straightforward and I'm terrified. P knows this. We talked about it when I saw him Wednesday. I thought he might offer to come with me, but in the end he didn't. Hes forgotten today. He's text me mundane , ordinary stuff and asked me for help with stuff, but not one word of support or love or good luck. I feel really hurt. I purposely haven't mentioned it. Am I being ridiculous ? I woukd NEVER have forgotten something of his, i go out of my way to be thoughtful

I'm really sorry 😞 to hear this

You can choose to tell him now or later when you've cooled down and have decided if it's a deal breaker

But you're perfectly within your rights to send him a very stroppy message

And by the way

@Dirtyduck

Just realised that it will be date 4 with MrMud tomorrow which makes him the iron I've had the most "real life" dates with. I had much longer connections with other irons, but lockdowns meant that it was mostly "virtual" dates.

He said he will meet me at the station and he will drop me home after, so I'm not planning on staying, but packing a few bits just in case .
We are going to take his dog for a walk in the countryside near his house, then he's going to cook for me in the evening.

Lovely 🥰

@Clovertoast I would be hurt too 😔 I hope it goes ok x

Well, re the tooth thing, I suppose I would be hurt but I also would not purposely not mention it as that's just game playing and setting them up to fail. Does it show he doesn't care or does it show he has a fallible memory?

You don't dump someone for having a bad memory surely?

I'd have just said it was the next day. It depends a bit on if he has form for being inattentive I suppose. Last year, on the day before my dad's funeral, my then dp said on the phone at the end of the call "have a lovely day tomorrow", rather than be all hurt that he'd obviously forgotten I just said "unlikely, it's dad's funeral".

So I do think it's best to just remind him.
And if you want him to be there, ask him to be.

@VanGoghsDog. I’ll update my profile to say ‘no bastards’…..see what I get 🤷‍♀️😁

@Clovertoast I don't think you're upset about this once incident, I think its a culmination of everything in your relationship which hints towards him not caring about you.

Are you still 'hidden' from everyone?
Is it you making most of the effort still?

Hi all. Head a bit fried here and would appreciate your opinions. Since I told exh about current iron he has been in constant contact looking to reconcile. Am ok with that as I have told him categorically no but its stress I dont need. I'm happy with current iron, in daily contact have met his kids and friends and he respects that I'm taking it a bit slower introducing him to mine but they do know all about him. Because of this most of our evening socialising is done at his where we can walk home from restaurant/pub and I usually stay over, I live in a very rural area. Problem is one of my friends has decided hes boring and that im doing all the leg work. I can't shake this since she said it even though I'm happy as it suits better this way and with covid and differing work patterns getting further away for a night has been difficult despite both of us wanting it to happen. I do think hes in a bit of a rut but we kind of all are since covid but he talks with great enthusiasm about the stuff we will do together that I'm not overly concerned. It was his birthday earlier in the week and he just wanted a quiet one and knew I was working the next day so he just went out with friends. She has advised that I sit it out now until he comes to me but I'm inclined to follow my gut and just keep enjoying what we have a and progressing on from our beach walks, lunches nights on and out together.

@bangheadhere40 Think about how it would feel to be back in touch with him.

Do you still hold out hope that the connection will blossom into something romantic? If yes, I'd block because you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

@LuckyLinda3

Hi all. Head a bit fried here and would appreciate your opinions. Since I told exh about current iron he has been in constant contact looking to reconcile. Am ok with that as I have told him categorically no but its stress I dont need. I'm happy with current iron, in daily contact have met his kids and friends and he respects that I'm taking it a bit slower introducing him to mine but they do know all about him. Because of this most of our evening socialising is done at his where we can walk home from restaurant/pub and I usually stay over, I live in a very rural area. Problem is one of my friends has decided hes boring and that im doing all the leg work. I can't shake this since she said it even though I'm happy as it suits better this way and with covid and differing work patterns getting further away for a night has been difficult despite both of us wanting it to happen. I do think hes in a bit of a rut but we kind of all are since covid but he talks with great enthusiasm about the stuff we will do together that I'm not overly concerned. It was his birthday earlier in the week and he just wanted a quiet one and knew I was working the next day so he just went out with friends. She has advised that I sit it out now until he comes to me but I'm inclined to follow my gut and just keep enjoying what we have a and progressing on from our beach walks, lunches nights on and out together.

