Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@bangheadhere40 I have to agree with the other comments here. Without any knowledge of the background there's a hint of him wanting to keep you 'warm' as a standby. Your headspace needs to be preserved. Block.

I've just had a horrifying thought- imagine if our irons have ever stumbled across thos thread 😯😯😯😯 I keep forgetting it's all public!

@bangheadhere40, did you have a few dates ( and more) with him? what was your instinct about him and his motivation at the time? If your gut is telling you that he's a chancer then I would ignore and try to limit how much headspace he takes up again.

Thanks fire I was always a fallback girl for him. His new conquest has probably binned him off which is why he wants some attention from good old reliable me. Sod him.

onesmallstep yes we dated and DTD etc. I always felt like I was a placeholder for him but was completely infatuated with him.

He never treated me very well, it's just when he sends these nice messages....I don't want to get sucked back in though.

Morning all. Checking in from a lovely sunny beach... But my peace is being marred by worries about Mr runner :( he's in a bad way mentally and I know I probably need to walk away, but am finding it hard. The other iron I was messaging has stayed in contact - can't remember what I called him so will name him Mr tall - but we haven't met. I've also been reading the book "Women who love too much"... Has anyone else read it and got any thoughts? I identify with some but by no means all of it. Hmm.

@bangheadhere40 does he in any way add to your life? If not, block.
@Naimee87 how are you feeling about things? It probably doesn't help that you haven't seen Mr Elf much recently?

Glad to hear from others that good dates - and men - do exist!

Oh goodness no misty he adds nothing positive.

How lovely - enjoy your holiday!

Nice to hear about good men too.

isitreally when did you last have contact with Mr cricket ? I'm terrible with these situations but I like the advice of " if in doubt do nowt"

@BelladiMamma thanks I suppose it is a message with more than just good morning to it.

@bangheadhere40 it's difficult as I know if Computer Geek messaged me out of the blue I would message back. We've been 5 months NC (he last read a message I sent in May, why and not reply I'll never know). I'd be curious why he was getting in touch after all this time.

@bangheadhere40 last had a message on Sunday, he's been working so I have left it but thought a check in might be nice.

@FireandBrimstone
Tactile……I like holding hands and kissing 🤮
No drama
No baggage
Not interested in hook ups
Want to meet my last first kiss 🤮
If you don’t look like your pictures, you’re buying the drink until you do
I have children who are my world……because you need to prove you’re a good dad 🤷‍♀️
Noooo…….I’d never send a dick pic……closely followed by a dick pic, closely followed by an apology for the dick pic because it was just ‘bants’ and he thought I just meant from strangers, and we’d exchanged a handful of messages so weren’t strangers 🤷‍♀️

[quote Mylifestartstoday]@FireandBrimstone
Tactile……I like holding hands and kissing 🤮
No drama
No baggage
Not interested in hook ups
Want to meet my last first kiss 🤮
If you don’t look like your pictures, you’re buying the drink until you do
I have children who are my world……because you need to prove you’re a good dad 🤷‍♀️
Noooo…….I’d never send a dick pic……closely followed by a dick pic, closely followed by an apology for the dick pic because it was just ‘bants’ and he thought I just meant from strangers, and we’d exchanged a handful of messages so weren’t strangers 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Ewwwwww 🤮I have got off lightly. I used to get dick pics from the actor but at least we'd actually slept together so I accepted it as part of our keeping in touch sexually when apart. Not really sure where my boundary is now for all that stuff. Luckily I haven't had to think about it recently because it certainly is NOT getting dick pics from OLD contacts

I'm leaning towards not sending a birthday text to Mr Penpal. Or am I over thinking this?

action when did you guys last have contact ?

I had an Iron a year or so ago who backed out before the meet and then ghosted me. I was gutted at the time and he eventually came back months later to apologise claiming mental health issues. We've stayed in touch sporadically over the years and whenever back on apps rematch and chat again. Earlier this year he talked about meeting again but nothing come of it. Hes always felt like my "what if" but I had noticed that over past few months he'd deleted me from insta and then fb. No reason for this as far as I could see but his choice. Anyway yesterday I got a notification that he clicked onto one of my none private pics on fb and liked it. Being curious and seeing hed changed his profile pic I clicked to look and its of him with yet another woman (there have been a couple since we first matched) so I think he was just game playing and wanting me to see so I've taken the step to just block now so he can't see anything of mine and me nothing of his. I have to put this one to bed and get over the "what ifs" 😡

As for the apps I'm really not finding many to swipe on. Did match with one and had a bit of messaging but not heard for 2 days now so will delete if not heard further by weekend. Have just matched with another on bumble and sent an opener so will wait to see if he meant to actually match 😁

@bangheadhere40

action when did you guys last have contact ?

About 2 days ago.

We were having a nice long chat last week and spilling over in to last Saturday. Then he had an emergency with an elderly relative and he last said he was very stressed from it so I didn't reply.

I had a msg from MrBE this morning - "I'm helping my sister move today." That's interesting isn't it . He's put 2 xx's at the end so it's not like he meant to send it to a mate.
I'm so tempted to reply "And.....?" but I won't. I'll just ignore.

@Slothmomma

I had an Iron a year or so ago who backed out before the meet and then ghosted me. I was gutted at the time and he eventually came back months later to apologise claiming mental health issues. We've stayed in touch sporadically over the years and whenever back on apps rematch and chat again. Earlier this year he talked about meeting again but nothing come of it. Hes always felt like my "what if" but I had noticed that over past few months he'd deleted me from insta and then fb. No reason for this as far as I could see but his choice. Anyway yesterday I got a notification that he clicked onto one of my none private pics on fb and liked it. Being curious and seeing hed changed his profile pic I clicked to look and its of him with yet another woman (there have been a couple since we first matched) so I think he was just game playing and wanting me to see so I've taken the step to just block now so he can't see anything of mine and me nothing of his. I have to put this one to bed and get over the "what ifs" 😡

As for the apps I'm really not finding many to swipe on. Did match with one and had a bit of messaging but not heard for 2 days now so will delete if not heard further by weekend. Have just matched with another on bumble and sent an opener so will wait to see if he meant to actually match 😁

Re blocking irons when the conversation fizzles out. I was amazed when my male friend said yesterday that he doesn't message people when the convo has fizzled out as he doesn't want to be seen as a pest.

Seems the odds are stacked against the decent / shy guys out there. We are so used to pest meaning something else that a little message here and there to check in is not pest like at all!!!

@Isitreallyme177

🤦‍♀️ going back to the good morning messages. I was going to message Mr Cricket this morning to see how he's doing but I can't help feeling a good morning how are you? How's work going? message seems a little mundane and boring but I am truly interested to see how he is as he has been flying again this week and that must feel so good after being on furlough for a year. Is it okay to send one in those circumstances? I just think it's a naff message, but I can't ask him about the weekend as he is working.

Maybe I should stop thinking so much and just send it. It shows I'm taking an interest I suppose and would be something I would send to a friend in that situation anyway.🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

The fact you are thinking about it so much shows you're not really on the "friends" page I think.

I wouldn't send that to a friend.

I might send "how has it been getting back to work? I've been really quiet this week but I've got a night out with X on Saturday I'm looking forward to" or something like that.

Good point @BelladiMamma the only ones I've blocked have been for very good reasons. I've got a couple I was speaking to where the chat just fizzled out (to be fair Computer Geek also came back from his "break" at the same time) and haven't blocked them.

I did message Mr Cricket in the end as it was a checking in message, no harm in sending it. I shall keep myself busy, go about my day and not worry about him not replying straight away.

@BelladiMamma I've blocked on fb now as got the impression I've just been used as an ego boost to him when he's feeling low as he knows I was interested so doing this means I'm not tempted to look at his profile and let him go.

Another red flag in their profiles is 'no drama' which is I'm starting to read as code for just wanting sex without any kind of emotional bond.

I see it as a red flag but not quite in the same way. More that they are basically misogynists who think all women are drama queens with mental health issues and that being stalked by an ex (which is not uncommon) makes the woman a drama queen (not the ex a sex pest!).
It's just the usual old sexist narrative that some men trot out.

No different to how some women (my mum, for example) say all men are bastards. Silly nonsense. I wonder if women put "no bastards" on their profiles?

[quote Slothmomma]@BelladiMamma I've blocked on fb now as got the impression I've just been used as an ego boost to him when he's feeling low as he knows I was interested so doing this means I'm not tempted to look at his profile and let him go.[/quote]
Yes. When we need to protect our mental health blocking is good. In the old days we just used to avoid the pub they went to 🤷🏻‍♀️

@VanGoghsDog

Another red flag in their profiles is 'no drama' which is I'm starting to read as code for just wanting sex without any kind of emotional bond.

I see it as a red flag but not quite in the same way. More that they are basically misogynists who think all women are drama queens with mental health issues and that being stalked by an ex (which is not uncommon) makes the woman a drama queen (not the ex a sex pest!).
It's just the usual old sexist narrative that some men trot out.

No different to how some women (my mum, for example) say all men are bastards. Silly nonsense. I wonder if women put "no bastards" on their profiles?

This ^

It's just stereotypical misogyny

@Misty9 - block him, hes a drain
@ActonSquirrel - block him, hes a drain
@bangheadhere40 - block him, hes a headfuck

Cmon ladies you are all worth MORE 💗💗💗

😀😀😀 thanks shayelle