If in doubt do nowt

Ignore the ex

Is there any truth to what the friend says? Emotionally and not just practically? If not and you're enjoying things I'd just remind yourself that a gentle quiet courtship is not a bad thing ... and keep enjoying x

Thanks @BelladiMamma. He is very kind, treats me well, asks about me and my kids all the time, insists on paying much to my annoyance! I feel comfortable round him and he makes me feel very good about myself. He hasn't had a very exciting past as he was a sahd for years so trips out/away were limited. We have great physical chemistry and I really enjoy our time together. I think its early days absolutely but feel we have great potential. I also agree about something gentle as I'm not a very exciting person myself. My friends is only ever attracted to bad boys so maybe I should just ignore her remarks. Getting back into this after a 20+ year marriage and subsequent separation is not easy but I feel we could both move forward together doing new things at our own pace.

@LuckyLinda3 it sounds to me like its working for you. Hes not your friends type but that's fine - its not her dating him - so I'd ignore the comments whilst he's making you happy

LuckyLinda3 - Don't you just hate it when someone sows seeds of doubt in your mind! Ignore her if you are genuinely happy with him and the way the relationship is progressing. You don't have to explain to anyone.

@BelladiMamma hmm this has got me thinking about MrS and what we had compared to what i have with MrElf and i think i would say me and MrElf i feel like we are puzzle pieces and fit so well together but MrS is like a magnet, like a really really powerful magnet. @bangheadhere40 same has happened to me this week. Same timelines as you too, random birthday message in June after a fair few weeks of silence from him. It's really shook me up because i don't know why i even want to open his texts when things are going really well with MrElf. I'm such a sucker for punishment. As soon as things feel to easy i'll do something to f**k it all up. I've not opened the three msgs but ones a photo and i'm dying to know what it is...
@Misty9 yes it's been ages now but works/school has kept us really quite busy. I think he's back sunday which gives me time to sort my place out and as you can see from what i wrote above my stupid stupid head.I feel like my head is so full right now with this week, work, school, activties and seriously tricky homework. Now filtering in these random messages from MrS who i really thought i was over by now. Seems i've unresolved issues to deal with from him.
Sorry to hear about MrRunner, is this something you think could begin to get better should you get involved. Does he see you as someone he'd like to get romantically involved with. It's all about protecting yourself and your happiness at the end of the day. You don't want to invest here if it'll bring you down in the future. Are you seeing him again? I wouldn't back off completely but i really do go for the 'unavailable' ones in the hope i'll help them
@SpringlikeBunk i'm also curious to hear how the speed-dating goes. I've only ever seen this on tv shows but 100% agree i'm better in person than over text. Think i mentioned it before it's easy to get bored of messages.
On the 'good morning' / 'good night' texts i actually liked these regardless of whether they were followed up with anything else. My friend hates them though same with 'kiss' emoji's i love these and she thinks its just shows their level of effort their willing to go to. @Isitreallyme177 still sounds like you are in a predicament with MrCricket over messaging. I think someone said on here if you're in doubt/confused about sending a text then best leave it. Surely so much second guessing shouldn't be necessary if you both agreed to remain friends. Did you have a conversation with him at all about this?
@Iamclearlyamug any update on MrPolish?
@Dirtyduck about your 'overnight' stay and what to or whether to pack and i think onesmallstep maybe said it'd be good to know his thinking, perhaps i'm a little slow on the follow up but he could be thinking the same thing will she stay? does she want to... you're probably both on the same page (soon to be in the same bed) but don't know it.